Gir's Massive Adventure
by The-Doctor's-Invader-at-221B
Summary: Gir messes around with Zim's latest device: a teleporter. Unfortunately, he gets transported to a location that no one is pleased with, except Gir, of course, who creates a very one-sided friendship. Will it be resolved, or will it create an even 'taller' problem? Disclaimer: IZ is awesome. But I'm too awesome to own it, obviously...lies. :Complete:
1. The Teleporter

A/N: Hello, my awesome and wonderful fans! Here's another fan-fic from me and my I.Z.- obsessed brain. Disclaimer: For the love of Irk, don't we ALL wish that we could own Zim and his cute-in-a-weird-way-ness? Please enjoy, I had a very fun time writing this.

* * *

"Gir, here is yet another example of my incredible ingenius. I am almost done completing a teleportation device to travel to any location I want. I input the destination coordinates on here, and I will be instantly transported to the place I want! DOES IT NOT AMAZE YOU!" cried Zim, rambling to his idiotic minion, who couldn't understand one word of what his master was saying.

"Ah gots a taco!" said Gir hopefully, as if tacos might speed up the completion of the device.

Zim rolled his eyes and turned back to his machine. He picked up a wrench and started tightening several bolts.

"What's dat thingy, Mastah?" asked Gir.

Zim slapped a hand to his face. "I just explained it all to you, Gir! I told you, it's a thing that takes you places when you press the buttons!"

"Aw yeaaaah..." said Gir, cocking his head. He perked up suddenly and asked, "Can you make mashed potatos in it?"

"NO! You can't do anything in it except go places!" said Zim, throwing the wrench down in frustration.

"OOOOH! Can you play with da munkies in it?"

One of Zim's ruby eyes twitched. He let out a sigh of exasperation and picked up the wrench again.

The Next Day...

Zim popped in his last contact and headed for the door of his base.

"Gir, you know the drill. Don't let anyone in, don't let anything out, don't order a year's supply of pizza, don't blow up the base, and for the love of Irk, do NOT touch my newest creation downstairs. Got it?"

"Gimme two waffles, five-hundred piggies, a mongoose, and a real big can a' DOOM!" screeched Gir, standing on his head in front of the TV.

Zim nodded and marched out the front door. To Gir, that was a definate yes.

A Few Hours Later...

Gir wished that Master was back. He wished that almost every day, when Master was at that big place that he talked about, where he said Big-Head Mary and the real scary lady was.

Gir chomped on a taco and watched the Scary Munkey Show. He laughed when the Munkey growled, and kept laughing for a solid ten minutes. Suddenly, he sat up and thought, I could go play with Master's new toy! Oh, then he'll come home and we'll have lots of fun together! Gir let out a squeal and hopped up, running into the kitchen. He climbed into the elevator that was disguised as a toilet and rode down to the labs, singing the Doom Song. He landed in the labs and saw the big, neat, fun-lookin' thingy.

"YEE-HOO!" cried Gir, skipping over to the machine. He jumped into the main part (which was basically a Zim-sized box). Gir's antenna perked up when he heard the front door open and he heard Master's voice.

"That horrible big-headed, tiny-brained, pathetic human MEAT-CHILD! And that horrible HEAD of his! THAT HEAD! He deserved what I gave him, and more...SO MUCH MORE! And why do the awful HYOO-MAN stinks think that it is a punishment to make ZIM stay away from that wretched place for the rest of the week? Those moronic...! Gir? Gir, where ARE you?" snapped Zim, noticing that Gir was absent from listening to his rants.

"Computer, scan for Gir!"

"Would it really kill you to say please?" said Computer, annoyed that Zim had woken him from sleep-mode.

"Just do the scan!"

"Fine...he's in the lower levels in the base."

Zim threw off his disguise and ran into the kitchen in a panic. He got into an elevator and yelled, "GIR! If I see you messing with my machine-!"

Gir laughed and called, "Hiiiii, Mastah! Wanna come play with me?"

He spotted the keypad on the side of the box. Wow, those buttons looked so shiny! He pressed a bunch of them at once.

Zim reached the labs and shouted, "GIR! GET AWAY FROM THAT THIS SECOND!" Unfortunately, he tripped over a rubber piggy that Gir had left on the floor.

A voice inside the box said, "DESTINATION CHOSEN!"

There was a large flash of light.

"NO! GIR! NOOO!" Zim streaked towards the machine, but it was too late.

Gir was gone.

"ARGH!" roared Zim, pulling on his antennae in frustration. "THAT STUPID ROBOT! Why does he never LISTEN to me! One simple command! THAT'S ALL I GAVE HIM!" Zim ranted for about five minutes, using lots of colorful language in Irken. Zim huffed and stomped over to the machine.

"It's over-loaded! He transported somewhere too far away! Where did he transport to-" As Zim saw on the keypad where Gir DID transport to, his bright green skin paled to a light minty color.

"Oh, Irk..." he mumbled. "You have GOT to be kidding me..."

Last departure: Coordinates lead to...

The Massive.

* * *

Onboard the Massive, the two Almighty Tallest, leaders of Irk, were currently engaged in...

Video games.

"PURPLE! You can't do that!" yelled Red, snatching up the controller.

"I just did, so I guess I can!" replied Purple, who had knocked the controller out of his companion's hand. He made Tails collect ten rings and cross a checkpoint.

"Ha! See? I TOLD you that I'd be better at this than you!" His face fell as he ran into one of the bad guys, who knocked him out.

"The only reason why you're better is because you keep cheating!" snapped Red, making Sonic collect super-quick sneakers. He crossed the finish-line.

"YES! YES! You owe me doughnuts and about fifty monies, Purple!" cackled Red, grinning.

"No I don't..." muttered Purple.

"Oh, you can't squirm out of this one! I got you to sign it in writing this time!" Red pulled a piece of paper out of his pocket and held it up.

"You can't prove anything! How do you know it was me that signed it?"

Red rolled his eyes. "That's YOUR name, isn't it?"

"Well, there could be someone else with that name..."

"Oh, yeah? Can you show me anyone else named 'Almighty Tallest Purple?' "

"Uh...um..."

"My Tallest?" said a technician, peering into the Tallests' lounge.

"What?" said Red, turning to look at the Irken. Purple snatched the paper out of his claw and crumpled it, throwing it in a waste-basket. He sighed in relief. His doughnuts and cash were both safe.

"There...erm...was a slight disturbance on the main deck, and we figured that maybe you could sort it out. Um, do you know an Invader with a defective SIR unit?"  
Red snorted. "Yeah, we do. Why?"

"Well, this just sort of...appeared...there was a flash of light, and this thing dropped in." The Irken set down a small SIR unit, who was currently turned off. He switched it on. Gir's eyes went to their usual cyan. He looked up.

"Heeey, it's da Tall-guys that Mastah loves! HI, TALL-GUYS!" Gir shouted his last words.

"How did THAT thing get here?" wondered Purple.

"OOOH, YUM!" Gir jumped at the table in the room that was covered in snacks.

"AUGH! NO! STOP!" screamed the Tallest, rushing towards their precious snacks. Gir managed to devower most of the treats, and proceeded to fly around the room, crashing into various things.

The furious cry of "ZIIIIIM!" echoed throughout the Massive.

* * *

Zim was trying to fix his machine as quickly as possible. The device had completely shorted out when Gir had transported so far away. Zim hated to think of what his minion could be doing to the Tallests' ship...and the Tallests themselves. Zim shuddered and went back to work.

"Incoming transmission from the Massive!" called Computer.

Zim groaned and started banging his head on the side of his machine. He unwillingly lifted his head as the screen that was in the room crackled, and then pictured two very tall Irkens who looked more than very annoyed and furious.

"Hey, ZIM," snarled Tallest Red.

"Greetings, My Tallest, it is an honor-"

"Save it. Care to explain THIS?" Red held up a familliar-looking robot by the antenna, who had been giggling madly, but gasped when he saw Zim on the screen.

"MASTAH? HOW'D YOU GET STUCK IN DA BIG TV DAT THE TALL-GUYS HAVE?" Gir pulled himself from Red's grip and flung himself at the transmission screen. "MASTAH! MASTAH! IS YOU OKAY IN DA TV? Oooh, say hi to da Scary Munkey for meee!"

"GIR! Shut up! Do you know how much trouble you're in right now?" hissed Zim.

"And do you know how much trouble that this thing is causing us, Zim? It took us forever to contact you, because that crazy robot kept attacking the technicians, saying that they needed hugs! If this is your idea of a joke, then you are SO DEAD! We've been going nuts for about an HOUR! AN HOUR, ZIM!" yelled Tallest Purple.

" 'An houa, Ziiiim!' " repeated Gir, giggling. "Mastah, can you come play with me and da Tall-guys?" Gir suddenly jumped up and grabbed hold of Purple's middle, giving him one of his best hugs.

"Ah really likes Purplely, he's funny and he smells like doughnuts!" cried Gir.

"HEY! Get OFF!" Purple grabbed Gir with a green claw and pulled, but the thing seemed stuck like glue!

"Gir, STOP THAT! You are at the HEIGHT of disrespect! I demand you stop that at ONCE!" ordered Zim, angry and mortified at the same time.

"Ooookay!" sang Gir, hopping down, but he immediately used his jets to fly up to where Red's head was, and grabbed hold of his antennae.

"Redsy's real fun too, he likes playin' da screamin' game with me!"

"OW! OW! CUT IT OUT!"

"LET GO, GIR! I am so very sorry, My Tallest-"

"YOU WILL BE IF YOU DON'T FIGURE OUT HOW TO MAKE THIS THING LEAVE, ZIM! LET! GO!" shouted Red. Purple looked almost amused. A giggle slipped out of one of the technician's mouths.

Red whipped his head around. Gir shrieked with laughter and Red winced, but he glared viscously at the crew.

"Which one of you morons was that?" he snarled.

The Irkens shifted their eyes nervously. Some gulped and others seemed to shrink.

Red's voice got deathly quiet.

"Tell me right now, or I swear, each one of you will be shot out the air-lock."

The guilty party raised a badly-shaking hand and gulped hard. "Um, er, it was me, My Tallest, sir. I'm truly sorry-"

"Yeah, I suppose you are. Send him out the air-lock!" called Red.

A couple of guards grabbed hold of the former technician and dragged him off, amid screams for mercy.

"NOW LET GO OF ME," growled Red. He wanted to get the moronic thing off, but not wanting to pull out his antennae.

"Can yous give me a cupcake first, Redsy?"

"What? NO! And stop calling me that! Get off of me RIGHT NOW!"

"I command you, Gir, to stop pestering the both of the Tallest! OBEY ME!"

"Yes, my Master! I obey!" saluted Gir, dropping to the floor. Red rubbed his antennae. Great, his hearing was probably damaged.

"My Tallest, I assure you that I have been working on a device that will transport my robot back to my base of operations, and it should be complete in approximately five hours-"

"WHAT!" screamed the Tallest.

"AAAAH!" joined in Gir.

"YOU HAD BETTER BE KIDDING," said Red menacingly.

Zim's antennae fell back, but he continued.

"Well, when Gir transported to a location so far away, it over-loaded the system for my teleporter, and it will take quite a while to set right, and five hours is the...estimated...time..." finished Zim, looking at the Tallest, who glared back.

"Fine," hissed Red, as Purple repeatedly slapped Gir away, who was ready to give him another glomp.

"You better have that fixed, or I WILL hurt you, very badly." Red wasn't sure how, but he knew that the idiot would feel it, one way or another.

"Of course, My Tallest. Invader Zim, signing off." Zim saluted and cut the transmission.

The Tallest looked down at their current problem with loathing, who was doing a dance made up by himself, singing another one of his demented songs.

"Are you thinkin' what I'm thinkin', Pur?" said Red, glancing at his co-Tallest.

"Oh, yeah..."

* * *

What are the Tallest going to do about Gir before Zim can fix his machine? Mark this as a story alert to find out! :3


	2. Tallests Redsy and Purpley

A/N: Hello! Here's the next chapter for you awesome people who like my stories! I'm pretty sure that this will be a two-shot, but I might continue if people request it.

* * *

"Okay, this wasn't EXACTLY what I was thinking of," said Red, chewing on a doughnut.

"It's still a good idea," replied Purple with his mouth full. They both groaned as Gir started singing again.

"Well, we've GOT to get rid of this thing," said Red, giving Gir another glare.

"Agreed. How do we do that, though?"

"Oh, it can't be that hard," figured Red.

Oh, My Tallest, if you only knew...

ATTEMPT NUMBER ONE:

"Toss that thing out the air-lock," ordered Red.

A guard nodded and picked up Gir, carrying him to the dreaded place where several Irkens had been sent to for various misdeeds, such as questioning the Tallest, which was something that you did not do, ever.

"Yay! Is we goin' on vacation?" cried Gir happily as the guard left the Tallests' presence.

"Ah, finally," said Purple, still eating doughnuts.

The Tallest turned and were about to go back to the lounge, when suddenly-

"HIYA, TALL-GUYS!"

Gir sped towards them and knocked into them from behind.

The Tallest screamed as they hit the floor.

ATTEMPT NUMBER TWO:

"We've got people working on fixing that hole that the stupid thing made when he burst back in, right?" asked Purple, who now had a bandage on the side of his head. When they had fallen on the floor, it had been HARD. How could that SIR be so strong?

"Yeah," answered Red, who had stitches on his lip. "Well, THAT didn't work, how about we just fry its circuts?" Red pulled a laser from his PAK.

"Great," agreed Purple. Red aimed for the robot, who was now squeezing a piggy with glee. Not even noticing the laser beam, Gir activated his jets and laughed, singing a made-up song that described his love for piggies as he flew about the room.

"HOLD STILL, WHY DON'T YOU?" yelled Red, shooting several beams at the SIR unit, who kept missing them entirely, but the room was sustaining quite a lot of damage. Red did manage to hit Gir, but the beam bounced off of him and headed straight for the Tallest.

They cried out and ducked quickly, but not quickly enough.

ATTEMPT NUMBER THREE:

Red groaned and rubbed his bandaged but still burned skin, while Purple glared at his companion, who had unintentionally burned off half of an antenna.

"Got any more bright ideas?" he snapped.

"We can, um, smash its AI into pieces," suggested Red. "Hey, you crazy, stupid thing, come here."

Gir skipped over to the Tallest, grinning.

"Helloooo! Ahs gots a moose," said Gir, holding up a small toy.

"Um, great." Red picked up Gir. "The chip should be in here-" he said, opening Gir's head.

Unfortunately, it was filled with rubber piggies that shot out at full-speed.

ATTEMPT NUMBER FOUR:

The Tallest now had bruises on their faces after attack of the piggies.

"Okay, then..." said Red, slightly weirded out. "What do we do now?"

"Hey, we can blow it up!" said Purple, sounding excited at the idea.

"Yeah, that could work! All we have to do is lock it in a closet with explosives. That'll be good..."

About ten minutes later, the Tallest had found an empty closet on the thirteenth floor and had put the aforementioned explosives in it, along with Gir.

"Wow, it's real dark in here. LIKE CORN! I LIKE CORN!" called Gir.

"Good. Those are set to go off in fifteen seconds. This one's fail-safe! We can't possibly get hurt this time-" started Red.

"Okay, your turn, Tall-guys!" Gir laughed, then pushed the Tallest in the closet and locked the door.

"NO! WAIT! HEY! OPEN THE DOOR! GET US OUT!" they screamed.

The explosives beeped and the Tallest hunkered down, close to sobbing with panic.

BOOM.

"Ooh, did the Tall-guys go all like this, KA-BLAM!"

ATTEMPT NUMBER FIVE:

The Tallest moaned as a nurse tended to their burns in the infirmary.

" 'Fail-safe'...yeah! Sure! You're such a genius, Red!" snarled Purple.

"IT WASN'T MY IDEA IN THE FIRST PLACE!" Red snapped back. "That SIR unit...it's just like Zim! Whenever we try to destroy it, WE'RE the ones who suffer!"

"You know, we could just switch it off..." said Purple.

"Oh, yeah, I guess so..." Red looked over at the robot, who was curiously covered in mashed potatoes. "You, over here. Now."

Gir ran over to the Tallest. "Hiiiii, Tall-guys! AH MADE MASHED POTATOES!"

"Yes...and muffins..." said Purple, peering at a corner that was littered with muffins.

"Okay, now, there is no way that we could be harmed this time," said Red. "Hold it down, it could escape."

Purple took hold of Gir's head, and Red flipped open a panel on the SIR's back. He pressed the button, but instead of shutting off, Gir emmitted several electrical sparks because of the mashed potatoes on his system.

The Tallest let out shrieks as they got electrocuted.

ATTEMPT NUMBER SIX:

"Even my brain hurts..." whimpered Purple.

"How do we get RID of that horrible thing!" groaned Red.

"Um...pull it apart?" suggested Purple.

"Okay...where did it go, anyway?" They heard a giggle. Purple rolled his eyes and pulled Gir off the back of his head.

"Your head smells like a puppy!" cackled Gir.

"Alright, I'll get its head, you grab its legs," said Red. The Tallest pulled in opposite directions.

"Argh..." Red gritted his teeth. "Are all SIR units this strong?"

"I don't-OH, DARN IT!" Gir slipped out of Purple's claws, and both Tallests flew backwards and fell off their beds, hitting the floor.

After much groaning and struggles to get back into the beds...

"I'm out of ideas..." sighed Red.

"I wouldn't care if you DID have any, my...everything hurts..." replied Purple. "I'm surprised that our PAKs weren't damaged through all of that."

"Good Irk, will you SHUT UP?" Red moaned at Gir.

"AH HAD A TA-CO, THEN AH DIDN'T, CAUSE I ATES IT!" sang Gir. "Is you okay, Tall-guys? Aw, yous needs some hugs!"

"No, no, we're fine, just stay over there-" said Purple hurriedly, but Gir hopped over to the Tallest and gave them hugs. "You feel all betters now?" Gir asked sweetly.

"I would be great if you would just leave us alone..." Red rubbed an eye. "Good thing that you belong to Zim, at least we know that he has to put up with you every day."

"Mastah goes to dat big place every day, he doesn't stay with me all da time..." Gir's antenna drooped slightly, but he perked up again. "But then Mastah comes home, and we haves lotsa fun together! I loves Mastah, and he loves me too!"

Red glanced at Purple before saying, "Hey, um, what does Master do to turn you off?"

"Oh, Mastah doesn't want me to be sleepin', 'cept at night. He says to watch da Scary Munkey Show and 'tect da base from Big-Head Mary! I like cheese! So does da moose! We're frieeeends, just like me and da squirrel!" Gir jumped up on Red's bed and made himself directly eye-level with the Irken. "Me and the squirrel are FRIENDS."

"Um...okay..." Red shoved Gir away. "So we CAN'T turn this thing off...perfect."

"Ugh..." Purple flopped a pillow over his face and winced. "Ow...so all we can do is wait for Zim to fix that tele-thingy of his?"

"I guess..." Red sat up and stretched, but stopped quickly, for it was painful. This had to be one of the worst afternoons ever, half as bad as when Zim took control of the Massive. Red shuddered. "And we still have two and a half hours untill he does, and knowing Zim, it won't be the time he says it is. That stupid defect..." Red sighed again, resigned. "I'm hungry."

"WHOO-HOO!" screamed Gir suddenly, making the Tallest jump. "Ah can make you some WAFFLES! Mastah loves 'em, so will youuuuu!" Gir ran out of the infirmary, giggling.

The Tallest stared after Gir.

"Waffles...?"

* * *

About fifteen minutes later, Gir ran back in, holding two plates. The Tallest had been eating potato chips and drinking sodas, but they stopped and eyed Gir with suspicion.

"How did you find your way to the kitchens?" asked Purple, raising a non-existent eyebrow.

"TAQUITOS!" shouted Gir suddenly. "And a clown with no head!"

"Oookay..." Purple looked at Red, who was just as confused, but said, "Uh, no thanks, I'd rather eat this-"

"AAAAAAAH!" screamed Gir, throwing himself on the ground, beating his tiny metal fists on the floor.

"Cut it out! Stop! We're not gonna eat those!" shouted Red, throwing his snacks on a table and holding his antennae, trying to block out the cries.

"WAHHHH! WAHHH! WAHHHHHH!" sobbed Gir. The Tallest looked at each other in helplessness and exasperation. This had to be one of the most bizzare things that they had ever seen, a SIR unit throwing a temper-tantrum.

"Will you shut up if we eat those?" Purple yelled over the robot's screams.

"YEAH!" said Gir, hopping up and looking at the Tallest with ecstasy.

The Tallest looked down at the plates on the floor.

"They're only waffles," said Red. "How can they harm us?"

Purple shrugged as Gir brought the plates over and held them up, beaming. They both took one and each took a bite of waffle.

"UGH!" Red choked. "They...they taste like SOAP!"

"What...on IRK...are IN THESE?" coughed Purple.

"There's WAFFLE IN 'EM!" called out Gir.

"No kidding...what else?" said Red, looking down at his waffles in disgust.

"Love, fun, and lotsa DOOM!" replied Gir.

"They're soapy-tasting...and crunchy-ish. These...are...DISGUSTING. Here. Take 'em," said Purple, shoving the plate at Gir.

Gir's metal mouth quivered and looked back up at the Tallest with tear-filled eyes.

"You're not going to keep crying, are you?" groaned Red.

"WAHHHHH-"

"STOP IT! WE'LL EAT THE STUPID WAFFLES!" Purple took another bite of the waffles hurriedly. Gir stopped wailing instantly.

"Do we have to eat...all of these?" said Red.

"Yeeeeeap!" sang Gir.

* * *

"Never...again..." gasped Purple. "I'm NEVER...eating those...ever again..."

"Those were...so...HORRIBLE..." wheezed Red. He coughed again, and another pink bubble came up.

"Those ones had peanuts and soap in 'em!" crowed Gir, shovling more of his repulsive waffles in his mouth.

"Yeah...I really, really like the fact that Zim has to eat those regularly..." Purple sighed. "Speaking of which, how much longer do we have 'till that machine gets fixed?"

"It should be in about an hour," said Red, glancing at a clock. "It took a while before we stopped being sick because of those..." He shuddered. "Waffles..."

"Only an hour," said Purple. "Okay...only an hour..." He snarled at Gir, who had started dancing on his bed. He shoved the robot off and Gir landed on the floor, laughing.

"What are we going to about that thing in the meantime?" said Red.

"Hmm..." Purple looked down at the SIR unit on the floor. "Hey, what does Master do to, uh, get rid of you?"

"He tells me, 'Go away, Gir, I don't wanna deal with you right nowwww!' " sang Gir. "So I goes ta watch da Scary Munkey show, or eat tacos, or waffles, or play with mah mongoose in the pretty land with da butters and flies with CORN!" Gir flipped over to stand on his head.

"That...really doesn't answer my question..." said Purple.

"Yeah it DOOOOES!" Gir started rolling around on the floor.

Purple slapped a claw to his head. "Yeah...sure...whatever..."

"Pur, stop asking it questions, it'll just make more noise, and I really can't take much more of this," said Red.

"REDSY! Can yous give mes some tacossss?" Gir hopped up to face Red again.

"No, and stop doing that!" Red shoved Gir away again.

"But I need tacos or I will EXPLODE! That happens to me sometimes..."

"Yeah, um, sorry, I don't have any tacos," said Red.

"Does Purpley have da tacos?" questioned Gir, cocking his head.

"No..."

"But I LOOOVE the little tacos! I love them good." Gir jumped over to Purple. "Please let me have da tacos!"

"I don't have any tacos! And will you stop doing that, I'm starting to get pretty creeped out," said Purple, eyeing Gir in a distasteful manner.

"TAAACCCOOOSSS!" Gir starting hopping around the room. "TACO TACO TACO!"

"SHUT UP! I MEAN IT!" Red grabbed a side table and tossed it at Gir.

"Ah will if I gets the taaacoooosss..." Gir rocked back and forth on his small metal legs, grinning.

"Look, we don't have any tacos, now will you just stop talking?" groaned Purple.

"Nooooope! I wants da ta-cos! I wants da ta-cos!"

The Tallest looked at each other again.

"Hey, I have an idea..." Red grinned and turned to Gir. "We do have tacos, but they're not here."

"Where are they?" Gir stared back at Red. "I LOVE THE TACOS!"

"We know. They're, um, in that closet," said Red, pointing to a supply closet in the corner.

"WHA-HOO! IMA GONNA GET ME SOME A' THEM TACOS!" Gir ran towards the closet. Red quietly followed him and shut the door.

"Good idea..." Purple sighed in relief. "And still...fifty minutes left."

"Okay, now let's get out of here, before that thing can find us."

* * *

"Tall-guys? Where's you at?"

Gir ran down a corridor, looking for his friends. He didn't find the tacos in the closet, but when he got out, Redsy and Purpley were gone.

"Where'd da Tall-guys go?" Gir cocked his head at a table-headed service drone, who was heading to the kitchens.

"Uh..." The drone shifted her eyes nervously. "I shouldn't tell you, they'd be really mad..."

"But ah loved them!" Gir hugged the drone's leg, sobbing. "AH LOVED THEM SO MUCH!"

"Get OFF, I'm supposed to bring the Tallest some brownies!" The drone was panicked. If she didn't bring them the treats quickly enough, she was sure to be sent out the air-lock, or at least suffer some sort of punishment. She thought back to table-headed service drone Bob. Poor guy...

"Okay, if I tell you, will you let go of me?" The poor drone (who's name was Kiv) wanted to be loyal, but the circulation to her leg was being cut off. And there wasn't any way that the Tallest could find out who had told the SIR unit where they were, right?

"YEEEEEAAAAASSS!" said Gir, looking up at Kiv with his cyan eyes.

Kiv took a deep breath. "Okay, they're in their lounge on the nineth floor. But do NOT tell them that Kiv the table-headed service drone told you!"

"Okay!" sang Gir, hopping up and skipping off. Kiv breathed a sigh of relief and started walking again. She hoped that she hadn't taken too long...

* * *

"Do you hear something?" Purple glanced towards the door.

"Yeah...it knida sounded like-"

"TALL-GUYS! AH FOUNDED YOU!"

The Tallest screamed. Purple fell out of his chair and hid under it. "I'm not here, Red, got it?"

"Yeah you's is!" Gir peeked under the chair. He laughed. "AH FOUNDED YOU! You look for me now! You're it!"

"Won't you just go AWAY?" Red moaned as he sank back into his chair. "You're worse than Zim!"

"Yeah. I didn't think that was possible," huffed Purple, getting off the floor. "We try to get rid of you, try to cut off communication with you, try to just send you away to where we think you can't be a problem, but YOU STILL WON'T LEAVE US ALONE!"

"At least THAT thing's not capable of murder...right?" Red glanced at his partner.

"I really, really hope not," Purple shuddered. "But his capability to annoy the heck out of us is really strong...like Zim's...those two are perfect for each other."

"How much time is left?" wondered Red.

"Um..." Purple looked at a clock. "Half an hour."

"OOOH! Then I can play with Mastah! And we'll play the screamin' game lots, he LOVES that game! He plays it all the time, 'specially when his plans get 'splodey and when Big-Head Mary gets in da base or when it gets rainy or when-"

"Just shut up right now. Please. And how did you find us, anyway?" said Red.

At that moment, Kiv hurried in with a tray of brownies.

"Here you are, My Tallest." Kiv pushed the tray onto a table.

"It's about time. We've been waiting for about-NO! Purple, grab that thing!" Red snatched up the tray as Gir lept at it. Purple seized Gir by the arm.

"If you keep us from snacks AGAIN today, then I will destroy you," hissed Purple.

"Pur, didn't we try to destroy it about ten times already?" Red started eating the brownies.

"Hey! Save some for me!" complained Purple, grabbing at the tray, but Red held it away.

"First, say 'Lasers are better than smoke machines and Red is the better Tallest.' "

"No way! Hand 'em over!"

"Nuh-uh!" Red grinned.

"Red! Come on!" whined Purple.

"Say it!"

Purple mumbled something.

"I can't hear yooou!" Red sang.

"Irk, you are so obnoxious! Let me have some of those!"

"Nope. Say it again."

Purple gave him a glare. "Lasers are better than smoke machines and Red is the better Tallest," he muttered.

"Was that so hard?" Red held the tray out to him.

Purple picked up two brownies. He threw one at Red's head and ate the other. He looked around. "Where did that stupid SIR go?"

"I thought you had him!"

"I did..." The Tallest looked around the room for the robot. "You, table-headed service drone Kiv. Where did that SIR unit go?" demanded Purple.

"Hah, SIR unit? What are you talking about? I didn't tell it anything, that's a good one," said Kiv nervously.

The Tallest eyed her. Kiv started sweating and she shuffled her feet. She gulped.

"Wha-hey, did YOU tell that thing where to find us? You did, didn't you?" said Red. Kiv let out a sob and gulped again.

"Send her out the air-lock!" called Purple. A guard outside heard him and dragged Kiv off by the arm. Poor Kiv was reduced to tears.

"Now where did that thing go-" The Tallests' antennae pricked up. There was a large crash.

"Give you three guesses-" Red looked outside. He groaned. "Seriously? HE COULDN'T LEAVE WELL ENOUGH ALONE? AGH!"

Gir was zooming through the corridors of the Massive, singing the Doom Song. He crashed into a couple of kitchen workers, who went down screaming.

"THAT'S IT! I'm gonna call Zim and tell him to get that thing of his fixed NOW!" Red went out the door and Purple followed him. They shrieked and ducked as Gir flew through again. They quickly went out to the main deck.

"Contact Zim right now before that thing does anything else!" snarled Red at a technician. Purple cried out and swerved to the side as Gir rushed in. The Tallest moved to the large transmission screen. It crackled, and then showed Zim, who was on the floor...sleeping.

"ZIM!" screamed the Tallest. Zim's eyes flew open and he stood up. He yawned and saluted.

"Greetings, My Tallest. I was, uh, just-"

"WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING? FIX THAT THING! NOW!" Gir shot over to where the Tallest were and saw Zim. "MASTAH! HIIIIIII!"

"Hello, Gir," snapped Zim. "My machine is, in fact, fixed already. I was just very exhausted, having not slept for a few nights to finish my AMAZING contraption-"

"How long has it been fixed?" demanded Purple.

"I believe about an hour now-"

"WHY DIDN'T YOU TELEPORT THIS THING BACK?" yelled both Tallests.

"Well, I, eh, was quite tired, and I didn't think that Gir could be doing MUCH..." Zim scratched the back of his head, embarrassed.

"Doing MUCH? HE'S BEEN DRIVING US CRAZY! Teleport him, NOW!" commanded Red. "And if you don't get off me right now, I will...um...do very, very bad things," he snapped at Gir, who was hanging on his arm. He didn't know how to threaten the robot, really.

"Yes, My Tallest!" Zim hopped up. He pressed some buttons. "Okay...Gir's number...and my base coordinates..." Zim pressed a final button. "Okay, Gir will be transported immedeatly."

"Finally. Now GET! OFF!" Red shook his arm, but the SIR held on tightly. "Seriously, CUT IT OUT!"

There was a bright flash of light, and Gir was finally transported back, but someone else was too.

"Red?"

* * *

Yay, finished! Hope you guys liked it, I did! *does happy dance* Invader G.L.T., signing off!


	3. A Taller Problem

A/N: Hi, guys! I've decided to continue this because the last chapter had such an epic cliff-hanger. ^-^ Hope you like it! And this will prolly be a four-shot, now that I think about it...mwa-ha-ha...

* * *

"Oof!" Red landed on a floor. My face... he thought. How many scars am I going to end up with today?

"Gir...what...did...you...DO?" gasped a voice. Ugh, how Red hated that voice.

"Gir, go be...not here," said the voice sharply. "Just go. Go get tacos or something."

Red heard a joyous squeal and the clanking of metal. He lifted his face off the floor and looked around. Oh, Irk...this is a nightmare. That stupid SIR must have knocked me out and I'm dreaming a horrible nightmare, he thought defiantly, squeezing his eyes shut. This was too much after all that had happened that day.

A finger tapped his PAK. "My Tallest...are you all right?"

"Don't touch me if you want to keep your fingers," hissed Red, his eyes still closed. The finger instantly stopped tapping. Red opened his eyes and got up off the floor. Zim was standing in front of him, with a mixture of shock, awe, and utter delight written all over his face. Red stared at him for a moment before diving for him and wrapping his claws around the defect's throat.

"WHAT DID YOU DO!" he roared. "ANSWER ME!" Zim looked at him pleadingly. "Oh." Red realized that Zim was unable to answer and he nearly threw him back on the ground. Zim coughed and rubbed his neck before looking back up at Red.

"My Tallest...I'm afraid that when I transported Gir back to my base of operations, you were transported as well..." Zim looked like he wanted to be apologetic, but he also looked excited. "One of the Tallest is in my base! MY BASE!" Zim was beside himself with ecstasy. Red was beside himself with rage.

"YOU MORON!" he screamed, picking up the nearest object and hurling it at Zim, who cried out and jumped out of the way. "YOU WORTHLESS LITTLE IDIOT! TRANSPORT ME BACK OR I'LL KILL YOU! I SWEAR I WILL!"

"I would transport you back, My Tallest, but my machine got overloaded again!" called Zim, ducking behind said machine as Red tossed a hammer at him. It collided with the machine and put a large dent in the side, which probably didn't help.

"THEN FIX THE STUPID THING!" Red ran out of things to throw and he grabbed a laser out of his PAK.

"My Tallest, I'll fix it! I promise!" Zim sounded panicked and he ducked as a beam almost hit him. "Computer! What are the needed repairs? AUGH!" The bottom of his uniform got singed. Zim ran to hide behind his machine again as one of his antennae almost got burned off. It sure was lucky for Zim that Red wasn't good at hitting a moving target.

"You will need another replacement part like last time, but you don't have one. This piece will have to be ordered from Irk," spoke up Computer.

"Then order a new piece! Immediately!" Zim ran out from behind the machine as Red dove behind it.

"My Tallest, I apologize! I am deeply sorry!" cried Zim. "Computer! How long will it take to get here?"

"A couple of weeks, I guess."

"WHAT?" Red dropped his laser in shock. "NO! NO! I CAN NOT BE STUCK HERE FOR A FEW WEEKS!"

"Sorry. You're gonna have to deal with it," said Computer.

"AAAAGH!" Red snatched Zim up by the front of his uniform and shook him fiercely. "THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT, ZIM! If you hadn't started on that horrible thing in the first place, THIS WOULDN'T BE HAPPENING! YOU IDIOT! YOU LITTLE WASTE OF SPACE-"

The screen in the room crackled and Purple appeared on it, looking very confused.

"Red? What happened? Are you still with that SIR unit? And is that Zim?" he asked incredulously.

"YES," snarled Red, glaring at Zim malevolently. Zim seemed to shrink under his leader's gaze and gulped.

"Well, you were here a minute ago, then you...weren't..." said Purple.

"That SIR still had a grip on my arm and I got transported along with it to Zim's base," growled Red.

"Wow, that's too bad..." Purple gulped down some soda before continuing. "Can't you just make Zim fix it again?"

"Apparently he needs some stupid piece from Irk and it won't get here until two weeks from now," replied Red dully.

"Wait, a few weeks?" protested Purple. "I can't control the Massive for a few weeks by myself!"

"Pur, if you're seriously going to complain about your current situation, I'll tell everyone when I get back about Invader Bik," said Red, his eyes narrowed into slits.

"You do and you're dead!" Purple glared at him.

"Too bad. Now just shut up. I'll talk to you later," Red said shortly.

Purple looked slightly hurt, but he motioned for the transmission to be cut. Zim cleared his throat.

"Er, My Tallest? Would you mind putting Zim down?"

Still glaring at him, Red dropped Zim down on the floor again. He landed with a thud but recovered quickly. He clasped his hands together, his eyes shining.

"What an amazing stroke of luck this was, My Tallest! Out of all the Invaders, it was ZIM that you ended up with! This is so incredible! Oh, you can be here for when I finish the plan that I will use to destroy the Dib with, and my other LATEST AND MOST DIABOLICAL PLAN TO DESTROY THE HUMANS! I can make sandwiches!" Zim was grinning up at Red, as if he hadn't just tried to kill him. "You can sleep in my room, I shall sleep on the couch. This is great..." Zim walked over to an elevator and gestured to it. "After you, My Tallest!"

Red sighed, resigned, and he hovered over to the elevator. The door opened automatically. He got in, unprepared for what was going to happen next.

The elevator shot up about twenty times faster than normal speed. Red screamed as he was shot up towards the house-level extremely quickly. Over the sound of the rushing wind, he heard Zim yell, "GIR!"

Red reached the house-level, and the force of the speed made him crash into the ceiling. He hit the floor of Zim's kitchen.

"Owww...my...body..." he moaned, lacking the strength to get up.

"GIR! GET DOWN HERE!"

Gir skipped in from the living room, chomping a taco. He climbed in the trash-can. Red lifted himself up, wincing, and glared down the trash-can.

"NICE, ZIM! Real nice! What, try to assassinate your Tallest with a broken neck or a concussion or something! ? HUH?"

"Never, My Tallest! My robot was tampering with the house controls again-" There was a clang of metal as Zim smacked Gir upside the head. "Gir, you are the most horrible excuse for a minion EVER! When I give you orders, I WANT YOU TO FOLLOW THEM!"

"Is you mad, Mastah?"

"YES!"  
"YAY, I'M DOOMED!"

"Gir, that's BAD!"

"Aw man."

Red wanted to do either of three things:

Smash Zim's PAK and spray the defect with water.

Smash his own PAK to end this terrible, pain-inducing nightmare.

Cry.

Except for the first one, those weren't ideal. There were more upbeat options:

Accept the fact that he was stuck here for a few weeks and try to get along with Zim and his SIR.

Ignore them as much as possible, sleeping as much as he could and tuning out their horrible voices.

The first one very nearly made him vomit, so he picked option two. Irk, this was awful...this was definately going down as his worst day ever. EVER.

That included the end result of Operation Impending Doom 1.

Zim came up to the house-level and stepped out of the elevator.

"Hello, My Tallest. Are you all right?"

"Yes..." growled Red, straightening up.

"Good. Follow me." Zim marched out of the kitchen. Red followed him, glaring fiercly at the small Irken, and considering all the ways he could hurt him. He did actually have a list, and it was very, very long. He added to it a lot, most often after Zim would call them.

"Ther are some things I must tell you while you are visting Earth," began Zim, crossing the living room.

VISTING? Red squinched an eye and held up his fingers, pretending to squish Zim into a pulp.

"The terrible Dib-monkey is to be avoided at all times. If he found out about your being here, he would stop at nothing to collect more of his pathetic 'evie-dence'," said Zim. "And since it will take so long for that piece to get here, and I need to fix the machine properly, you will probably be here for a few more days. And I will have to attend Skool in the mornings...hm..." Zim scratched his chin, apparently considering something. He started going up a flight of stairs. "Also, Gir is likely to cause large amounts of chaos in various ways-"  
"No kidding," snapped Red. "That creepy, moronic piece of junk put us through heck while it was on his Massive, Zim."

Zim gave an embarrassed chuckle.

"Heh...yes...well, anyhow, there are a lot of foods he makes that you would be wise to stay away from, and he leaves many of his ridiculous toys lying about, such as his piggies and monkeys and such. And it is likely that the base could explode during your stay, I have been conducting another laser-weasel experiment. They're sure to work this time..." Zim laughed maniacally to himself for a few moments before continuing. "Ahem. And Gir also finds different ways to destroy the base, I'm not sure how he really does it sometimes...and you must not go outdoors until Computer designs a disguise for you-"

"Wow, Zim, that wasn't obvious," muttered Red.

"It wasn't, was it?" said Zim thoughtfully, totally missing the sarcasm. "Ah, Zim's amazing room of ZIM!" proclaimed Zim, gesturing dramatiacally to an open door.

Red ducked under the low entrance and moved into the room. It was in complete shambles. There was a desk with blueprints, sketches, and hurriedly-scribbled notes piled on top of it, and many of them had fallen to the floor. Snack wrappers and half-eaten sandwiches were also scattered on the floor. There was a waste-basket next to the bed where they could have been moved to, if it wasn't already filled to the brim with junk. The bed in question was unmade, with two pillows and a blanket that were all purple with Irken symbols printed on it. A closet was open, revealing small, identical pink uniforms. A few were hanging up, but a lot of them were wrinkled and on the floor. A little chest of drawers was in the closet as well, with two of the drawers open that had black gloves and pants. A few pairs of black boots were lined up outside the closet.

"It's good that I straightened up recently," said Zim, looking around the room proudly. "This certaintly could be worse."  
Red gaped at him, and then at the room. "What did you do...to straighten up? And how on IRK could this get worse?"

"Oh, I found and picked up all my pairs of boots," said Zim, pointing at them. He looked very pleased with himself. "And you should see Gir's room, My Tallest. So, I think that I shall ask Computer to design your human disguise tonight, it will take a while to complete, but if I start on it now, it should be ready by morning. Oh, My Tallest, you will enjoy your stay here with me greatly! This will be marvelous!" Zim marched downstairs, beaming.

Red rubbed his eyes and sat down on the bed with a frustrated sigh. This was worse-way worse-than when Zim took control of the Massive. Crashing into asteroids while while hurlting through the corridors of the huge ship and nearly getting killed would be way better than this.

Over two weeks...two...WEEKS...TWO STINKING WEEKS! He was seriously considering the crying options as well, but he was a surpreme leader of the Irken Empire, he wasn't going to sink so low.

What in the name of Tallest Miyuki did I do to deserve this? he thought dismally.

Was it karma because of Invader Lep?

But that guy was getting too tall for his own good.

Or was it for eating all the cookies at the last party and blaming Skoodge?

But Purple had definately had a hand in that one.

Or was it for throwing thirteen Irkens out the air-lock in a week?  
But they were all being ungrateful little twits.

Red wished very hard that he was back with Purple, eating as many snacks as he wanted and laughing at other peoples' misfortune. He wondered how Purple would get along without him for that long-

He moaned and rested his face in his claws. His co-ruler would barely make it. He wasn't really the best leader. He was kind of a moron at times...

He laid down on the bed and tried to get comfortable, but that seemed impossible. It was small like everything else that Zim owned. He was used to a huge, soft bed with puffy pillows and warm blankets, not this brick of a mattress.

Ugh, he wasn't going to be fond of this, he sure had gotten used to being treated like royalty. Because he was.

Contemplating on how much his life currently sucked, he slowly went to sleep.

* * *

"GUESS WHO MADE WAFFLES!"

Red's eyes shot open. He was about to chuck something at Purple to wake him up and ask what that noise was, but then he remembered that he was no longer on the Massive. He flopped a pillow over his face and groaned. He shut his eyes again and tried very hard to fall back asleep.

Suddenly, an alarm-clock rang out loudly from the bed-side table. Red let out a shriek as he fell out of bed.

There were pounding footsteps on the stairs and Zim burst through the door.

"Are you okay, My Tallest?"

"YES," snarled Red, picking himself up off the floor. "What's the deal with the stupid alarm clock!"

"Oh, yes, that. I usually have to attend Skool on Fridays, but I set it by mistake yesterday. I got, as the hyu-mans say it, 'suspended'."

"It's seven in the MORNING! Who's supposed to be up this early?" snapped Red. Actually, him and Purple both were, but one of them always destroyed the alarm-clock and they slept in till almost ten.

"Erm, the wretched human-stinks believe it to be a requirement that the children show up at Skool at eight-o-clock, and very horrible things happen to anyone who shows up late in Ms. Bitter's class..." Zim shuddered.

"MAAAASTAH! We is all outta soap!" Gir called from downstairs.

"Thank Irk," muttered Zim. "Just make normal waffles this time, Gir, that aren't revolting and sickening!" Zim yelled down to his robot.

"Is Tall-Redsy gonna eat 'em, toooo?"  
Red's left eye twitched. 'Tall-Redsy'?

"Only if you cook them normally, Gir."

"YEE-HOO!" There was a clatter and a thump. "Come and get da waffles, Mastah and Tall-Redsy!"

"I do NOT want to eat those," growled Red. "Those repulsive things got both me and Purple-"

Gir poked his head in the door. He grabbed both of Zim's hands and pulled him out the door.

"C'mon, Mastah! Follow me, Tall-Redsy!"

Red hoped dearly that Purple wouldn't have to hear that new nick-name, or he'd be stuck with that for a month. He scowled at Gir.

"Are you going to start whining again if I don't?"

"Yeah-huh!" replied Gir enthusiastically.

Red sighed deeply and began to follow Gir about the door. The robot was dragging Zim across the floor.

"Let go of me this moment, Gir!" hissed Zim. "Zim is perfectly able to walk by himself-oof! Ow! Hey! Ow! Stop! Ouch! GIR!" Zim was being bounced down the steps as Gir dragged him. Red snickered softly.

They reached the living room. Red almost gagged at the over-power smell of waffles eminating from the kitchen.

"Ova' HEEEERE!" sang Gir, still dragging a protesting Zim across the floor. Red's chuckles were hid by Zim's loud voice.

They reached the kitchen. Three insanely-high-stacked plates of waffles were set on the table. Gir dropped Zim and plopped down in a chair, stuffing the waffles in his mouth. "Ah like to make waffles..."

Zim glared at Gir as he sat down as well.

"Did you put anything horrible in these, Gir?" questioned Zim, holding up a waffle.

"Ah don' know!" Gir had gotten halfway through his stack already. Red looked at the SIR in disgust. Crumbs were flying everywhere.

Zim slowly took a bite. "Hey, these aren't bad. What's in them?"  
"There's waffle in 'em!"  
"YOU'RE LYING!" screamed Zim, then he composed himself and ate some more.

Red sat down as far away from Zim and Gir as possible. He eyed the plate closest to him. He was very hungry, and they didn't smell so horrible as the other ones had. And it wasn't likely that table-headed service drones were going to bring him cinnamon rolls and a latte any time soon. He picked up one of the forks that Gir had tossed on the table and wairily took a bite of the waffles.

Huh...they weren't too bad. At least they weren't soapy and crunchy.

"So, My Tallest," began Zim, putting his fork down. Red inwardly groaned.

"Computer has been working on a disguise for you, and I have it ready. I have decided that you could pose as my older brother-"  
Red choked on his waffles. The idea of being related to Zim made his skin crawl. Zim opened his mouth, concerned.

"I'm fine," snapped Red.

"Oh. Very well, then." Zim stuffed another waffle in his mouth and continued. Red scowled. He hated when Purple talked with his mouth full, and Zim doing that made it a thousand times worse.

"Since you will be here for close to three weeks, you can-"  
"THREE WEEKS?" Red dropped his fork.

"Yes. It will take longer to recreate my teleporter, because of the large mess down in the lab..."

Red knocked over his stack of waffles, and they hit Zim, almost knocking him over.

"Sorry, Zim, accident," said Red coldly.

"No problem, My Tallest..." said Zim, rubbing his head. Gir snatched up the waffles and gobbled them down.

"Anyway, so that it won't arouse suspicion, you can enroll in Hi-Skool for a short period, you're too tall to go into regular Skool or Midul-Skool. It is disappointing that you can't be with me in class during the day, but it can't be helped."

Red had absolutely NO idea what the little Irken was talking about in the least. Like that was new.

"Here is your disguise. Computer created a hologram projecter." Zim slid something small across the table.

Red picked it up gingerly. It was a simple ruby-colored ring. He slid it on one of his fingers.

The projection wavered for a moment, then cam in clear. Red's skin became the color of Dib's. He now had jet-black hair swept to one side (like Tak's had). He had a dark-red hoodie worn over a grey t-shirt depicting a black Irken symbol on the front. He wore dark-wash jeans that were worn out at the knees, and a pair of black converse shoes. He also had a black watch that doubled as a communicater. In actuality, he was in his twenties in Irken years, but now he looked like a seventeen or eighteen-year-old human.

"INGENIUS!" proclaimed Zim

"TALL-REDSY! Where'd you go? Where are you?" wondered Gir in a panic.

"I'm right here, you moronic thing," said Red dryly, rolling his eyes, which were now human-looking and colored mostly amber with a tinge of scarlet to them. (A/N: If you don't get what I mean, they look like the firebenders' eyes in Avatar: The Last Airbender.)

"Perfect, My Tallest! Now, you can go out with me to observe and get used to the rotting, horrible FILTH on this planet-"  
"No, Zim, I'd rather stay here," said Red, cutting him off.

Zim cocked his head. "Are you sure, My Tallest?"

"Yes, or I wouldn't have said anything," snapped Red.

"Oh. Very well, then..." Zim scratched the back of his head, looking disappointed. He perked up instantly and said, "I must go and retrieve materials for my latest scheme. I would tell Gir to get them, but he got banned from the humans' shopping mall..." Zim cast a Look at his minion, who was licking large amounts of syrup off his tiny robotic claws.

"That's disgusting," remarked Red, making a face at Gir.

"Am ah gonna be with Tall-Redsy again?" asked Gir ecstatically.

Red moaned and bonked his head on top of the table. He left it there dejectedly. He debated on what would be worse, going with Zim or staying with Gir. If he went with Zim, he would probably want to rip out his antennae to stop that antagonizing, never-ending voice. And if he stayed with Gir, he would probably end up getting his face hurt again or something equally painful would happen. That robot was like a curse.

"I guess I go with you, Zim."

Zim lit up. "Great, My Tallest! I shall get ready my ingenius disguise!" Zim ran out of the kitchen.

Red glanced at Gir, who was piling more waffles on the plates.

"These ones got socks an' rubber in 'em!" cried Gir gleefully as he started gulping them down.

"Ew..." Red inched his chair away from the table, hoping that he wouldn't have to eat those.

Zim came back downstairs, adjusting something atop his head. He grinned at Red, who snorted with laughter.

"THAT'S your disguise, Zim? Where's the rest of it?"

Zim looked at Red, slightly confused. "This is all of my disguise, My Tallest! DOES IT NOT AMAZE YOU!"

"You don't want me to answer that..." mumbled Red. "Those humans must be about as dumb as THAT thing if you haven't been carted off to a research lab or something by now," said Red, looking at Gir, who was rolling on the floor, giggling with glee.

"Indeed they are, My Tallest, indeed they are..." nodded Zim. "Especially the Dib...and his putrid head of smell, lies, and largeness..."

In the Membrane household, Dib looked up from his cornflakes, sensing a disturbace. He shrugged and went back to his breakfast. He felt unnerved today.

"Zim got suspended, meaning that he has a free day to plan another horrible...plan...to enslave the human race!" Dib muttered to himself. "That's really stupid, letting that alien stay home in his base to work on his evil, that's not a punishment! ZIM IS CRIMINALLY INSANE! And he's an ALIEN! WHY DO I EVEN HAVE TO TRY AND PROVE IT THIS MUCH? I MEAN COME ON!" he yelled at Gaz as she walked into the kitchen.

"Your voice is way too annoying for the morning," growled Gaz, stalking over to the counter and picking up a box of cereal. She shook it. Her eyes opened to glare at Dib.

"Did you eat the rest of the cereal, Dib?" she hissed.

Dib gulped. "Uh...no?" He lept off of his chair and grabbed his backpack, running for the door.

"Have to get to class early today, Gaz!"

"You don't own all the cereal, DIB! Get back here! YOU WILL PAY!" She chased after Dib as he ran down the sidewalk towards Skool.

* * *

"-And the Dib ALWAYS tries to make a fool out of me, stupid HUMAN! Squirmy, filthy Dib-SQUIRMY! Ugh, filthy SLUG! With those little GLASSES and his-ARGH! ARGH! ARGH! HEAD! Oh, look, I'm DIB with my pointy HAIR-POINTY HAIR! I eat FOOD and HAVE STUFF!"

For the love of IRK, Zim, if all these humans weren't watching, I seriously would strangle you right now without hesatation, thought Red, rubbing his temples as he followed Zim through the streets of the city. Zim had been ranting about something called a 'Dib' ever since they had left the house. It was one of the single most annoying thing that Red had ever heard...at least it wasn't more annoying than when Zim had called them on that horrible day-

"My Tallest? My Taaallleeessst? My Talleeest? My Tallest, My Tallest, My Tallest! My Tall! Hey, My Tallest! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! My Tallest! MAH TALLEST! MY TALLEST! MY TALLEST! Hey, it's me, My Tallest! My Tallest? My Tallest!"

Gah...three stinking HOURS of that! And he didn't really have anything IMPORTANT to say! Red stopped dead when he realized something- Zim had actually SAVED that Vort ship when he made the Massive lose control! THAT MORON! Red glared at Zim and picked up a rock.

"And then-OW!" Zim rubbed his head. "What-WHO DARE ASSUALT ZIM WITH THIS PORK-COW?" he yelled, holding the rock up.

"That's a stinkin' rock!" yelled back a guy who was passing.

"Wow, that's weird, Zim. I didn't see anyone throw that," remarked Red.

"Neither did I, My Tallest..." Zim huffed and continued on his way. "And the hag that rules over my classroom in Skool...Ms. Bitters. That demon-like creature, I don't even believe she's human! And she makes me answer her insane questions, and she sends me down to the underground classroom! And she assigns us these horrible papers known as 'homework', and blah blah blah blah..."

That was all that Red heard as he managed to tune out Zim's voice. Irk, that defect HAD to be the definition of annoying. If only he could get knocked out for three weeks...

He glanced at his watch. It was ten-o-clock.

"Crap!" he muttered. He remembered that they had scheduled to call Invader Bik around this time today. She had been making real progress on conquering planet Smeb lately.

Red snorted. Invader Bik. Purple had a huge crush on her, and he wouldn't admit it at all, even though it was glaringly obvious. But Bik somehow remained oblivious. Red imagined that Purple was rejoicing in the fact that his partner was stuck on Earth and he got to talk to Bik all by himself.

Red smirked. He could just HAPPEN to call Purple in a few minutes...

"Here we are, My Tallest!" spoke up Zim.

Red glanced up. They had reached a large building.

"I'm staying out here, Zim, there's something I need to do," said Red vaugely.

"Are you-"

"YES, I'm sure," snapped Red. "Go do...whatever." He sat down on a bench and started activating his communicater.

Zim looked disappointed, but he turned and marched into the store.

Red snickered to himself as he managed to get contact with the Massive. Purple was going to hate him after this...

* * *

YAY! Next chapter finally up! And this sure will be much more than a two-shot, I can tell you that. I am having soooo much fun with this story. I hope you like it! And I have a lot of ideas for it now. I haven't updated this in a while, I hope you don't think I stopped it. But it is alive...so very alive, and filled with goo! STORY GOO!


	4. Irritation on a Crazy Level

A/N: Hai! Here's the next awesome chapter of my awesome story! I personally lurve this story. It's an original idea and it's funny. Well, enough of my modesty, let's get on with this!

* * *

Purple watched Bik on the transmission screen dreamily. She was so pretty...

"Oh, Purple, of course I'll run away with you, who cares about universal conquest, or the Empire, or anything? All that matters is that we're together, nothing else. We'll stay side-by-side forever," she sighed in her soft, fluid voice, fluttering her deep violet eyes that looked lovingly into Purple's lavender ones.

"Yes, Bik, of course, of course!" murmered Purple.

"What did you say, My Tallest?" asked Bik.

Purple blinked and shook his head. He really was getting sick of blushing so easily.

"Er, nothing, Invader Bik," replied Purple, and he cleared his throat. Darn his voice...it got so much higher when he talked to her.

"Uh, so, your efforts in conquering Smeb are quite admirable, we have found," continued Purple. Wonderful, magnificent, amazing...

"And you have been able to blend in very well with the existing life on the planet, according to your progress reports."

A few technicians glanced up at Purple, than at each other. They quickly looked down again so they wouldn't laugh. Most everyone knew of their Tallest having a crush on Invader Bik.

"Thank you, My Tallest," said Bik, straightening up slightly, proud of the fact that she was being praised by one of her leaders. She knew that the Tallest liked her as an Invader, she was tall and could take down enemies well. She had no idea that Purple was in love with her.

"I was able to erect a hologram device to blend in well with the indigenous life on Smeb, and it matches the Smebians exactly. And once I conquer the planet, my mission will be complete, and we can finally be a couple! Tallest Purple and Invader Bik-that sounds perfect, doesn't it? I can finally be with you, and I can kiss those handsome lips of yours."  
"Yes, Bik, oh, definately..." mumbled Purple, grinning in a somewhat goofy manner. "And I can kiss you right back..."

"I apologize, My Tallest, I couldn't make out what you said again," said Bik.

Purple blinked again. "Oh, it was nothing...at all..." Argh! Stupid daydreams, stupid crush, stupid stupidness, stupid...

The transmission screen suddenly split into two.

"Whu-? Who are you? How did you get this number? You're inturrupting something-"

"Purple, shut it, it's me, Red! Zim made his computer make this disguise for me-"

"Yeah, likely story! Tell me something that only Red would know!"  
"You sleep with a teddy bear and listen to Katy Perry."

Purple could practically feel the room vibrate with surppressed laughter. His face burned dark green again as Bik covered her mouth with a black-gloved claw.

"Okay...you're Red," he muttered.

"Yes, I am. Oh, Irk, I'm so SORRY, I didn't realize that you were already talking to someone..." Red smirked. "Greetings, Invader Bik."

Bik made a quick bow. "Greetings, My Tallest. I am deeply sorry to hear about your predicament, you have my wishes for it to be resolved as quickly as possible."  
"Thank you. So, Purple, have you been enjoying yourself?"

"Get off, Red."

Red snickered. "Wow, Pur, are you okay? You're seriously blushing."  
"I AM NOT. Get off of the communication line."

"Oh, okay, so you'd rather talk to Bik instead of your co-Tallest? Would there be any special reason for that? Oh, wait, I think there IS," said Red.

"SHUT. UP. I'm not kidding."

"Aw, afraid that I'll make you look bad in front of Bik? You must like that name, you sort of grin every time it's mentioned. Say, Bik, would you like to know something really funny?"  
"Shut your stupid mouth this second, Red, I'm serious."  
"What is it, My Tallest?" Bik cocked her head.

"Purple has a huge cr-"  
"There's something important and Tallest-y I have to do, Bik, I'm afraid I can't continue the call. Farewell," said Purple shortly, his teeth gritted. He motioned for someone to cut the transmission from Smeb ASAP.

Bik's transmission screen went fuzzy. She thought of what Tallest Red was about to say, and Purple's actions. Does he...? She didn't realize it, but she was blushing. She shook her head. That's stupid.

"Milla!" called Bik.

Bik's SIR unit perked up, waking up from sleep-mode. Milla was what Bik had named her SIR unit, because she had seemed female. Milla saluted. "Yes, Mistress!"

"Come, we should go collect more data from the area we were working on yesterday." Bik marched out of her communications room, still contemplating on her latest transmission.

* * *

"Aw, she's gone, Pur. You should probably send a drone for extra tissues," remarked Red.

"Red, you are so dead," snarled Purple. "I will spray you with water and meat and put you through horrible pain when you get back here. I will hurt you SO BAD that you won't be able to eat snacks for a month and-"  
"Suuure you will..." said Red. "Well, I hope you enjoyed talking to Bik, too bad I interrupted...maybe next time she calls, you can finally confess your undying love to her." Red started laughing as Purple growled at him, profoundly furious. He shoved a technician out of the way and ended the transmission himself. Red was so in for it...stupid, stupid JERK...

"I'm going to hide his snacks for a year..." he hissed to himself. "And eat them all."

* * *

Red finished laughing and wiped a tear out of his eye. Irk, it was fun messing with Purple...and he a lot to work with, since his partner had developed a crush on Bik. It was hilarious.

He watched the humans walk past, not having anything else to do. They were horribly ugly, about as ugly as Skoodge. And some of them were almost as tall as him and Purple...and a few were even taller. He scowled and buried his hands in his jean pockets. This planet was horrible...

Zim came bursting out of the store, clutching something and panting. He looked very panicked.

"My Tallest, we must leave, the humans have called their sercurity guards on me again! Please, we have to go!"  
Red snorted. "It took this long? What did you blow up or fatally injure, Zim?"

"Nothing, they expect me to pay for these things-" Zim whipped his head around as a couple of security guards burst out of the store as well.

"Hey, where'd the green kid go?" wondered the female guard.

"Have you seen a kid with green skin come out here?" the male one demanded of Red.

"Oh, yeah. He's over there," replied Red, nodding towards Zim, who had started running down the sidewalk.

The guards ran after him and jumped on him.

"That's it! We've had enough of you just taking things from the store! That's the fifth time in the past month!" yelled the female guard. "Didn't your parents ever teach you that stealing is wrong?"  
"You expect ZIM to pay for your human merchandice? HA! I laugh at it! My Tall-uh, older brother, help me!" cried Zim, looking at back at Red pleadingly.

The guards looked back at Red, who was now mentally cursing Zim down to the most horrible reaches of nighmares.

"Are you related to this boy?" questioned the male guard.

Before Red could say he had never met him before in his life, Zim called out, "Yes, yes, he is my older brother! Please, save me!"

"Here, take him home," said the female guard, letting go of Zim, who got up quickly and ran back towards where Red was sitting. He smirked at the guards.

"Pitiful HYOO-MANS!" he crowed as the guards went back to patrolling the mall. They shot him glares.

"If we have our way, you'll be banned from this mall," the male guard snapped back.

"Ah, now that's all sorted, let us return to my base, My Tallest!" said Zim, smiling up at Red and then turning to the sidewalk, holding his prize as he marched off.

Red sighed heavily and got up off the bench. 'Older brother'...gah, this was absolutely terrible.

They walked for a while, but Zim went a slightly different way this time.

"I wasn't able to gather all that I need, but I still have this!" Zim proudly held up a bottle. "Since the Dib-worm has to go to Skool today and I don't, I'm going to sneak into his room and spread paste all over the bedroom floor, so that he may never move again!" Zim started laughing as he activated his PAK legs, the ones with suction cups on the ends. He scurried up one side of the house.

Red just shook his head and put a palm to his face. Idiot...moron...stupid...defective...

Wait, I don't have to walk back to his base with him, I can just go there right now! thought Red. I remember his base isn't too far from here...he made sure that Zim was still occupied, and he started walking down the sidewalk carefully, making backwards glances every now and then.

* * *

Red reached the green-and-purple house with the creepy-as-heck lawn gnomes and the 'I (heart) Earth' sign. He grinned. Sweet silence. He went down the walk that led to the front door. He swore that he saw one of the gnomes move, but when he spun around, they were all immobile. He resumed walking.

He tried to open the door, but of course it was locked. He heard a call of 'INTRUDER!' from inside. Before he could move, the door swung open and Red was face-to-face with two badly-sparking robots.

"Hello, have you come to play with our little boy? Oh, he has such good friends! Brush your teeth!" said the one with a pink tutu. It lept at Red suddenly with a toothbrush in one of its yellowed-gloved hands. "BRUSH YOUR TEETH!"

"AUGH! WHAT ON IRK!" Red crashed to the ground as the robot attacked his face with the brush. The one who had a pipe in its mouth said, "Good work, dear! I'll get our boy's visitor some food!" It held up a sink. "After this, we'll go play in the toilet!"

"GAH! OW! STOP! HEY! CUT IT OUT!" Red tried to shove the robot away, but it held on tightly.

The neighbors glanced outside for a moment, but quickly shuddered and went back to their current engagments. They all knew too well of what happened to anyone who approached the scary house that stuck out like a sore thumb in the middle of the small neighborhood. All those Girl Scouts, make-up ladies, and other unsuspecting visitors who had either locked themselves inside their houses for a month afterwards or had gone straight to therapy...

Zim approached his base, chuckling maniacally to himself and not noticing the scene in front of him until he reached the fence. He looked up and his mouth dropped open in shock. "There you are, My Tallest! Oh, I apologize profusely!" He ran over to the Roboparents and poor Red. He pushed the robots away and back into the house. He slammed the door shut and looked back at Red, who was gasping and lying on the ground, shaking slightly.

"I am dreadfully sorry, My Tallest, perhaps I should have warned you about the Roboparents-"  
"Yeah, 'perhaps'," snarled Red, getting up off the ground.

"Maybe I should try and make some modifications to them sometime..." Zim bit his lip. "Hm. Well, anyway, I was able to complete my mission, and the Dib shall be stuck by my paste of doom forever!" Zim started laughing again.

Red rolled his eyes as he walked through the front door. Zim followed him, grinning proudly.

"GIR!" yelled out Zim. The robot fell down from the ceiling and landed on his head, making himself upside-down.

"Yes, My Master!" saluted Gir, his eyes bright-red for the normal two seconds.

"Did you protect the base from all intruders as I instructed?"  
"Uh..." Gir toppled over. "Yeees?"

"Did you, Gir? Tell to Zim!" demanded Zim.

"Weeell, ah gots pizza from da pizza man!" Gir reached into his head and pulled out an extremely gloppy piece of pizza. He chomped down on it, smacking noisily and spreading cheese all over his face.

"Ew, gross!" Red eyed Gir with horrid distaste.

"Did anyone come in, Gir? At all?" questioned Zim, his skin turning a lighter shade of green as he listened to Gir eat the pizza.

"Nah, ah don' think sooo..." Gir stuffed the last bit in his mouth. He grinned. "Ah loves cheese!"

Zim almost gagged, looking at Gir, who had the cheese spread all over himself somehow. "I know you do, Gir..."

"Yep! Ya want some, Tall-Redsy?"

Red's squeedley-spooch rolled over. "No, not in the least."

"Aw man." Gir hopped over to the couch and grabbed up the TV remote. He switched on the enormous TV and the screen showed a picture of a smelly monkey, who growled every so often. Gir's smile got bigger as he leaned forward, mesmerized by the monkey.

"It's da Scary Munkey Show, Tall-Redsy! Wanna watch it?"

"No."

"Of course he doesn't, Gir. I'm sure you would rather come down to the labs with me and watch me work on my machine, yes, My Tallest?" Zim looked up at Red eagerly.

"Not really..." Red sighed. "Just take me down to your communications room, Zim, I need to talk to Purple."

"Oh, of course..." Zim got disappointed again, but he walked into the kitchen. "Follow me, My Tallest."

* * *

Two service drones watched their Tallest forlornly for a few moments before looking at each other with identical worried expressions.

"That's the fifth can of soda that he's had in the past few hours, all that sugar isn't good for him," said the female drone, Lev, in an undertone.

The male one, Dif, bit his lip. "Yeah, this can't be good." Everyone also knew of Tallest Purple's addiction to grape soda, and the results of all the sugar. Usually Red was there to stop him before he had too much, but, unfortunately, their other Tallest wasn't here.

"Here!" said Purple gleefully, chucking the empty can at the drones hard. "Get me some more! I love you guys!" He started giggling madly. "When you get back, we can play together! Let's play pretend! I love that game!"

Dif moaned, face-palming. "How can we stop this? We can't survive on the Massive for three weeks with our Tallest drunk on grape soda!"

"Should we just stop bringing him soda?" whispered Lev.

"I wish, but he gets dangerous when he's on a sugar-high, too. Scary and super-happy at the same time. If only we could knock him out somehow," replied Dif. "Remember last time? He somehow locked the chief pilot in a supply closet, prank-called all the Invaders, and attacked a bunch of the technicians with hugs before Tallest Red could get him calmed down."

"I want some muffins, too!" called Purple. "I like muffins a lot! And cheese!" He started laughing very hard. "Cheesey-cheesey-cheese!"  
"Oh, Irk..." sighed Lev, face-palming as well. "We're in trouble..." The two drones watched Purple glumly, as he started singing and spinning around in circles.

"Um, there's an incoming transmission from Earth, what should we do about it?" spoke up a technician, poking his head into the room.

"I don't know..." said Dif. "Our Tallest is...unable to talk normally at the moment..."

"Darn it...well, it's probably Tallest Red, we can tell him that Tallest Purple is on another one of his sugar-highs," sighed the technician. He walked off.

* * *

"Where's Purple?" demanded Red.

"I'm sorry, My Tallest, he is on a sugar-high and unable to communicate properly at the moment," said the technician.

"Oh, Irk..." Red rubbed his eyes. Purple got completely insane when he was on a sugar-high.

"Try and knock him out, and stuff him in a closet or something," Red told him.

"Will do, My Tallest," saluted the technician. The transmission was cut.

Red slumped against the chair that was in front of the huge screen. Great. This was just great. This was probably more karma for bugging Purple earlier.

Karma sucked. And it hated him with a passion, apparently.

A very loud sound was heard from above. It sounded like an explosion. It was surprising that Red wasn't dead already, considering that he was with Zim and that demented SIR.

Maybe karma just liked to mess with him a lot, and it didn't hate him enough to kill him.

Or maybe it hated him enough not to kill him? Death wouldn't be as bad as this situation.

Karma was really, really horrible. He supposed that the feeling was mutual, then.

Maybe he could just hide here for three weeks? As far as he knew, Zim didn't call anyone but them.

But he'd get really hungry. And he'd already eaten all the snacks that he kept in his PAK for emergencies.

And the chair was uncomfortable.

"GIR! WHAT HAVE I TOLD YOU ABOUT MESSING WITH MY SUPPLY OF EXPLOSIVES!" Zim's loud voice echoed down into the communications room.

"MiniMoose wanted to see fireworks!" Gir called back.

What on Irk was a 'Mini-Moose'?

After a few more minutes, the shouts dwindled and Red decided to go back up. He got in the elevator with slight difficulty (it was small) and went back up to the house level. Fortunately, Gir hadn't decided to alter the controls again.

A couple moments later, Red was in the weird-looking kitchen again. Gir was still watching TV. Zim must have still been down with his machine. Oddly enough, the SIR wasn't saying anything, just staring at the TV. What on Irk was so fascinating about a creepy, smelly monkey?

* * *

The rest of the day passed without anything horrible happening, amazingly, unless you counted Gir accidentally giving Zim a black eye when he lept down on top of his head forcefully. And Red didn't count that.

Red idly doodled on a scrap of paper while sitting on the couch next to Gir, who had found his favorite show playing on another channel. The robot stayed quite as long as he could see that monkey.

"My Tallest, do you-?"

"Zim, shut. Up. Don't ask me again," snapped Red, looking up from his paper to glare at Zim.

"Are you sure? It will be fascinating to witness my working on my next ingenius, evil plan-"

"I bet it will. It just doesn't appeal to me at the moment," Red responded shortly.

Zim's antennae drooped. "Please?" He looked back up at Red with big ruby eyes that shone with importune, and his claws were clasped. "Oh, PLEASE can you come down to the labs with me and see my latest plan, My Tallest? I know you will find it amazing! PLEEEESE?"

Red sighed in exasperation and threw down his pencil. "Fine," he muttered, getting up off the couch.

Zim's face lit up with a smile. "Thank you, My Tallest! Please come with me!" He went into the kitchen, Red following him unwillingly.

"In here!" Zim stepped into the toilet and pulled the chain. He disappeared.

Red stayed there for a moment, then he started to sneak back into the living room.

"My Tallest? You are coming, aren't you?" Zim called up as Red almost got back to the couch.

I should have known that I couldn't do that...thought Red as he went back. He looked down the strangely-disguised elevator.

"Zim, isn't there some other way to get down there?"

"Well, yes, you could use the trash can, but it will be longer getting down here-"

"See you later," interrupted Red. Any minute away from Zim was an enjoyable one. "I'll use that entrance."  
"Oh, if you wish," said Zim, sounding slightly confused. But his voice got brighter. "Yes, you can do that, My Tallest! I must attend to something..."

Zim, how can your PAK have not overloaded completely by now from all that ignorance and denial? thought Red as he stepped into the other elevator. He shook his head. There had never been an Irken so defective...or so dangerously insane...

As soon as the elevator was activated, it dropped very, very quickly. It was almost a repeat of yesterday, only in an oppisite direction. It dropped so fast, that Red had to hang onto a rail on the side of the elevator so that all the rushing wind wouldn't push him back up towards the house-level.

He stopped at a lower level abruptly and crashed to the floor of the small elevator. A figure was standing there in front of it, grinning.

"I was able to bring the elevator straight down to the room that I was forming my latest plan in, My Tallest! And it took only about twenty seconds! If you had come down here at normal speed, it would have taken you eight minutes! Oh, I am such a genius..." said Zim.

Red got up shakily, glaring hard at Zim. "Thanks, Zim, I needed more pain after the past few days!"

"Really?" Zim cocked his head.

"NO, NOT REALLY!" yelled Red. "Zim, are you seriously immune to sarcasm?"

"No, I don't believe so," answered Zim. "And now; to my brilliant plan!" He turned proudly to his machine. "Are you listening, My Tallest?"

"Unfortunately," said Red dully.

"Good. Now, for this plan, I have decided to make the humans' sun even hotter than it is now, so that the heat will wipe out all life! I will use my Voot to travel close to the sun, and set fire to it using this flamethrower that I have been making. The fire will make the sun many, many times hotter!"

Red stared at him for a moment, than he started laughing.

"What is so humorous, My Tallest?" said Zim, looking back at his leader in confusion.

"No-nothing...it's a great plan, Zim..." Red managed to say through his snickers. Seriously, Zim, could you be any more of a moron? he thought.

"I thought you would approve, My Tallest!" said Zim, smiling proudly again. "I plan to execute this sometime next weekend, I still need to work out a few things first. Bu it will work, oh, those horrible, smelly meat-sacks shall all face the wrath of ZIM! Oh, My Tallest, I am so glad that you are here to witness my most diabolacal plan EVER to have been created! This is the best thing that has ever happened here on Earth...do you remember when I locked onto the Massive's power core, My Tallest? I was planning to bring you here to witness the unleashing of my brain-parasite plan, but thanks to the Dib I couldn't get the Massive here. But now you can see-"

"I'm going back upstairs, Zim, if there's nothing else absolutely urgent," spoke up Red, cutting him off.

"Eh? Oh, yes. I must make some more modifications." Zim bent down and picked a tool up off the floor. "And if you could, My Tallest, I ask respectfully that you try and keep Gir from coming downstairs, he could probably set the lab on fire if he came down here."

"If the stupid android comes down here, Zim, it is not going to be my fault," said Red. "And fix the elevator before I go back up."

"Oh, I don't need to. It was just programmed to move quickly that one time, it should be fine now," responded Zim, his tongue between his teeth as he carefully screwed in something.

" 'Are you sure?' " said Red, imitating Zim's voice.

"Er, yes." Zim's cheeks turned slighty darker as he continued to work.

"Fine..." Red got back in the elevator.

* * *

"ZIM!"

"I'm sorry, My Tallest, I was sure that Computer had fixed it!"

"How sure were you?" hissed Red, getting up again.

"Quite sure..." Zim tapped his fingers together nervously as he looked up at his Tallest, who had smashed into the ceiling once again. He turned.

"COMPUTER! WHY DIDN'T YOU FIX THE ELEVATOR!"  
"I didn't feel like it," yawned Computer.

"YOU USELESS THING! YOU KNEW THAT THE TALLEST WAS IN THERE!"  
"No, I didn't really."

"YOU DID TOO! YOU HORRIBLE PIECE OF HARDWARE!"

"Yeesh, does your voice ever get tired of screaming like that?"

"I AM ZIM! OF COURSE IT DOESN'T!"

"Shut up. Right now, Zim," growled Red. "There's only so much I can take of your voice in one day. And you definitely exceeded the limit."

"I am very sorry about the elevator, My Tallest. My computer is...rather disobedient sometimes," said Zim, looking quite frustrated. "As is Gir. Anyway...are you hurt at all from-"

"What, slamming into the ceiling? No, of course not. That wouldn't hurt anyone. It was actually fun doing that," snapped Red, his voice dripping sarcasm.

"Wow, really, My Tallest? It looked rather painful-"

"IRK, ZIM! SERIOUSLY! I was being SARCASTIC! Don't you get that AT ALL?"

"Eh, yes, of course..." said Zim. "I will go back down and finish what I was working on, do you-"  
"Zim, if you ask me if I want to go down there again, I will hurt you," said Red in a menacing sort of way.

"Oh...okay. Well, then I will go back down to the labs, you are welcome to join me if you wish." Zim walked over to the toilet-disguised elevator.

"Yeah, because I didn't already say that I didn't want to go down there several times!"

"But you did, My Tallest." Zim looked back at Red, nonpulssed.

Red gaped at Zim for a few moments before heading back out of the kitchen.

If he wasn't going to die from the acts of one of the most dangerous and crazy defects Irk had ever seen, it was going to be from sheer irritation.

* * *

Done! Aw yeah! Good gosh, I love this fic. I hope you like it! And this is sooo much longer than a two-shot... :3


	5. A Big Headed Pest

A/N: Hello, my followers...yes, favorite me, follow me, enjoy my stories, and together, WE SHALL RULE FANFICTION . NET! MWA-HA-HA-HA-HAAAA! Ahem. :3 So, I prolly should be workin' on a few other ones, instead of just this, but... *sigh* AH LOVES IT SO MU-U-U-U-CH! Yesh, anyway, let's move on. It is so darn fun writing this. And to respond to my latest reviews:

Invader Johnny:

Yeah, poor Red...but it is definately a truckload of well-deserved karma that he's getting. And I don't actually hate him, he's one of my absolute favs, but it's funny to make all that stuff happen to him. X3

punky:  
D'aw, thanks! Here's a cookie!

HyperSpooches58:  
Yeah, he totally is! He'd take anything that his Tallest said completely seriously. I'm glad you enjoy this!

Ruler of All Sporks:

Thank you soo much! And here's your update! And yeah, Red's PAK is going to be overloaded from craziness or something when he gets back. And I am quite excited for him and Dib to cross paths, myself... X3

Reviews make me almost Keef-happy! I'm sooo glad that I've gotten such positive feedback from this! I will continue this story for a while, I wouldn't have if I hadn't gotten all the reviews! And I'll stop stealing all the world's exclamation points and get on with the story!

* * *

Saturday morning dawned bright and clear. The sun was shining as radiantly as it ever had, the birds were all chirping their own pretty songs, and it was a lovely seventy-two degrees with patches of puffy clouds scattered throughout the brilliant blue sky.

What a beautiful day for an average weekend.

Then again, it depended on your point of view.

And a certain someone didn't care how amazing the weather looked.

He just wanted out of this horrible situation.

He tried his hardest not to strangle the much-shorter subject in front of him, who was talking a mile a minute-or perhaps even a second-without taking a single breath. And he wasn't showing any signs of stopping.

"-and the Dib said that I had a flaw in my security system, but what does that horrible human know? Especially since he's DIB, with his stupid-looking glasses and that puny-brained head, but it's so disturbingly large, how is it possible for a creature to be so stupid with a head that big? Oh, that filthy slug will get what is coming to him, he shall forever rue the day he dare mess with ZIM! That horrible, interferring DIB! How dare he not just stay on Earth and not get squashed like all the other humans would have if I had suceeded with my crushing of Earth, and he should have just accepted his moosey-fate when I put him on the bus with the other Skool-children! That stupid Dib-thing with his stupid hair and stupid big head and stupid black coat and stupid face and stupid legs and-"  
"Zim...what on Irk must I give you to SHUT. UP?" snarled Red.

"Well, now that you mention it, My Tallest, I could still use some battle tanks-"

"BREAKFAST TIMES!" yelled out Gir, thumping a plate on the table.

"Muffins, Gir? Did you put anything...unusual in them this time?" questioned Zim, poking at a muffin that was sitting on the plate.

"Ah dooon' know..." said Gir thoughtfully, peering at the muffins.

Zim took a bite. "They're actually edible...not very good-tasting, but at least they don't taste like soap."  
" 'CAUSE AH MAKES 'EM TASTY FOR MASTAH AND TALL-REDSY!" Gir grabbed a muffin and shoved it in his mouth.

"Could you stop calling me that?" said Red, giving Gir a very annoyed look.

"But ah loves you!" Gir lept across the table and grabbed Red in another one of his glomps.

"GIR! STOP THAT! The Tallest is not your personal play-thing!" Zim grabbed hold of Gir's legs and tried to pull him off.

"Get OFF, YOU STUPID THING!" Red tried pulling on Gir as well.

"Will you eat mah muffins?" Gir looked up.

"Sure, whatever, just get off of me!"

"OKAY!" Gir let go, and the tight grip that Zim had on Gir made the tiny Irken fly backwards, off his chair, and onto the floor with a crash. Red snickered slightly.

"Aw, don't be hurted, Mastah. I know what'll make YOU feel better!" Gir said cheerfully, as Zim moaned. Gir grabbed the plate of muffins off the table and turned it over on top of Zim, making the muffins bounce on him and fall to the floor.

"AUGH! GIR! YOU HAVE SOILED ZIM'S EYES WITH THOSE HORRID MUFFIN CRUMBS!" Zim blinked and rubbed his eyes several times, trying to get rid of the crumbs. Red smirked.

"Oh, you still gots ta eat a muffin, Tall-Redsy!" Gir swiped one off the floor and pushed it towards Red. He ate another one, as if comfirming their deliciousness.

"No! They were on the floor!" Red made a disgusted face at Gir.

"WAAAAAH! WAAAAAH! WAAAH!" Gir started screaming. He threw the muffin at Red's head in anguish.

"Gir! How dare you assult the Tallest with a muffin!" Zim got back into his seat and glared at Gir, as if throwing a muffin at someone's head was a capital offense.

"WAAAAAAAH!"

"SHUT UP! I'll eat the stupid muffin!" Red grabbed up the muffin and took a bite out of it.

Gir hopped back into his chair, grinning as broadly as ever. "YAY! Don't they taste all pretty-ful?"

"Sure..."

"Now dey is all on the floor..." Gir looked forlornly at the scattered muffins, his cyan eyes filling with tears. He gasped. "I can make MORES OF DEM!" He giggled happily, feeling smart for coming up with such an amazing solution as he went over to the oven again.

Red sighed and looked out the window. It had only been a few days...and it would be several more. With that defect. And the SIR with the addiction to hugging things. Red now hated himself for ever have giving Zim that broken-down piece of junk. Giving Zim a regular SIR unit would have resulted in possible revolt, actually. It was built into SIRs' AIs that stupidity was an enemy and must be terminated. So they probably should have given him a real SIR...if only they could have sent him all those malfunctioning SIRs...gah...Red kept realizing things during his banishment of sorts to Earth that made him hate Zim even more. He spitefully tossed his half-eaten muffin at Zim, who turned around.

"What was that, My Tallest?"

Red shrugged.

"Hm. Well, anyway, since my plan to stick the Dib to his bedroom floor didn't work, I have decided to send another one of my mutant flesh-eating squids after him. He will be so very doomed! DOOMED, I SAY!" He started laughing very hard, beating a black-gloved fist on the table with mirth.

Red was going to say that wouldn't he get eaten by it if he took it over to the human's dwelling? But he wasn't going to pass up this chance for Zim to be gotten rid of for good. He'd probably accompany him and watch the show. That would be very entertaining, especially if the monster ate all of Zim's flesh off.

That really would be neat.

But he still needed Zim alive to fix that machine so he could get back to the Massive...

Darn it to heck!

Zim finished laughing, mumbling things gleefully, such as 'big-head', 'pitiful human', and 'doom'. He grinned at Red.

"I must first go back down to the labs and fix parts of the security system, it's been rather defective lately. There was an unknown intruder yesterday that should have been shot down and fried by the lasers from my gnomes of doom, but there seems to be a blind spot in between them."

"I was that intruder, Zim..." Red rubbed his forehead.

Zim's mouth dropped open and he flushed.

"Oh, I'm sorry, My Tallest! That was you that Computer detected?"

"YES! Those freaky robots attacked me when I tried to open the door!"

Zim looked like he wanted to crawl in a hole and never come out. He laughed nervously.

"Well, it is a good thing that my sercurity was down, wasn't it, My Tallest? Or else you might have been...dead..."

"You really are the assuring one, aren't you, Zim?" snapped Red, but on the inside, he was shivering. He did actually almost die yesterday.

CURSE THAT KARMA!

"I am, quite," nodded Zim, his zipper-like teeth spreading into a smile.

I hate you, Zim, Red snarled inside his head. I really, really hate you.

"It won't take long to repair the security. Then I may unleash my squid on the Dib...HE SHALL BE DOOMED!" Zim cackled evily as he marched over the toilet. He pulled the chain.

Red closed his eyes in relief. Ah. Silence.

"AH MADE MORE MUFFINS!"

Red yelped and almost fell off the chair. Gir dropped another plate on the table. He grabbed two of them. He smiled at Red and held one out.

"Ah mades 'em with love and doom!"

Red rolled his eyes. "Good for you."

"Come on, let's go an' watch TV! AND EAT MUFFINS! AND YOU CAN MEETS MINIMOOSE!" Gir's voice got progressively louder with each word. Red winced.

"LET'S GO, TALL-REDSY!" Gir grabbed hold of Red's right arm and started pulling.

"Hey! Let go of me!" But the SIR held on tightly. He looked up at Red expectantly.

"Pleeeease?"

"What will you do if I say 'no'?

"Oh, lotsa stuffs!" Gir nodded eagerly.

Red huffed. "Can you let go of me first?"

Gir cocked his head. "Can I dance with a piggy and eat a cupcake if ah do?"  
"Um, sure...?"

"WHOO-HOO!" Gir dropped Red's arm and skipped into the living room. Red huffed and followed him.

Gir jumped onto the couch and buried his face in a cusion happily.

"The couch is mah FRIEND..."

Red raised a non-existent eyebrow.

Gir looked up. "Tall-Redsy, come an' sit by ME!" He ran over and jumped up, holding onto Red's arm again, swinging from it happily.

"STOP IT!" Red threw the SIR unit down on the floor. "Seriously, I'm getting sick of you doing that!"  
Gir looked back up at Red with a grin. "That was FUN! Do it again!" He grabbed Red's arm.

"NO!" Red shook his arm, but the robot held on tighter this time. He gritted his teeth.

"LET. GO. RIGHT. NOW."

"OOOH! Ah'll go an' ask Mastah if he wants to watch TV with us!" Gir let go and ran towards the kitchen, his tiny silver legs clomping on the floor.

Red moaned and flopped down on the couch. He hated that SIR as much as Zim. His personal space had definitely been penatrated more times than a few. He wanted to crush its stupid, moronic head and pull its arms off so that it couldn't hug him ever again. But all SIRs, even the defective ones, had large energy shields that protected them from many things, such as lasers...

He wanted to lock himself in a closet and sleep for three weeks. Or have an enormous supply of snacks to eat, and then fall alseep.

He really wanted to be back on the Massive, being treated like royalty.

He hated Purple right now. Stupid jerk was probably enjoying himself without Red to tell him that he couldn't eat so much sugar.

Red wanted sugar. Lots and lots of it so that he wouldn't be able to realize that he was actually on Earth with the biggest defective morons in the universe.

* * *

"I think we lost him," panted Dif, as both him and Lev leaned against the wall, wheezing.

"Good Tallest Miyuki, when is this going to stop?" moaned Lev.

"I don't know, but this is bad. Planet Greent is due to be taken over by the Armada in three days, and we have one of our Tallest stuck on Zim's planet and the other on an intense sugar-high," said Dif. Dif and Lev were two of the drones that served the Tallest most often, and were pretty well-imformed on these things.

"I wish that Tallest Red were here..." sighed Lev. "He'd be able to knock out Tallest Purple and stick him in a closet. But none of us have been able to sneak up on him. He's missing right now-"  
"Thank Irk. He started playing 'tag' with us and was tagging us with a laser. Good thing we escaped. I think my antennae almost got burned off," said Dif.

"Same here..." Lev peered out into the corridor. "I think we're safe. Let's track him down. We've gotta get him unconscious before he does something dangerous."

"WHOO-HOO!" Purple zoomed around the corner. He spotted the two drones with an insane grin on his face.

"I FOUND YOU GUYS! It's your turn to find me!" He started giggling again. "I love playing games with you! You're my bestest friends! You got my cookies yet?"

The drones looked at each other.

"What do we do?" whispered Lev, panicked.

"I don't know!"

"Where'd all those bunnies come from?" wondered Purple, staring at the opposite wall in confusion. "And why are they wearing hats? Those are mine! I want 'em back!" He rushed at the wall at top-speed and ran straight into it, knocking himself out.

The pair of short Irkens walked over to him.

"Well...that's a relief..." said Dif.

"We should get him in a closet before he wakes up," said Lev. Dif nodded.

* * *

Finally...away from those psychotic, defective, stupid pests...thought Red, as he leaned against the back wall of the closet that he was in.

It wasn't the most comfotable place, but at least it was quiet. And he had a bag of popcorn and some cherry soda with him.

This was the best thing that had happened since he had gotten stuck on Earth.

He had snuck away while Gir had went down to get Zim, and looked for a place to hide and regain his sanity.

So, here he was sitting in a dark closet, with snacks and much sought-after silence.

It was heaven.

"Tall-Redsy? Where'd ya gooooo?"

Red cringed and almost choked on his popcorn. Every Irken curse he knew ran through his mind.

"DERE YOU IS!" Gir flung open the closet door. His metal mouth spread into a smile. "Ah knew ah could find yous! Playin' hide'n-seek's real fun with you! Mastah always has hidn' places dat ah can find real easy, but you find real good places!"

"Not good enough," muttered Red. He resisted the urge to bang his head against the wall very hard.

"Can ya come an' watch a movie with me, Tall-Redsy?"

"No. I dearly want to stay in here forever with an enormous supply of snacks and silence." Red stuffed some more popcorn in his mouth, chewing it sulkily. "But because the universe hates the fact that I exist, that's not going to happen. Why can't I get some of the luck that Zim has? He doesn't deserve it."

"D'aw, why does da yoo-nee-verse not like yous?" Gir hugged Red again. "Ah likes you, anyways!"

"Get off. Now." Red was able to pry Gir off this time. "I'm going to wind up almost as nuts as Zim if I'm here for three weeks."  
"My Taaaall-eeeest?" Zim called up to him. "I

have something new that I want to show you!"

"Of course you do..." grumbled Red, standing up and getting out of the closet. "I wonder, is it really possible for someone to drop dead from an overdose of annoyance?"

"Ah don' know! Wanna play with mah piggy, Tall-Redsy?" Gir held up a rubber piggy as Red went out the door and started down the steps.

"No."  
"Okay. We'll just have fun together, then!" Gir started hopping down the steps. He tripped and crashed down the rest of the staircase.

"That would have been funny if it were Zim," noted Red.

"AH WANNA DO IT AGAIN!" Gir ran back up and promptly fell down, clattering down the steps again. Red rolled his eyes as he reached the foot of the steps and entered the living room.

"There you are, My Tallest!" said Zim, who was waiting there with something in his hand. It was some kind of gun.

"I would like to show you my newest weapon. It is a rabid-beaver launcher. Unfortunately, the flesh-eating squid has escaped and I've run out of them. So I will go after the Dib with this, instead. DOES IT NOT AMAZE YOU!"

"Genius, Zim," said Red, rubbing an eye as he went to sit on the couch.

"Isn't it?" Zim was grinning as he ran his claws over the surface of his launcher. "It's nothing, just something I made late last night. It is quite incredible, though. I-"

"INTRUDER!" called Computer.

Zim whipped around. "Put on your disguise, My Tallest!"

Red scowled at him, but took the ring out of his pocket.

Zim had grabbed his disguise out of his PAK. He slapped it on hurriedly and quickly went over to the door. He opened it slightly.

"DIB! ZIM KNOWS OF YOUR SQUIRELL DISGUISE! YOU CAN NOT PULL THE WOOD OVER THE ALMIGHTY ZIM'S EYES!" Zim yelled out the door.

"So what, Zim! I'm always one step ahead of you-wait, what? 'Wood'?"

"Yes, wood! I confuse you, don't I, foolish, sad little Earth-monkey?"

"Yeah, because your stupid analogies don't make an ounce of sense!"

"MAKE SILENCE, DIB-THING! Everything that I say is completely genius! And what are you doing, trying to infiltrate the base of Zim!"  
"I know that you've been...doing stuff, Zim! You had to have been planning something horrible to enslave Earth while you were suspended! And what the heck was with the paste spread all over my bedroom floor?"

"YOU SHALL NEVER KNOW!"

"Mastah was tryin' to make Dibby-head all sticky!" Gir called from inside. "And ah ates pizza! And ah played games with Ta-"  
Zim lept at Gir, slapping a claw over the robot's mouth. "Silence, Gir! The Dib must not know of out visitor!" he hissed in a panic.

"What? What visitor?" demanded Dib, trying to stick his enormous head inside the front door.

"LEAVE, DIB-MONKEY! LEAVE NOW!"

"You sent for more Irkens, didn't you! YOU MUST HAVE!"

"GET AWAY FROM MY BASE NOW, DIB! NOOOW! ZIM COMMANDS YOU!"

"You can't command me to do anything, Zim! I-AUGH!"

Zim lept at Dib with a yell. "GET AWAY FROM MY BASE, HORRIBLE DIB-MAGGOT!"

Red got up off the couch. "Is that the 'Dib-thing' that you kept babbling about, Zim?"

Zim looked up after delivering a punch to Dib's nose. "Yes, it is, My-um, older brother."

Dib shoved Zim off and got up. "YOU DID SEND FOR MORE IRKENS! I KNEW IT! Who are you?" demanded Dib, looking up at Red in a state of both curiousity and disgust.

"Shut your noise-tube, Dib-worm!" snarled Zim.

"You're almost as loud as Zim," said Red, who was eying Dib with an almost equal expression.

"What did you say, Zim? 'Older brother'?" Dib's glasses-clad eyes narrowed at Red. "What, have you come to help Zim destroy the Earth? Did he need you for some kind of mission or something? And if he's really your brother, Zim, than why is he so much taller than you?" Dib shot at Zim, who glared hard at his enemy.

"He just is, DIB! Now go away and leave me and my perfectly normal human brother alone!"

"I'm not stupid, Zim-"

"You lie, Dib-stink! You are profoundly stupid!" said Zim, giving a smirk.

Red snorted. "You're one to talk, Zim."

"Hey, wait a second, I've heard your voice before!" Dib cried, pointing an accusing finger at Red. "I have before, somewhere! I know I have!" He bit his lip, his face screwing up in thought. "I know..."

Zim gave Dib a hard push, making him fall on the ground again. "For the last time, Earth-slug, LEAVE THE INCREDIBLE BASE OF ZIM!"

"OH MY GOSH!" Dib shouted suddenly. "I remember NOW! YOU SOUND LIKE ONE OF ZIM'S LEADERS! The one that has red eyes! And you look about the same height as they do! YOU'RE ONE OF ZIM'S TALLEST! YOU HAVE TO BE!"

"You're annoying. And short. And how is it possible for a creature's head to be so abnormally large?" remarked Red.

"MY HEAD'S NOT BIG!" Dib glowered at Red. "And only Irkens discriminate by height! You have to one of the Tallest!"

"Uh-huh..." Red looked down at Dib with an expression that was now irritated. "Whatever. Go away, you are extremely annoying." Red gave him a dismissive wave.

"I agree!" snapped Zim. "You tire Zim with your ridiculous human trivialities! Leave now, Dib!"

"FINE! Okay, I will leave!" shouted Dib. "But I'll prove that your so-called 'older brother' is in fact a leader of an alien race! I will expose both of you-"

Zim whipped out his new weapon and fired quickly at Dib. A rabid beaver shot out and attacked the boy's face. Dib screamed and started running wildly around, trying to shake it off. He ran out of Zim's yard.

"Good-bye, Dib!" Zim called, grinning as he waved a claw. He turned back to Red proudly.

"I have successfully gotten rid of the meat-child, My Tallest. He shall trouble you no longer with his accusations. Now, let us go back inside and I can show you the progress I have made on my flame-thrower. You will be impressed, I am sure!" Zim marched back inside.

Red sighed heavily and followed the tiny Irken, who had started talking again. Oh, joy, another stupid pest that would would have to endure on this horrible curse of a planet.

He hated this stupid planet. It wasn't worth anything at all to the Empire. The only way that they would invade it would be if there were absolutely no planets left.

* * *

Zim worked busily at his new weapon that played a roll in his latest attempt for world conquest. He couldn't wait for it to be done. He was eager to complete it and astound his Tallest with how much of a genius he was.

This was one of the best things that had happened as a cause of one of his inventions. It was great that one of his Tallest was here on Earth with him. It was too bad that they couldn't go to Skool together, but it couldn't be helped.

Then again, it kept Tallest Red away from the Dib. That disgusting, interferring human! How dare he show such disrespect to someone so much taller than him!

But humans had a different idea of what made up leaders. They were all such small-minded, stupid creatures. A Heightocrocy was a lot more efficient. And it was common knowledge that the taller the Irken was, the smarter.

With a few exceptions. Zim grinned as he adjusted a few screws. He had to be one of the smartest and most clever Irkens in history.

Perhaps the smartest and most clever.

He made the screw tighter. And tighter. He didn't think to be more careful and remember if he made a wrong adjustment, than his machine could explode.

"I'm here, Zim, you can show me your complete work of genius now." Red reached the lab with a dull expression on his face.

"Oh, good, My Tallest! I just have to-"

Zim tightened it too tightly.

KA-BOOM!

A few minutes later, Zim groaned and shoved a few pieces of the now-combusted machine.

"Zim..." he heard his Tallest snarl.

He turned nervously, grinning sheepishly.

He loved having one of his leaders here, but it did come with consequences.


	6. Hi Skool

A/N: Wow, fastest string of updates from me ever! I guess it's because I wrote out a lot of this before actually typing it. Well, that's good, 'cause ah loves dis! ^-^ To respond from reviews:  
Invader Johnny:

o.O I'm not gonna kill anyone off, 'kay? I like Dibby.

HyperSpooches58:

Thank you sooo much! I thought it was one of the better chapters myself, even if it wasn't all that long.

Ruler of All Sporks:

I know, right? Who doesn't need a rabid-beaver launcher? :) And yes, he is. I'm glad you enjoy it!

UltimateKawaiiGirl:

For reviews one and two, THANK YOUS! X3 Yes, Gir is insanely adorable.

Star Timeblazer:

Yes. Yes he is.

* * *

"So, Mr...Red Irken, is that it?" asked the secretary, peering over her set of glasses at the figure sitting in the chair before her, who huffed impatiently.

"Yes, that's my name," he said, rolling his eyes. "You, and many other people here, all have a serious problem with listening. It's very tiresome."

The secretary had her mouth set in a thin line. Her patience was definitely running low. She was getting pretty sick and tired of this kid. He was sarcastic, rude, and kept acting like she was the one wasting his time.

"And it seems that you left half of the application blank," she continued, trying not to snap at him as she flipped through several slips of paper.

"Yeah, so...?" He raised an eyebrow, his voice still dull.

She sighed and rubbed her temples. "So, I need medical records and other information to submit you as a student."

"You're still not making things clear. May I ask why? They don't really seem to be any of your buisness."

She gritted her teeth. "I need them so I can register you. They're a requirement."

"How 'bout you don't and say you did? All of this is getting very boring, not to mention frustrating. There are a lot of things that I could be doing right now instead of this that wouldn't involve me wanting to fall asleep."

"You know what? I would in a heartbeat, but I can't do that, unfortunately. Just give me the name of your old Skool, I can bring the information up from there." Her right eye twitched slightly.

"Uh..." He shifted his eyes. "Someone is...going to e-mail them here...later?"

She wasn't completely buying it, but she didn't care. She really wanted rid of this kid.

"Fine. But I'm only letting you off the hook because I have a lot of work to do, and you just wasted half an hour of my time. Here's a schedule and a map of the Hi-Skool." She threw some papers at him and turned to the computer screen. "Now get out of my sight before I lose my sanity," she growled, jabbing a finger at the door.

"Gladly!" he snapped back, getting out of the chair and snatching the papers off the ground, glaring at her. He slammed the door behind him after walking out into the hall.

She cringed and started typing.

Four more years until retirement...four more years until retirement...

* * *

At least it keeps me away from both Zim and the SIR for most of the day... thought Red as he glanced down at the schedule. Stupid humans and their trivialities-

AUGH! NO! He sounded like Zim! He shook his head fiercely. That was NOT supposed to happen.

EVER.

If he had looked up, he could have avoided what happened next.

He rammed into one of the humans who was walking quickly down the hall, inspecting a stack of papers. They both went down, hard.

"How dare you!" snarled Red. "Se-" He bit his lip. He wasn't on the Massive, he couldn't order for whoever walked into him to be sent out the air-lock.

He couldn't order anyone to do anything, as he was supposed to be just an average human.

It was horrible.

"I'm sorry, really sorry!" gasped the girl, gathering her papers back up. "I was in a hurry, I wasn't looking where I was going-"  
"That seems obvious," said Red, getting back up and sneering down at her, very annoyed. She was just as ugly as the rest of them, with blonde hair, blue eyes, and lots of freckles dotted across her face. And she was short.

She gathered up the rest of her papers, and picked up the ones that Red had been holding. She held them up to him, and he snatched them from her, being careful not to touch her fingers.

She stood back up. "I haven't seen you before, are you new here?"

"Yes," he said shortly. He started walking away.

"Wait, what's your name?" she called after him.

"Red."

"Just 'Red'?" she asked, cocking her head.

"I didn't ask for your approval." He turned the corner.

"I'm Kristen!"

He didn't answer this time. She looked after him for a moment, then continued on her way. She grinned. He was awfully cute, if a little rude. Akili would love him. She was just that type of girl. And Gemma would relish in the new topic of gossip.

Her two best friends were both in first period with her, English with Ms. Gilker. Yeesh, that woman was so militant. She recalled when Danny had fallen asleep in class the other day...not good.

* * *

It was either this or physical pain... Red thought as he sat at a desk near the back of the class, slumped down and glaring at the teacher at the front. This can't really be worse than being with the SIR and having been force-fed those disgusting waffles again... He remembered yesterday, the ones made out of bits of metal and pine needles. Where did it get those?

He rubbed an eye and yawned. Why did he have to get up so early for this whole Hi-Skool thing?

Apparently, to 'blend in with with the terrible hyoo-man pig-smellies!' in Zim's words.

If only I were back with Purple on the Massive...if only I had unlimited snacks...if only Zim weren't such a moron...if only...

He yawned again and rested his head on the desk. A few minutes wouldn't hurt, the teacher was too wrapped up in her lesson and too busy yelling at the students to pay attention to anything else.

* * *

Zim tapped his fingers on the desk, wishing for the first half of Skool to end. He could try and sneak out of the cafeteria and call his Tallest on his communicator. He huffed. Ms. Bitters was droning on and on about how since Earth drifted closer to the sun every day, they would all eventually burn and perish in horrible fiery deaths.

A piece of balled-up paper hit the side of his head and landed on his desk. He stared at it suspicion before uncrumpling it and reading quickly what was on it.

'I know what you and your so-called brother are, Zim! I WILL expose both of you!'

Zim glared at Dib from across the classroom before scribbling a note back.

'In your pathetic human dreams! My brother and I are so completely normal!'

'You're such a lier, Zim! Just wait, I'll get in your base and prove that you and your 'brother' are aliens!'

'Stupid, sad little Earth-monkey!'

'Space-lizard!'

Zim had an idea. He made sure that Dib wasn't looking, then he quietly took the rock that had hit him on Friday out of his PAK. He scratched 'Filthy, stinking Dib-worm!' on the paper and wrapped the rock up in it. He took careful aim at Dib's enormous head.

"OW!" Dib was knocked out of his chair. Zim burst out into a fit of maniacal laughter.

"You are such a jerk, Zim!" yelled Dib, getting off the floor. "I promise that you will rue the day you ever set foot on this planet, and your ersatz brother will too! I'll do whatever I have to do to prove of your horrible alien ways! I'll have both of your alien guts strewn all over an autopsy table before long!"

"MY BROTHER IS NORMAL!" Zim hollered back. "YOUR WRETCHED DIB-MOUTH SPILLS OUT NOTHING BUT LIIIEEESSS!"

"We'll see, Zim! I'll get evidence! Your so-called brother will detest the worst decision he ever made in his life, setting foot on Earth!"

* * *

"My Tallest, Operation Impending Doom 2 is complete, and the Irken Empire is now in control of the universe!" an advisor annouced ecstatically.

"My Tallest, we have located a planet made entirely of snacks!" another told him excitedly.

"My Tallest, Zim is dead!" called a third.

Red's eyes grew wide, amazed at all the good fortune that had befallen him so quickly.

"Really? Is that entirely possible?" he cried.

"Yes, but unfortunately, you don't posses the ability to take part in our celebrations, because...well, you're still on Earth," said the first one dejectedly.

"What?" The floor of the Massive fell away, making him tumble through blackness, until something hit his head.

"Ow! What was that?" he wondered, looking around.

Another rap was delivered to his head. He blinked.

He was still in first-period English, with a teacher standing over him that looked very angry and was holding a ruler. Snickers went through the class.

"Wha...?" He blinked again, sleepily as he lifted his head off the desk.

"I'd thank you not to fall asleep in my class," she snapped coldly.

"You're not welcome. It was the single most uninteresting thing that I've ever heard in my life," replied Red, sending her a glare. "How dare you assult me with a stupid stick?"

She glowered back. "You should learn to hold your tongue when speaking to authority in such a way."

Red snorted. "Yeah, okay. 'Authority'. Suuure..." Ms. Gilker, the teacher of the class, was rather short.

The silence was deafening. Everyone gaped at Red. No one talked back to Ms. Gilker. EVER. Poor new kid. He was doomed.

"How dare you speak back to a teacher like that?" she hissed.

"You know what? I just dared. And I'll do it as many times as I want. Now go away. I have important things to get back to." He rested his head back on the desk.

A hard thwack was delivered to his head by the means of the ruler Ms. Gilker was holding.

"Detention!" she screeched. "After school! That'll teach you to control your tone!"

"Well, what if I say 'no'...?" he questioned, raising an eyebrow. "I'm sure I'll have other things to do instead of attend some sort of punishment here in this filthy place." He rolled his eyes. "Now, leave me alone. I'm getting rather annoyed by your screams."

Kristen, who was sitting behind him, moaned slightly. Her friend, Akili, was sitting a few desks away from her, shaking with surpressed laughter. Ms. Gilker had a look that was a mixture of shock and repulsion plastered on her face. No student had ever challanged her so greatly before.

"How...how dare you..." she splutterred, her face turning purple with rage. "You insolent little-"  
" 'Little'?" snapped Red, his tone no longer breezy. "You should probably get your eyes checked or something, okay? And if you haven't noticed, I'm pretty much the tallest one in this class." His mouth fell into a smug smirk.

Akili couldn't hold in her giggles anymore. She started laughing.

Ms. Gilker whipped her head towards the girl.

"Detention for both of you contemptuous brats!" she snarled. "And you will stay here an extra half-hour." She turned back towards Red. "You're lucky that you're a new student, or else you would have had it all week."

"Well, aren't I the lucky one, then?" Red dead-panned, as Ms. Gilker marched back to the front. She spun around, giving him another look, her eyes glaring daggers. He only smirked and rolled his eyes in return, his arms folded.

"Shut up and pay attention," she growled. "Now, let's get back to our previous topic that we were studying before we were interrupted..."

Akili tossed a ball of paper at his head, and when he turned with a scowl, she gave him a thumbs-up, beaming. He turned back.

If he could manage to put all these humans in their places, then maybe this Hi-Skool thing wouldn't be as bad.

* * *

Zim stalked over to his usual table, not acknowledging the boy who was following him. Oh, he noticed the big-headed pest all right, but his goal was to ignore the filthy human as long as possible. It was not an easy task in the least.

"You're such a faker, Zim! I KNOW that your fake brother is Irken, and that he might even be one of your Tallest!" Dib poked Zim in the big of the head, hard.

Zim spun around and held up the tray of food in his one of his black-gloved claws, smashing it in the Dib's face.

"Shut your noise-tube, Dib-pig! YOU KNOW NOTHING!"

Dib spluttered as he wiped the ketchup-and-rice dish off his face. Zim smirked.

"Victory for Zim!" he said, jabbing Dib in the forehead with a single finger and knocking him down. He marched off proudly, until a glob of what the cafeteria workers called food hit the back of his head.

"FOOD FIGHT!" screamed a random kid.

Zim cried out and lept under a table as Monday's horrible casserole started flying everywhere.

A few minutes later, the kids settled down as Ms. Bitters came into the lunchroom, having been informed of the food fight.

"Who started this?" she asked quietly, her fingertips touching as she leered down at the fifth-graders.

All fingers pointed at Dib, who was covered in the Skool lunch.

"Wha-? No it wasn't! It was Zim..." he started to protest, as Ms. Bitters slithered up to him.

"Clean it up, Dib. Every last bit of it. And after that, you must write 'Zim is definately not an alien' five-hundred times on every chalkboard in the Skool."

Dib glared horribly at the alien, who was crouched under a table and pretending to shake with fright.

"That awful Dib-thing...attacked my normal boy head with that filthy slop!" he whimpered.

All the students glared at Dib, who had sulkily grabbed a bucket and mop.

Stupid alien-scum.

* * *

"Oh my GOSH, did you witness the incredible event that took place in first period?" Akili cackled to her friends at the lunch-table.

"Yeah, we were there..." Gemma rolled her eyes. "I don't know if he's super-brave, or a complete moron."

"He's awesome, that's what he is. He's perfect. He's tall, adorable, and able to make a total enemy of Ms. Gilker on his first day," replied

Akili.

"He's not the friendly type, that's for sure," spoke up Kristen. "I ran into him before English, literally-"  
"WHAT?" her friends cried.

"Why didn't you tell us?" demanded Gemma.

"I'm telling you now," grinned Kristen. "I was walking to Vander's office to give him the papers that Maronis wanted signed, and I wasn't looking. Neither was he. He looked kind of frustrated or angry about something. We just knocked right into each other."

"Did he seem interested in you?" Gemma asked eagerly.

"Nah, I don't think so. He was pretty ticked, like I had done it on purpose or something."

"He's great. No one's ever stood up to Gilker like that before," said Akili.

"Well, if he keeps doing that, she's gonna find some way to get him expelled or something," snorted Gemma.

"It's kind of weird, it's like he thinks he's royalty or he's completely above everyone else. Whenever someone does something in the slightest to him, he acts like they should go die in a hole or something," said Kristen thoughtfully. "And he seems to like the fact that he's taller than a whole bunch of people here. He really seems to hate anyone taller than him, though. He's really tall, even for a senior. He's, what, like six-five?"

"I guess." Akili snuck a glance at their topic of conversation, who was picking dejectedly at his food, muttering to himself.

"Hey, Kris! Go ask him to sit with us!" Akili said suddenly.

"Wait, what? Why? And why me?"

"You're the one who knocked into him, give him a muffin or something and say 'sorry for running you down, come and sit with us!' " encouraged Akili. "Go on, Kris!"

"He's not going to want to," Kristen said wairily.

"Come ON, Kris!" said Gemma.

"Fine, if it'll make you two feel better." Kristen stood up and snatched the chocolate-chip muffin from her lunch bag.

* * *

"Stupid humans...why are do they get so much taller than normal Irkens?" Red hissed to himself, stabbing the food on his tray fiercely with a fork, pretending that it was both the humans and Zim. "Stupid...ZIM! I'll crush your PAK, then your squeedley-spooch, then I'll rip out your antennae and poke your eyes with them, and then I'll-"

Before he could say something very horrible and violent that can't be put in a K-plus rated fanfic, a cheery voice inturrupted his grumbles.

"Excuse me?"

He stopped stabbing the food, but didn't look up. "What do you want?" he snapped.

"Um, nothing much." A muffin was slid across the table towards him. "I just wanted to sat sorry for knocking you over this morning."

"You should be." He picked up the muffin. He didn't want to accept offerings from the humans, but he was starving. He had never gone so long without eating snacks before. He stuffed it in his mouth.

"Er, well, I just wanted to ask, since you're all by yourself, would you like to come and sit with me and my friends?"

"No," he answered, brushing the crumbs off his hands. "Not in the least. What makes you think that I would want to join you and your pathetic companions?" He finally looked up at her with a sneer. "Besides, you're all pretty short."  
She seemed taken aback. "What does height have to do with it...?"

He snorted. "Way more than you know. A LOT more. Now leave me and don't start talking to me again." He looked down at his tray again and picked up his fork.

She seemed disappointed, and rather confused, but she started walking away.

"Finally..." he muttered. Humans were even more annoying than pesky little service drones.

* * *

"...and so, class, because of all the inevitable fires, tsunamis, earthquakes, and horrendous tornados, the planet will implode in on itself eventually, leaving you all doomed, doomed, doomed, DOOMED..."

Zim tapped a pencil against his desk as he glanced up at the clock once again. Two-fifty-eight. Hurry up... he willed it silently. That terrifying hag was still going on about how everyone would die because of natural diasters. It was depressing, but he rather liked the idea of all humans imploding.

He wanted dearly to be the one to do that to them. Honestly, most of the time, the planet seemed to be begging to be destroyed. Its horrible weather, sun, and the humans themselves. Such disgusting sacks of stink-meat.

He went back to the sketch on the scrap of paper that was lying on his desk. It was of Dib in a tiny cage, suspended over a huge pit of bubbling lava with as many injuries as possible. Zim, the Tallest, and several Irkens were laughing at the boy from the sidelines. Zim smirked. That stupid, bothersome dirt-child. He'd get what was coming to him. Next, he carefully drew robot death-monkeys attacking Dib with an Irken flag sticking out of his back. He tossed his pencil at Dib and held up his drawing.

Dib glared at Zim before rolling his eyes and holding up his own sketch. It was of Zim tied down to an autopsy table, and Dib tearing open his side with some sort of tool and pulling out his insides.

Zim's squeedley-spooch rolled over, but he glared back.

"Stupid Dib-worm!" he hissed.

"Moronic space-menace!" Dib growled back.

"...doom, doom, doom, get out of my sight," ordered Ms. Bitters, pointing at the door as the bell rang.

Zim lept out of his chair and ran for the door with an excited cry. He couldn't wait to get to the Hi-Skool and walk home with his Tallest!

Dib followed him out the door.

"Why so excited, Zim? I know you hate Skool, but you're never usually this happy for it to be over. Is it because you want to greet your 'older brother' after a long day?"

Zim turned with a snarl. "Leave me alone, Dib-stench! Your idiotic voice and gargantuan head annoy Zim to no end!" He pushed Dib away and started heading for the door quickly.

"MY HEAD IS NOT BIG!" Dib yelled after Zim.

Zim grinned and walked down the steps. Ignorent Dib...his head was so very large. He wondered if he should call his Tallest on his communicator before heading over there...he decided he would. He walked for a moment and ducked into an alley. He took off his right black glove and rolled up a pink sleeve slightly. He pressed some buttons and waited.

* * *

Red screamed and ducked again. This was complete torture. He really hated to think of what Purple and everyone else would say if they could see him right now.

This was actually worse than being with Zim's SIR. It was still painful, but was intensely humiliating.

He. Was. ROYALTY. He was a leader of an ultimately powerful Empire. He shouldn't have to suffer through something like this.

But since Zim and his robot were both morons, he had to go through this...this despicable bout of horrendous suffering that the humans called 'Physical Education'.

In his opinion, the only thing that it taught you was that humans were stupid idiots who used brutal ways to entertain themselves.

Four more red balls shot towards his way, and he barely avoided them as he scrambled out of the way. He wanted to retaliate, but it wasn't really what you would call inconspicuous to shoot them all full of lasers.

Irk, he wanted to escape this. Unfortunately, that was impossible, because the doors on either sides of the huge room were locked.

Which was unnerving, actually.

He had time to look down at his watch before he was almost assaulted by more rubber balls that sped towards him at several miles an hour. Seven more minutes until this was over.

DARN IT.

He spotted the bleachers on the side of the room where whoever got hit was banished to until this so-called game was over.

Game. Uh-huh. Humans were also horrible liers.

He started sneaking away, trying to get behind the bleachers. He was able to avoid getting seen, because of all the horrible carnage going on. He was almost there, when he heard his communicator beep.

Seriously, Zim? Red snarled inside his mind, as he quickly ducked behind the bleachers. Could you pick any more of an inopportune moment to bug me?

* * *

The first thing that Zim heard when his Tallest answered him was noise. Lots and lots of it.

"My Tallest? Are you all right?" Zim called.

"Hang up, Zim! Right now! I can't talk to you right now!" Red hissed back.

"What's going on?" Zim questioned.

"Nothing, now just-AUGH!" Something red brushed past the screen.

"Oh, I forgot, My Tallest, Hi-Skool lasts slightly longer than my Skool-day..."

"Yeah! It does! Now hang up before somone finds out I'm back here!"

"Well, would you like me to walk down there and wait for you?"

"NO! Just go home, I'll be there! As your Tallest, I order you to just go home and stop being annoying!"

Zim's face fell. "Are you sure-"

"If you ask me that AGAIN, Zim, I will hurt you so badly when I get back. Do you understand me?"

"Yes, My Tallest..." sighed Zim. "I shall see you when I get back. And, one thing I must tell you, it is supposed to ra-"

The communication line was shut off before Zim could finish. His eyes grew wide with fear. He tried frantically to open it back up, but no answer.

"No! No! My Tallest!" He had to warn his leader of the coming rain-storm that afternoon!

He tried several more times to call his Tallest back, and his efforts were met but naught. Zim moaned and covered his face with his claws.

This was HORRIBLE! His Tallest had no idea how truly dangerous rain was!

Oh, NO!

* * *

"No talking. At all," snapped Ms. Gilker, as she walked back out the door.

"You're talking," Red spoke up, raising an eyebrow.

She turned and gave him another one of her despicable glares before leaving.

"Hey." A sharp poke was delivered to the back of his head. He turned his head angrily.

A girl was sitting behind him, grinning.

"What you did in first period today? That was awesome."  
"What did I do?" He turned back, folding his arms and resting them on top of the desk.

"No one has ever stood up to Gilker like that. They usually back off when she shoots them that death-wish glare of hers. You didn't. I wish that I had the guts to do that."

"Then get some. It wasn't hard," he muttered back, rolling his eyes.

"For anyone else, it would have been," the girl replied. "So, where did you go to Skool before?"

"Uh...it was...someplace else."

"Okaaay...well, did you just move here?"

"I suppose."

"From where?"  
"Ah...um...a place...that's far away."  
"So you're not going to tell me?"

"Catch on quickly, huh?"

She huffed. "I just asked a question. Will you at least tell me your name?"

"Red. Happy?"

"Seriously? That's it? Is it short for anything?"

Why did they all have such a problem with his name? It was rather common on Irk.

"It's short for 'leave me alone or I'll hurt you'. Get it?"

"Yeesh, calm down! Look, I'm Akili. That's all I wanted to say!"

"Then why didn't you just say that?" Red snapped, getting quite annoyed.

"Fine! Forget it! I was just trying to make conversation!"

"And I didn't agree to that in the first place. Now stop talking to me."

"Okay, whatever! See if I care!"

"I don't want to."

She didn't reply this time. Good.

He wanted to escape from this and just get back to Zim's base.

Did I just think that? he thought.

But he was tired, and very hungry. He could eat a bunch of snacks and then fall asleep, and not have to deal with Zim and the SIR.

Snacks...that word was amazing.

He glanced at the door at the back of the classroom. He knew they were on the first floor. Maybe karma wouldn't hate him this time...  
He got up. Akili looked up with narrowed eyes.

"Where are you going?"  
"If I cared enough to tell you, I would have," he replied.

"Fine..." she mumbled, turning with a scowl. "Wait-" She glanced back at him again. "Are you going to try and escape or something? Because Ms. Gilker checks in here every half-hour."

"That's her problem, now isn't it? I'm not going to waste another minute inside this stupid building longer than I have to." He opened the door.

She snorted. "Your funeral."

He stepped outside. The sky was very gray, quite a change from that morning, which had been very bright. It had gotten a lot colder as well, and the wind was blowing rather hard. It looked slightly ominous, but he definitely wasn't going to turn back and head into that horrible building. He started walking.

Something tiny fell from the sky and crashed against the ground. He looked up at the sky, squinting. What was that?

Another one of them fell down, and then another. They came more quickly, and a few fell on top of his head.

"Ow!" They burned! They started falling more quickly.

"Ow! Ouch! What are these things?" As they fell, the tiny drops seemed to pierce his skin.

"I've got to get inside somewhere," he murmered, before crying out again as some more fell down and hit his skin. They burned painfully. He quickened his pace.

There was a huge sort of booming noise, and the drops started falling very fast and hard. The wind whipped around, blowing them around. He started running, trying to ignore the terrible burning sensation that the horrible drops of what seemed like acid caused him. He was grateful that Zim's base wasn't very far.

He also hated himself for thinking that.

But he had to get inside somewhere.

The drops fell even harder this time as another loud crashing sound was heard. He bit his lip, trying not to let his eyes water in pain as he ran. This was absolutely the worst thing that had happened to him on Earth.

Water? Was that what was falling from the sky? He vaguely remembered Zim telling them about water in one of his progress reports, how it burned Irken skin. But he hadn't really paid attention.

He ran on for about five more minutes, gulping and wincing as the water pelted his skin. He finally reached the cul-de-sac.

"Thank Irk," he gasped as he raced towards the front door of the green-and-purple house. He finally made it to the front door. He pounded on it fiercely.

The door opened, and Zim was standing there, a look of extreme panic etched onto his face.

"My Tallest! Oh, I was so worried! I-"  
"Let. Me. Come. In," snarled Red.

"Oh, yes, of course." Zim stepped aside, and Red shuffled inside. He collapsed on the couch panting and rubbing his arms. Zim pulled a towel out of his PAK and held it out to Red, who snatched it.

"I tried to warn you of the rain that was coming this afternoon, but the communication line was cut off. I was quite worried, but I am glad you were able to make it back safely-"

"Don't talk to me, Zim. At all. I'm going to bed. Leave me alone for the rest of the night. I don't care what amazing and brilliant plan you have, I don't want to see it." He tossed the towel on the ground and headed for the steps.

Zim opened his mouth, but closed it again. He went into the kitchen and to the trash can. He was so relieved that his Tallest had come home, but regretted that he didn't find some way to warn him of the rain.

He didn't feel as much of a complete genius that night.

* * *

*Sniff* I feel horrible...not even Red deserved that. Meh... ;o;


	7. Waffles & Candy

A/N: Hai! Thanks to everyone who reviewed and said they enjoyed this story! 24 reviews, ALL POSITIVE! Thank yooooou! To respond to reviews:

UltimateKawaiiGirl:

Thank you! I feel so happy that you told me your favorite parts. :) Here's to not waiting for the next chapter!

HyperSpooches58:

No, he will not realize it at all. Ever. I'm glad you enjoyed.

Invader Johnny:

Yep, Hi-Skool...not fun. Especially in the I.Z. dimension. ;) And, no, he won't change, he still will continue to act like he's royalty. The humans just don't know it. I feel slightly sorry for them.

RandomTwilitDude:

Yeah, poor Red...maybe karma's being a little TOO hard on him. And Purple is totally having fun by himself...the Empire's going to suffer for a few weeks. Horribly.

Review, review, review, whoever reads this! They make me do weird little happy-dances! And you all wouldn't wanna miss that, would you?

* * *

"I'm not getting up..." Red mumbled into the pillow. "Shut up...stupid clock...you can't tell me what to do...I'm a leader of a powerful Empire...shut up..."

But the clock was either being insolent, or an inanimate object. It didn't respond, it just kept beeping. And it had been for the past five minutes. And, instead of turning it off, Red was trying to make it turn off on its own so he wouldn't have to move.

That apparently wasn't going to work.

Red pulled the blankets up over his head, trying to block out the noise. But as he did, something fell to the floor. He tossed them off again and looked down. They were colored markers. He shook his head and got back under the blankets. They managed to block out the beeping somewhat. He sighed in relief and closed his eyes again.

"GOOD MORNIN', TALL-REDSY!" A loud scream was heard from under the bed.

Red screamed almost as loudly. He fell out of bed, still wrapped in the blanets.

"Aw, we're havin' a sleep-over! Ah gots mah favorite pillow and mah piggy!" giggled Gir, poking Red and then pulling the blankets off. The robot was holding his aforementioned rubber piggy and puffy pink pillow. He shoved the pillow under Red's head and thrust the piggy into his arms. He laughed gleefully.

"You look so CUTE, Tall-Redsy!"

Red glared at the robot as he got up, tossing the piggy and pillow away and sitting back down on the bed.

"Thanks. I was just about to fall back alseep."  
"Yous is WELCOME!" sang Gir. "Ah made some pancakies an' baaaacon!"

Red huffed and shut his eyes, rubbing his temples. And the alarm clock was still beeping. Red snarled at it and yanked the cord out of the wall, chucking it as hard as he could at the opposite wall. It broke into many pieces and scattered about the floor. Red smirked. Inferiour clock.

"IT WENT 'SPLODEY!" Gir cried excitedly, and started running around the room. " 'SPLODEY! 'SPLODEY!"

An annoyed scarlet eye twitched. "Shut up. It's six-fourty-five in the morning."

"I understand..." said Gir, standing still immediately.

"Do you really...?"

Gir started giggling again. "Nope!"

Red rolled his eyes. "At least Zim's not-"  
"GIR! GET DOWN HERE AT ONCE, YOU HORRIBLE ROBOT!"

"...up...yet..." Red folded the blankets over his head again. "This day is already ruined terribly...I don't want to go back to that disgusting building again..."

A terrible burning smell came from downstairs.

"Aw, Mastah didn't like me cookin' his machiney-things...but dey was gunna taste good!" said Gir. "Ah was gunna eat 'em like a sammich! With loootsa peanut butter an' syrupy-stuffs! An' SOCKS!"

Red was looking at Gir with a disgusted expression. "Stop talking. I can't handle something that gross this early in the morning."

"-an' ah was gunna put some a' dem pickles in 'em, an' poppy-corn! An' CHEESE! I like cheese, do you like cheese? An' den I'll put some taquitos in 'em! TAQUITOS! And a clown with no head!" Gir was grinning at Red, who looked replused and confused at the same time.

"Um, yeah...sure..." Red reached up to brush back his antennae, but they weren't there. He then realized that he hadn't taken off his ring that provided the hologram.

"Come an' eat da pancakies, Tall-Redsy!" Gir looked up at Red with an expression that was both pleading and ecstatic.

"It's not like I have a choice," he muttered, getting off the bed and following Gir out the door.

"GIR! I MEAN IT! COME DOWN HERE AT ONCE!" came the intensely loud voice from downstairs.

"Ah was talkin' to Tall-Redsy, Mastah!" Gir smiled at Red with his tiny pink toungue sticking out.

"You mean you were pestering the Tallest? Again?" snapped Zim, appearing at the foot of the steps.

"When isn't he, Zim?" Red snapped back at him.

Zim squinted an eye in thought. "I believe that-"

"Shut up, Zim..." sighed Red, heading for the kitchen. A few more weeks of this and he'd forget how to even use sarcasm.

"Gir, stop playing with my machine parts!" Zim hissed to his robot, walking behind Red.

"But didn't dey taste so gooood?" asked Gir, grinning in Zim's face.

Zim shoved Gir away as they approached the kitchen. "NO, they did NOT! They aren't for your consumption! They're for my brilliant evil plans!"

"I had no idea," admitted Gir. He skipped over to the stove and picked up a plate. He threw it on the table and pancakes flew off. One hit Red in the face. He peeled it off, scowling, as they sat down.

"Can ah have dat one?" questioned Gir, poking Red's arm.

"Sure..." Red tossed it at the android, who gobbled it down eagerly.

"Wait, you can have dis one!" Gir smacked a plate down in front of Red. He did the same to Zim.

"There's nothing on them, Gir," remarked Zim, raising a non-existent eyebrow.

"Nooot yeeeet!" Gir grabbed some pancakes off of the stack and slapped some on the two Irkens' plates. He also thumped some bacon down on the plates as well, and they crumbled instantly from the force of the smack. He looked at them, satisfied, before walking over to the fridge and grabbing something out of it. He quickly opened it and drizzled the item in the bottle on top of the pancakes, and pouring it all over the table in the process.

"It's yummy ketchupy-stuffs!" said Gir, starting to shovel the pancakes in his mouth.

Red swallowed and pushed his plate back. "I'm not really hungry-"  
"AAAHHHHHH!"

"I'm not-"  
"WAHHHHHH!

"Those look-"  
"WAAAAHHHHH!"

"They-"

"WAAAHHHH! WAHHH! WAHHH!"

"SHUT UP! I'll eat just one bite! Happy?" yelled Red.

"Oh, uh-huh!" Gir nodded very hard. Zim was taking shakey bites, wincing with each gulp.

Red stabbed the pancake on his plate with the dented fork that Gir had given him and put the bit in his mouth.

"That is...worse than I thought," he choked out after swallowing the chunk.

"Isn' it GOOD!" Gir grabbed the bottle of ketchup and poured another generous amount on Red's pancake.

"Eat some MORE! You'll loves it! You'll loves it GOOD!"

About ten minutes later, the pancakes were finally gone. Gir had also apparently put grapes and paprika in them as well.

"Gir...you stupid robot..." said Zim, his tongue sticking out in disgust. "How dare you feed the Tallest that filth?"

"But dey tasted so yummy!" replied Gir.

"I disagree..." muttered Red. He was afraid that if he spoke any louder, than he would throw up. "Those were absolutely the worst things that I have ever eaten."

"My Tallest, you should probably start walking to the Hi-Skool soon, it's almost-"  
"Do NOT start telling me what I should or shouldn't do, Zim," snapped Red. But he got up from the chair anyway. "And I order you to stay here until it is time for you to leave as well, I don't want you to walk with me this time."

"Oh, no, My Tallest, it's no trouble, I can hurry and get my disguise right now-"  
"Stay. HERE." Red headed for the door.

Zim looked up at him, and then didn't know whether to chuckle or cry out in anger.

"My Tallest, you've got-"  
"Shut up, Zim! Leave me alone for right now!"

"No, My Tallest, I'm afraid that Gir-"  
"Good-bye!" Red went out the door and slammed it behind him.

Zim turned to his minion. "Gir! How dare you do that to the Tallest! I'm NOT buying you colored markers or any more of your stupid childish amusements any longer! You are supposed to show the Tallest respect!"

Gir giggled. "But he looks pretty now!"

"No, he does NOT! I've told you before that you can't do that with your ridiculous art supplies when you drew all of those hideous pictures on the walls down in the labs, and then decorated them with your horrible stickers!"  
"But dey were supposed to make Mastah smile..." Gir's antenna drooped.

"Well, they didn't! It took me forever to scrub off the walls!" he snapped angrily at Gir.

Gir's cyan eyes filled with tears. "I'm sorry, Mastah..." he sniffled, kicking at the floor with one of his tiny metal legs.

Zim bit his lip and then huffed. "Alright, Gir I can see you understand what you did wrong...the walls are clean, at least, just don't do it again..." He sighed as he started walking to the living room. Stupid robot...sometimes he felt guilty for yelling at him like that-

NO! No, he didn't! Invaders felt nothing for others, at all!

They didn't.

* * *

"Red! Hi!" Kristen called from her locker. She waved.

He raised an eyebrow as he slammed his own locker shut. Why was she talking to him?  
"Akili told me about what happened yesterday," she said, walking over to him.

"Uh-huh..."

"Why'd you run off? Gilker's going to kill you."

"She doesn't scare me like she does the rest of you," he said, rolling his eyes. He started walking off.

Kristen suddenly burst out into giggles.

"What's so funny?" he snapped, turning around again.

"You...you've got...do you have a little brother or something that did that to you?" she sniggered.

"Did WHAT? Tell me!" he demanded.

"The...the back of your head...it's all covered in marker scribbles and...and stickers!"

"What are you talking about?" He touched the back of his head. He felt something and pulled it off. It was a smiley-face sticker.

Kristen started laughing harder. "You better...get to...the restroom and wash that off before anyone else sees it..." She handed him a hand-mirror. "You'll be able to get it off properly with this..." She started walking off to her first class. She managed to stifle her snickers.

Red made sure that no one was coming, then he activated his communicater, growling under his breath.

* * *

Zim glanced down at his wrist, which was beeping. He hurriedly pushed up the sleeve of his uniform and pressed a button.

"Greetings, My Tallest! Is there anything-"  
"Zim, you better start controlling that SIR of yours, or I will kill you," snarled Red.

Zim blinked. "What- Oh, you mean what Gir did to your head-"

"YES, that's exactly what I mean!"  
"Yes, I apologize, My Tallest, I will try and-"  
"No, you WILL control it, not TRY! Or I'll dismantle that thing myself!"

Zim saluted. "Of course, My Tallest! Farewell. I must continue to Skool." Zim shut off the communication line.

"HA! I KNEW IT!" yelled a voice.

Zim shrieked and jumped backwards, falling in a puddle from yesterday's storm. He cried out in pain as his skin started smoking. He hurriedly grabbed a towel out of his PAK. After wiping himself quickly, he threw it aside and glared at the source of the voice, who had snickered and was now smirking in triumph.

"I knew that he was one of your Tallest!" crowed Dib. "He IS! And I will prove it to everyone else, you'll see!"  
"Yeah-HUH!" said Zim, in a completely disbelieving voice. "Your stupid Dib-voice both annoys and bores Zim! Leave me now, Dib-worm!" Zim started marching off.

"I have to go to Skool too, Zim," said Dib, the look on his face still surperiour.

"Then take the horrible bus along with the other pig-smellies!" Zim waved his hand in an impatient and dismissive way.

"I can't. I woke up too late today and missed it. So I have to walk."

"Than take another route, DIB! Zim does not care to see your filthy hyoo-man self longer than nessecary!"

"I don't paticularly care to see your horrible green head either, Zim. But this is a good way to make sure that you don't try to contact your Tallest anymore. And so that you won't come up with any horrible plans to destroy the Earth during your walk."

Zim snarled at the boy, before shoving him with as much force as he could muster. Dib was pushed into the street and into a large puddle.

"Good-bye, Dib-stink!" cackled Zim, running off.

"GET BACK HERE, ALIEN-SCUM!" Dib spat dirty water out of his mouth and raced after Zim.

* * *

Red narrowed his eyes at his reflection in the mirror.

"Moronic, stupid THING..." he mumbled to himself. "Why can't I just get a break on this filthy rock? Oh, that's right, the universe hates me. Why did I ever do to it? There's nothing more I could have done to recieve more of that horrible karma...is there? If I was being horrible, I'd be strangling Zim or bugging the heck out of Purple...speaking of him, I wonder how he's handling things on the Massive..." He shuddered. "Maybe I shouldn't think about that. Oh, no..." His eyes widened in horror. "Planet Greent is due to be taken over tomorrow! Oh, Irk...he better try and handle this well...agh..." He buried his face in his hands. "They're dead. Greent was going to be valuable to the Empire..." He sighed. "Maybe he'll handle this well. Maybe I shouldn't put so much doubt in him."

* * *

Red was wrong. So very, very wrong.

"I have to admit, I'm sort of glad that Tallest Red is stuck on Earth. This is the most fun we've had since the Great Assigning!" grinned Nim, a technician.

"It is, but I do think that Tallest Purple should be paying more attention to organizing the Armada for the invasion of Greent-oof!" Tam was knocked over by a pillow.

"Ha! Gotcha!" called Purple. He was having an enormous amount of fun. He had called off all work for the day and everyone was now having a huge pillow-fight. It really kept you on your toes, because some of them were flaming.

Pillows were tossed very hard from all directions. Even the lowest sevice drones were taking part in the great battle. Except for the chief pilot, who was feeling rather dejected because everyone else waas having fun while he had to work. Oddly enough, the ship didn't have an auto-pilot system.

Dif laughed. "Lev, aren't you having fun?"

Lev was biting her lip. "I don't think that this should be going on, there's a lot that needs to be done before we invade Greent."

"Whatever! This is a lot more fun than serving snacks!" Dif threw a pillow at somone randomly.

A transmission signal beeped, but no one cared enough to answer the call.

* * *

Red shut off his communicater, frustrated.

"What could be so important that he can't even answer me?" He leaned against the wall and looked up at the ceiling. He knew that class had started already, but he wasn't going. Especially with what was on the back of his head. He couldn't get it off, he learned yesterday that water was not good. He couldn't wash it off with anything. He had managed to peel off all the stickers, but he didn't know how to get rid of the scribbles.

"If I had a bunch of snacks, I seriously would hide in here for the next few weeks," muttered Red. He had ducked into a janitor's closet not far away from the front entrance to the Hi-Skool. He didn't want to be bothered by that horrible teacher from English again. She was very annoying. And all the classes themselves were utterly boring.

But so was hiding in a closet.

He remembered that he had put a bunch of candy in his locker. He wondered if he could grab some and get back to the closet without being seen.

He slowly opened the door and looked out. He didn't see anyone. He silently walked out and down the hallway to the row of lockers.

He found his and twisted the lock to the right combination. He snatched up the bag of candy and started making his way back to the closet.

"What are you doing here?" snapped a voice.

Red swivled around, dropping the bag on the floor. The vice-principal was standing there, tapping her foot with her eyes narrowed.

"Uh...nothing?"

"Get back to class, before I write you out a detention slip!"

"Ooh, not that," said Red, rolling his eyes as he picked the bag up off the floor. "If I wanted to be in class, I would have been there already. Now go away." He scowled at her.

She sucked in her breath sharply. She grabbed a pad out of her pocket and scribbled on it with a pen. She ripped the paper off and shoved it into one of his hands. She walked off, back to her office.

Red stood there for a moment, nonpulssed, before heading for the closet again. He ripped up the paper and tossed it away before ducking into the small space once again.

Sugar and silence...what a great combination.

* * *

What a waste of time Skool can be... thought Zim, as he sat at his desk while Dib was trying to convice the rest of the class that Zim was an alien. Again.

"...now, don't you all SEE? He's a criminally insane alien! And it's so OBVIOUS! Why do I even have to try and prove it so HARD to you guys! Just look at him! His green skin, no nose or ears, only three fingers, should I go on?" said Dib, eyeing the class.

"It's a SKIN CONDITION, Dib-monkey!" snarled Zim. "I am so very normal, just as much as my fellow disgusting meat-sacks!"

"Yeah, Dib! Zim's just weird and ugly!" called one of the classmates.

"He! Is! An! ALIEN!" shouted Dib. "He gets burned by meat and water!"

"It's an allergy!"

"How on Earth can someone be allergic to WATER, Zim! That's not even possible!"  
"That only proves how stupid and mindless you are, Dib-pig! It is indeed possible!" insisted Zim.

"IT IS NOT!"

"You're crazy, Dib!" called out Zita.

"Very good, Zita. You get an A. Sit down, Dib," snapped Ms. Bitters.

Dib stalked back to his desk, fuming. Zim was smirking.

Inferiour Dib-thing.

* * *

Red was now asleep and snoring, having finished all his candy. He was oblivious to the rest of the world at the moment. Which was incredible, due to all the noise in the hall.

"Red wasn't in class today," commented Akili, as she rifiled through her backpack, looking for a new pencil to use for her Trigonometery class.

"Yeah...kinda weird. I was talking to him before English this morning." Kristen smirked.

"What's so funny?"

"Someone, probably a little brother or sister stuck a bunch of stickers and scribbled all over the back of his head with colored markers."

Akili snorted with laughter. "He deserves it. He was being such a jerk yesterday during detention."

"Yeah, you told me about five times," remarked Kristen.

"The next time Gilker sees him, he will be sooo dead," said Akili. "What the heck was he thinking, running off during detention?"

"He apparently didn't care in the least," replied Kristen. "We should go. Class'll start soon."

"Yeah, in about ten minutes. Why do you strive to show up early for everything?"

Kristen shrugged as she shut her locker. "It's better to be early than late."  
"Only for English..." responded Akili. "Fine. I'll see you later." She started walking off.

"Hey, Kris!" said a voice.

Kristen squeezed her eyes shut. Not now... She turned unwillingly. A boy with messy brown hair was standing there, grinning at her.

"Not now, Brian, okay?" Kristen started hurrying off.

The boy jogged alongside her. "I didn't get a chance to talk to you earlier-"

"Look, I'm sorry, I'm going to be late to class." Kristen was determined not to make eye contact. Brian had had a crush on her since sixth grade, and had been trying to get her to date him ever since then. He was too eager. And never stopped talking.

"Well, you've still got a little bit of time left, right? I know I do. Are you doing anything on Friday? I was wondering-"

"Sorry, I'm swamped. I'm busy this weekend."  
"That's what you say every time!" laughed Brian. "How about you let me know the next time you're free and we'll catch a movie or something?"

"I don't know." She rounded the corner and almost sighed in relief when she spotted the door to her classroom. "I'll talk later, Brian."

"Okay, whatever you want!" he called. "I'll call you-"

She swung open the door. That kid really got on her nerves. If she wanted a boyfriend, it would have to be a guy that was serious, rather quiet, and good-looking.

Like maybe...

She shook her head and grinned. That wasn't happening.

* * *

Red yawned and rubbed his eyes. How nice it was to be left alone for a while, and not having to deal with two certain pests.

He wondered what time it was. Oh, yeah, he had a watch. He looked down at it. It was two-thirty. He had slept for a rather long time.

He tried calling the Massive again. This time, the call went through.

"Finally!" he said, as Purple appeared on the screen, grinning.

"Hey, Red! What's up?"

"What on Irk have you been doing!" hissed Red. "I tried calling earlier, but you didn't answer!"

"Oh, yeah..." Purple chuckled and scratched the back of his head. "Um...a lot was going on."

"Like...?"

"Well...uh, it was an enemy ship that was bothering us," answered Purple.

"You are such a liar," snapped Red. "What were you doing?"

"Um...we were having...a huge pillow-fight...it was fun..." Purple's antennae flattened when he saw the look on Red's face.

"Purple! You're supposed to be preparing the Armada for the invasion tomorrow!"

"Oh, yeah, I forgot about that! Sorry-"

"You should be! Greent could be incredibly valuable to the Empire! Don't you understand how serious a matter this is?"

"Yeah, I get it, I get it!" Purple nodded quickly. "I'll get started on that-"  
"-which is something you should have done this morning! You also have to assign Slacks a new planet, did you forget that one, too?"

"Uh...no...?"

"Come ON, Pur! Am I seriously going to have to remind you of everything that you need to do while I'm not there?"  
"Look, Red, I'm sorry! I was distracted and I just forgot!"

"Well, stop getting distracted! I'm not there to do all the stuff that you never pay attention to!"  
"Okay, I get it! Sheesh! I'll get started on everything! Satisfied?"

"Not completely," Red said coldly. "I'll talk to you some other time." He shut off the signal.

* * *

Zim grinned to himself. He was a genius. While all the other stinking worm-babies were having a fire drill, he snuck off. He was going to walk home with his Tallest today. He was going to wait outside the Hi-Skool for him, and then they could walk home together! He could tell his Tallest of his next amazing plan, since the last one had exploded. It was disappointing, because it had been a very good plan. He had been looking forward to all of the humans burning, along with Earth. Too bad...

This time, instead of making the sun hotter, he was going to freeze it and plunge Earth into a deep-freeze! How absolutely INGENIUS that was!

It was a little harder making a freezing machine, but it would be worth it. All the humans shivering and then perishing from the sheer cold! Even the Dib wouldn't be able to stop him this time. HA! Sad little Earth-monkey!

He approached the Hi-Skool. It was two-fourty-five. He would have to wait another fourty-five minutes.

Or not. A figure was walking down the steps.

"My Tallest! What are you doing out so early?" Zim cried in excitement.

Red gave a startled gasp as he turned quickly. Unfortunately, he tripped when he spun around so fast and came crashing down the steps.

"My Tallest! Are you quite-"

"I'M FINE! Quit asking me that, Zim! And what are you doing here, anyway?"

"Oh, the humans were having a fire drill, and I escaped from that wretched place earlier than usual," answered Zim, looking quite proud. "Why are you out here so early?"

"None of your buisness!" Red got up.

"Oh. Well, we can walk home together, I have the most incredible and evil plan I would like to share with you!" Zim started walking off, beginning to talk quickly and loudly.

And this must be what I get for trying to get out of there early... thought Red as he stomped along the sidewalk behind Zim. When I was on the Massive, I never got punished every single time I did something! Now, anything I do is met with something horrible!

And he still had all that time left...it seemed like it had been a lot longer than just half a week.

One of his eyes twitched. Still...two more...weeks...

* * *

Poor Red-only, not. He should really start learning. But he's still too stubborn. And he always will be. I'd like to give credit to RandomTwilitDude for the pillow-fight idea, btw! G.L.T., signing off.


	8. Friday Night

A/N: Why, hello all yous awesome followers of this story! To respond to reviews:

UltimateKawaiiGirl:  
Yes, Gir is adorbs! Ah loves him!

InvaderEyeball:

Thank you! I'm glad you can, that means that everyone's IC!

Invader Johnny:

Mayhaps she does... X3 And I give you five-hundred-thousand points for the suggestion. I was actually considering something such as that.

HyperSpooches58:

Thank you, thank you! Yes. Yes, it was awesome. Jk, I'm just glad you liked it. ;) And I suppose I am rather evil in some ways...ha. Ha! BWA-HA-HA-HA-HA! Yeah. I'm so happy that y'all like this, in any case!

Ruler of All Sporks:

Yes, it prolly will. Here's your update, Ruler! ;)

* * *

"Ah'm gonna watch it again!" cried Gir, snatching up the remote again. He pressed buttons eagerly.

"You've watched it five times already..." huffed Red, looking up from what he was doing to scowl at the robot. The noise from the TV was getting quite annoying. And he couldn't escape upstairs because Zim had accidentally let loose mutant vermin, and they had all hid in Zim's room, for some reason. Zim was trying to get rid of them, screaming about germs. Apparently they would make things explode, somehow. Red rolled his eyes when thinking of what Zim had been babbling about earlier, the 'disgusting, horrible GERMS! Trying to get at my squeedley-spooch, not my squeedley-spooch you don't! Oh, hear me now, germs! You shall suffer the wrath of ZIM!'

Yeah, okay. The 'wrath of Zim'. The only way that the defect made people suffer was when he was doing everything accidentally.

If only that damage was directed towards enemy planets, than Operation Impending Doom 2 would be just about complete.

"My Tallest! I have managed to rid the room of the horrid vermon!" Zim called, running downstairs.

"Congrats," muttered Red, picking his pen back up. He was sketching a picture of Zim getting eaten by Slautering Rat-People.

If only he didn't need Zim to fix that stupid machine, then he could rid Irk of that menace once and for all.

And he had tried to get rid of the robot already, but it never worked. That thing was about as stupid and lucky as Zim. In a different way.

"It is a good thing that by tomorrow I have two free days to work on my freezing machine," spoke up Zim. "It will take longer to make, but this will be an incredible plan. The Dib, shivering in ice on Earth! He will ever so regret the day he dare to mess with Zim..." He smirked. "You remember all I told you about it, don't you, My Tallest?"

"Yeah, whatever."

"Good." Zim started pacing in front of the TV. Gir started running from side to side, trying to peer around Zim and get a good view of his show.

"I have calculated that it will take about a week and a half more to finish. It also will not interfere with the completion of my teleporter-"

"It better not," growled Red.

"It won't, of course, My Tallest. Would you like to come down and see my progress?

Red gripped the pen so hard, he almost broke it as he looked up to glare at Zim.

"Quit. Asking. Me. That," he snapped through gritted teeth. "I do NOT. I'm...doing stuff." He looked back down at his paper.

"Oh, very well. Just come down when you are ready, My Tallest, I'll be working on my ingenius machine...heh. Ha-ha! HA! BWA-HA-HA-HA-HAAA!" Zim started laughing maniacally as he ran into the kitchen, eager to keep working on his plans.

Red eyed the retreating figure with loathing. He sighed and shook his head, hoping not to get any more annoyed than he already was. It was definitely false hope.

At least I don't have to go back to that wretched place for two days... thought Red. The week had been simply horrendous. Ms. Gilker had made him stay there after all the classes were over every day that week, and had locked the doors. With chains, to ensure that he couldn't escape again. She had also planted video cameras inside the room.

It made absolutely no sense to him why she did all that when she could just stay in the room and watch him.

But if she did that, then there was a good chance that she would get knocked out (or worse), the video cameras smashed, and a laser blasting through the door, creating an escape.

Karma would probably punish him dearly for that one.

And as it turned out, the Armada was supposed to invade Greent next Tuesday. When Red had remembered that and then told Purple, he had gotten his hearing almost damaged from all the yelling. And there were a lot of promises of pain, torture, and snack-concealment when Red were to return to the Massive. He felt slightly sorry for Purple, who had been going crazy trying to do what Red had said. But being stuck on Earth was a lot worse, having to deal with Zim and that SIR. He hated that thing.

Gir started giggling at something. Red cringed. He really had gotten sick of that sound.

"Fishies!" the android called gleefully. "Ah'm gonna make toast!" Gir pulled something out of his head. It was a block of butter atop of a piece of toast. He popped in in his mouth. He suddenly hugged Red's left arm. "I like you."  
"Get OFF! Right now!" Red shook Gir off. Gir banged on the floor.

"Hi, floor! Make me a sammich!" He laughed and hopped up, running back and forth across the room. "Sammich! Sammich! SAMMICH!"

"Shut up! Go make yourself useful and go get me a soda!"

Gir stopped. "Whhhhy?"

Red slowly looked up from his paper. "Because I want one," he said, as if Gir has asked the stupidest question in the universe.

"Ah don' wanna," decided Gir.

Red glared horribly at the robot. No one had ever refused to get him anything to eat or drink, except for table-headed service drone Bob. And that twit certaintly had paid for that little mistake.

"Go get me a soda right now or I'll...steal your piggies...?" He had finally learned some of the SIR's weaknesses.

Gir gasped. "NOT MAH PIGGIES!" He ran into the kitchen as fast as his tiny silver legs could carry him. He came back and held up a can of soda. His eyes glowed red as he saluted.

Red raised a non-existent eyebrow as he took the soda. He hadn't seen Gir do that before. Other SIRs kept their eyes at the normal scarlet hue. Oh, wait...he remembered back to when him and Purple had first created Gir, they had seen the robot's eyes flash red before fading to cyan. And they told Zim it was 'advanced'...he smirked. The only thing 'advanced' about it was its ability to annoy things.

Screams were coming from the lower level. Screams of panic and terror. Zim shot back up into the house level and quickly ran to the front door.

"My Tallest, we have to get outside, the cyborg-zombie-soldiers that my mutant flesh-eating squid created have somehow gotten themselves back in my lab! We have to escape, they're after my delicious guts!"

With another scream, Zim flung open the door and ran out, yelling about how they wanted his blood.

Red blinked at him for a few moments before going back to his drawing. Zim had said weirder and scarier things before. Gir was running around in a circle, screaming because he could.

"My Tallest, they'll eat your flesh if you don't escape in time!" Zim cried, poking his head back in the door. "And they could probably make the base explode! Please come outside!"

"You don't have your disguise on, Zim. Someone's gonna see you," remarked Red, still not looking at him.

Zim's eyes got big before he hurriedly pulled his wig and contacts from his PAK.

A loud crashing sound was heard from below. Zim let out a terrified squeak before running back in and grabbing hold of Red's claw, and then snatching up Gir. He ran back outside.

"Zim! How dare you-"  
"Put on your disguise, My Tallest!" Zim said, staring at the door as he hunkered down, looking as if he expected in to blow off its hinges or something.

Red shot a look of hatred towards Zim before grabbing the ring out of his pocket.

"I told the Computer to triple defences on the door and shoot down the cyborgs," Zim told Red, glancing at him before looking back at the door. "We should be safe out here, My Tallest."

Red was about to snap something sarcastic back at Zim, but he then remembered that the tiny Irken would take it completely seriously.

About three seconds later, the base did indeed explode. Gir watched it in awe, grinning moronically.

"Ah, that takes care of that!" said Zim, standing up. His wig was singed. "Now, it will only take Computer about ten minutes to fix the base-"  
"I WANNA GET TACOS!" shouted Gir, standing on his head. Red wondered when the android had changed into that green doggy suit.

"Gir! Be quiet! Do you want to wake up the whole planet?" hissed Zim.

"I do," admitted Gir.

"And you got tacos just last week, Gir," Zim said impatiently.

"I wanna keep watchin' da Scary Munkey show..." Gir said wistfully.

Zim narrowed his eyes. "That monkey..." he murmered. "You can't, Gir. Computer is still fixing the base."

Gir looked almost thoughtful for a moment, before saying, "Can we invite mah friend the squirell to mah tea-party on da moon with yummy moony-cheese? I wanna make BISCUITS! LET'S MAKE BISCUITS! And let's take Joe along! He's mah pizza-man! He gives me BACON!"

Zim raised an invisible eyebrow. Red looked at the robot in perplexity, blinking once. Zim seemed rather unaffected by Gir's spontaneous outbursts. Red still had yet to get used to them. It was probably due to him trying to ignore them as much as possible, and that was quite a hard task.

Gir suddenly leapt up very quickly and looked desperate about something. "My...my taquitos! They're...my taquitos! Taquitos!" Gir pointed at the destroyed house. "My taquitos, Mastah!" He looked up at Zim imploringly.

Zim looked at Gir, both annoyed and disapproving. "Gir, even if you did have any of that FILTH, then they would have exploded!"

Gir looked crushed. His head dropped. "My taquitos..."

"I only hope that my freezing machine wasn't damaged through that," said Zim. "Or that those HORRIBLE zombies didn't get to them..."

"Anything but that," Red couldn't help muttering.

"Yes, yes, I know, My Tallest," nodded Zim. "This plan will make all humans bow to Zim...and how fortunate that you are here to witness it!" Zim grinned proudly at Red. "Maybe you could promote me when I destroy them!"

Red tried not to snort. "We'll see, Zim."

Zim nodded again, his smile growing wider.

"I know how much you value my skills, and I am quite glad of how you have approved of my plans. I can almost completely guarantee the annihilation of the humans next week! I'm an unstoppable death-machine, you know!"

Red bit his lip hard to keep from laughing. It was incredible, the amount of ignorance that Zim showed he had every time he talked.

Red's communicator beeped. He activated it curiously. Why would Purple be calling him...?

"Red! There's a serious problem going on here!" Purple said urgently as soon as Red got on the line.

"Well, what is it?" snapped Red. "If you haven't noticed, I'm kind of stuck here. I can't do much."

"Yeah, but this is really bad! I need to know how to sort it out!"

"How bad is it?" Red asked uninterestedly.

"Um..." Purple thought. "I don't know...really, really bad? It's horrible, in any case."  
"What happened? And go away, Zim! This isn't any of your buisness!" Zim had been peering over Red's shoulder, trying to see. Gir had been waving.

"It's the worst thing that could possibly happen on the Massive! Or even in the universe!"

Red started to get slighty concerned. "What? Did the power go out or something? Is the chief pilot dead-"

"I'll be chief pilot, My Tallest!" Zim cried in ecstasy.

"See my moose!" Gir added, holding his toy up.

"Shut up, Zim! We ran out of doughnuts, Red! I ate the rest of them last night! THERE AREN'T ANY LEFT! AT ALL!"

Red stared at Purple for a moment before sighing and rubbing his forehead. "Did you check in the other snack-pods? Or just the one closest to the lounge?"

Purple looked thoughtful. "No...I don't think so." He brightened. "Thanks, Red. See ya later." The transmission was cut.

Red shook his head in exasperation. So clueless sometimes...

"So, is the spot for chief pilot still open, My Tallest?" Zim asked hopefully.

Red glared at him. "No, Zim."

"I wanna eat a fish," Gir spoke up decidedly. "An' dip him in mustard!"

"Oh, look, the base has finished regenerating, My Tallest!" Zim remarked as he looked up. "I do hope my amazing freezing machine wasn't harmed!" He marched up the front walk and opened the door. He looked back and opened his mouth.

"Yes, I'm coming in, Zim," Red said dully. "Because it would be great to sleep on the cold, hard ground all night."

Zim looked puzzled and opened his mouth again.

"Don't say a word," warned Red. "Not a word."

"If you wish, My Tallest." Zim continued inside. His Tallest confused him sometimes. Well, rarely. Zim almost never got confused. He was ZIM! Gir hopped up and followed him, humming. Red followed behind them.

"I'm going to make sure that there are no more cyborg-zombies in the lab, then check on my machine," announced Zim, going into the kitchen. "Don't feed the Tallest anything, Gir."

"Yes, Sir!" said Gir, his eyes flashing red as he saluted. He then flopped down on the floor and pulled some crayons and coloring books out of his head. He ate three of the crayons before he started coloring in the pictures.

Why does that robot eat everything? Red wondered silently as he took the ring back off and stuffed it in his pocket. He was slighty disappointed to find out that his sketch and soda were both gone.

Red sat back down on the couch. "Hey, crazy robot."  
Gir looked up, his tongue sticking out happily. "Yeeees, Tall-Redsy?"  
Red scowled at the nickname but said, "Go get me more soda. And some kind of snack. Right now."

Gir ate some more crayons before hopping up and running to the kitchen.

"That was rather simple..." acknowledged Red. Gir usually never did anything without someone promising him something.

Gir hurried back. He held up another can of soda and a waffle.

Red shuddered when he looked at the waffle.

"I'll just take the soda," he said, then instantly realized his mistake. "No, no, I'll eat the waffle! I'll eat it!"

Gir's tears disappered and he smiled, skipping back over to his coloring books. He ate a pink crayon and took a SuckMonkey out of his head. Red tossed the waffle behind the couch.

"NOOOOO!" Zim screamed from downstairs.

Red snickered. "Guess that 'ingenius' plan of his got ruined..."

"Yeeeah, Mastah really loves playin' da screamin' game when his plans go 'splodey," Gir remarked cheerfully, then slurped loudly with his SuckMonkey straw. He then began to cough.

Zim came back up and stomped across the floor, growling.

"Those stupid, horrible ZOMBIE-SOLDIERS destroyed my machine! ZIM'S MACHINE!" yelled Zim. "ZIM'S GLORIOUS MACHINE!"

Red chose this moment to point out, "Zim, how would you get it into space and freeze the sun anyway?"

Zim's mouth dropped open and his eyes went wide. "I...I..." He dropped to his knees.

"NOOOOO!" he cried, pulling on his antennae. "Why must my incredible plans fail ZIM so!"

Red stifled a chuckle. Gir didn't. He laughed and slurped on his SuckMonkey. Zim shot a violent glare at his minion.

"Wanna eats da colors, Mastah?" Gir grinned as he tossed some crayons at Zim. "Taste the rainbow! Ah saws dat on TV."

The crayons bonked off of Zim's head and one of his ruby eyes twitched furiously.

"I'm so sorry to disappoint you, My Tallest," sighed Zim. "I know that you would have enjoyed see all the humans deep-freeze...ah, well. I must formulate another evil plan..." A slight smile appeared on his face as he sat down on the couch. "Hm...maybe...yes...doom...hmm..." Zim's smile got bigger and his eyes got brighter. You could practically see a lightbulb switch on in his brain. "I shall use the SQUIDS! The squids! And they shall...YES! They will suck out the humans' brains! This will be a completely ingenius combanation of my brain-parasite plan AND my mutant-squid plan! YES! VICTORY!" Zim ran back into the kitchen for the third time that night. "ZIM IS A GENIUS!"

"Whoo-hoo!" Gir cheered him on.

Red rolled his eyes. He tossed the now-empty soda can at Gir.

"I'm going to bed, and tell Zim that if he disturbs me he's dead," he said, heading for the staircase.

"Ya wanna make cheese first?" Gir asked, looking up from his coloring books.

"No."

"Okaaaay..." Gir looked over his crayons. He picked up a yellow one. "Dis looks like cheese!" He bit off half of it. He looked back down at his crayons again. He ran into the kitchen.

"MASTAH! AH ATE ALL MAH CRAYONS!"

Red wondered exactly how many incredibly weird sentances he'd heard in the time he'd spent on Earth.

He shook his head. He really didn't want to dwell on it.

* * *

A Friday night on Earth for Red, Zim and Gir! :) This could have been longer, but I thought it was kinda cute. G.L.T. out!


	9. A Discovery

A/N: Hello! Wow, all these awesomely awesome reviews! 12 followers, 7 favorites, and 35 reviews! GAH! AH'M SO HAPPY! AAAAAH! Ahem. To respond to reviews:  
Invader Johnny:  
Well, blowing up the entire Hi-Skool would be kinda...conspicous, wouldn't ya say? But it would indeed make him satisfied.

invadermakayla:

Yes. In many ways.

InsomniaticFrenchToast:

Yes, I use quotes as often as I can! :) And he is probably going slightly insane. But I'm not sure he'll be very unhappy to rid himself of Zim and Gir...

UltimateKawaiiGirl:

Thank you so much! Yes, Gir is cute, and yes, you keep saying that. It's okay, though. It's also insanely true. :3 And I'm glad you thought it was funny! My favorite part was when Gir threw the crayons at Zim. I have no idea why, but I like it in my fics when stuff gets chucked at peoples' heads. Yeah, I'm weird. My mom said, "Hey, that is creepy. You're creepy, (insert my real name here)."

Ruler of All Sporks:  
Yes, he is starting to understand! :) He's finally learned at least one thing on Earth.

xXDark-Rose-MariaXx:

I love the Tallest, too! They're my favs! They're so mean...but I love them, anyway. I'm glad you like and follow this story. :)

* * *

Red's eye twitched, along with one of his antennae. That only happened when he was really ticked at something, which happened to be the case.

"I'm very sorry, My Tallest-"

"Really! I couldn't tell! You've said it five times already!" snapped Red.

"But if I said it that many times, My Tallest, then why didn't you understand me...?"

Red gritted his teeth. "Shut up."

Zim looked very much like he wanted to say something else to his Tallest, but turned instead to the kitchen.

"GIR!"

Zim had assumed that Gir had been in the kitchen, but the robot had apparently been on the ceiling. He crashed down on top of Zim's head.

"AUGH! MY SPINE!"

"HAI, MASTAH!" screamed Gir, pulling on Zim's antennae. Red would have laughed if he hadn't been so irritated.

"Get off my head, Gir!" Zim ordered, standing up and tapping his foot in annoyance.

Gir obediently hopped down and saluted.

"I'm going down to the lab and see if there are any more bits of marshmallow stuck to anything else. Make sure the Dib-stink doesn't come in and take photos of the Tallest. Or something." Zim waved a dismissive hand as he marched into the kitchen.

"Ah loves marshy-mallows!" called Gir.

Zim didn't reply as he flushed himself down the elevator.

Red yawned as he looked out the window, hating the stupid sun and pretty much everything else. Those horrid marshmallows. Zim had planned to suffocate Dib with marshmallow fluff, but had accidentally made the stuff explode all over the base. Zim had also been up very early doing this. Early meaning five-thirty in the morning. It had taken almost fifteen minutes for Red to scrape all the marshmallow off himself. And it didn't help that Gir kept trying to lick him. Zim had apparently been up early so he could finish the rest of his plans that weekend, including the marshmallow one. Which was a total failure, because it had taken Zim three hours to take care of all the mess in the base. Marshmallows were very, very sticky.

They were tasty, too, but not when they were hot and exploding all over the base. Especially not at five-thirty in the morning on a weekend.

Red had also not gotten much sleep anyway the night before, due to Gir being hopped up on sugar. The SIR unit had a reaction to it not unlike Purple did. Except Gir was louder and could fly. He didn't settle down until nearly three in the morning.

Red yawned again and laid down on the couch, hoping to sleep for a bit before Gir woke him up with some of those stupid, random, noisy songs.

"Tall-Redsy!"

It didn't even take two seconds... Red cracked opened an eye to see Gir standing next to the couch, rocking back and forth on his little silver legs.

"I wanna sit on da couch," said Gir, pointing at it with a tiny robot claw.

"Too bad..." mumbled Red, turning away from Gir and facing the wall. He closed his eyes again.

Gir made a melancholy sound as his eyes turned into little v's. His antenna drooped. He loved the couch. But he'd let Tall-Redsy have it right now. He flopped down on the floor instead and grabbed the TV remote. He turned it on and seitched to the Scary Munkey Show. He giggled happily.

He heard Tall-Redsy snore. Gir turned back to look at him and smiled. Aw, he looked so cute!

Gir ran off to his room and pulled a blue blanket off his bed that was about the same color of his cyan eyes. He ran back down to the living room and laid it over Tall-Redsy. He grinned. Maybe he'd like waffles when he woke up!

Gir skipped into the kitchen to mix up a batch of his favorite waffles. He pulled a bowl out of a cabinet and grabbed the waffle mix as well. He ran about the kitchen and gathered all the needed ingredients for the waffles.

The batter for them involved waffle mix, water, three chicken legs, black beans, the rest of his crayons, and a bar of soap. Gir stuck out his tongue cheerfully as he mixed the batter vigerously with a stick that he had pulled out of his head, splattering bits of the mix around the kitchen. He added some cupcake crumbs last and poured the batter into the waffle-maker, grinning excitedly.

He went back into the living room, happy to see that his show was still on the TV. Tall-Redsy had turned away from the wall, still snoring. Gir wanted to hug him, but he didn't want to wake him up just yet. He would when the waffles were all done.

Zim rose back up into the living room from another one of his many secret elevators.

"Fortunately, the marshmallow-fluff didn't destroy any of my more vital plans," he announced. "I must find some other way to get rid of the Dib...Gir, are you making waffles AGAIN? What is that smell?"

Gir put a metal finger to his mouth. "Tall-Redsy's sleepin', Mastah!"

Zim spotted the figure on the couch. "Oh. Very well. Gir, get rid of those waffles. Horrible things happen when you make them. I don't want you feeding them to the Tallest anymore."

Gir looked horrified. "But...he's gonna love 'em! HE'S GONNA LOVE 'EM SO MUCH!"

Zim stole a worried glance at his Tallest, hoping that Gir didn't wake him, but Red did nothing but let out a small mumble and turn back to the wall.

"Did you put anything disgusting in them, Gir?"

Gir's eyes squeezed shut as he thought hard. "Ah puts waffle in 'em!"  
Zim sighed. "Anything else?"

"Nope!"

Zim wasn't entirely convinced, but let the subject drop. "Fine. I'm going to see if I have anything that will either eat or destroy the Dib-worm down in the lab."  
"OKAY!" squealed Gir, waving a good-bye. Zim shot him a warning glance before heading back to the kitchen, this time taking the trash-can.

A timer dinged. Gir hopped up with a shriek and clomped back into the kitchen, making a lot of noise. But Red didn't wake up.

Gir pulled the fully-cooked waffles out of the maker and dropped them on two plates. He carried them back to the living room. He set them down and tapped Tall-Redsy.

"Guess who made WAFFLES, Tall-Redsy!"

Nothing. A very slight frown appeared on Gir's face.

"Dey's is gunna get real cold!"

Still no reaction. Gir remembered something that always woke up Master, no matter what. Gir reached up and tugged hard on one of Red's antennae.

"OW!" Red woke up instantly.

"Aw, good mornin'! Ah made ya some WAFFLES!" Gir snatched a plate and held it up.

Red glared at Gir. "You nearly pulled out my antenna for some stupid waffles?" he growled.

Gir cocked his head, but brightened. "YES!" He put the plate next to Red and picked up another. He grabbed the fork lying on it and swallowed one of the waffles whole. "Yep, dey taste real good!" he nodded.

"Um, I'm not hungry. Can I eat these later?"

Gir stared hard at Red, then at the plate. "Hm..." Gir put down his plate and raised a claw to his face in utter concentration.

"You can eat one of dem nows, then ya gotta eat da rest later!" cried Gir, feeling very clever.

Red stuck his tongue out at the waffles, shaking his head. He hated anything Gir made with a passion. The robot put anything and everything in its recipes. But the choice was either eating one of the stupid waffles or having hearing temporarily lost in both antennae.

He jabbed one of the waffles with a fork before having an idea.

"Hey, look, um, tacos...?"

Gir's mouth dropped open. "WHERE!" He started running around frantically. "TACOS! TACOS!"

Red smirked and tossed his waffles behind the couch. Finally, a way that he didn't have to eat those terrible things.

"They're outside," said Red.

"OOOH!" Gir changed into his doggy suit as fast as he possibly could, then he ran out the door.

"AHM'A GONNA GET ME SOME'A DEM TACOS!"

Red chuckled to himself. "I'm a genius." He reached into his PAK and pulled out a candy bar.

Zim ran back through the living room, cackling madly.

"My Tallest! I have found a way to rid myself of the Dib-human! I will smash all the pairs of glasses he posses, so that he may never see again! And then, tying him up and dropping him in the City Cesspool shall be easy! I must go!"

Zim put on his disguise hurriedly and went out the door, yelling about victory that was surely to come and how the Dib would suffer.

Red shook his head and ate the rest of his candy bar. He wondered what there was to do now. He didn't have to worry about those two stupid idiots for a little while, at least.

He decided that he'd call Purple and make sure that nothing was happening. Which was a small possiblity, but it didn't hurt to hope.

* * *

"Should we hold this call?" asked a technician. "The Tallest is still sleeping."

"It's from Earth, meaning it's from Tallest Red. This could be important," said another.

The first one nodded. "Someone should go wake him up."

But no one moved. There was a very good chance that if one of them were to wake their Tallest, it would result in terrible punishment. They glanced at each other nervously.

"Let's send a service drone to do it," decided a third. The rest nodded.

"Hey, uh, erm, Lee!" called the first one.

A service drone looked up and walked over.

"What is it?" he asked.

"There's a call from Earth, and Tallest Purple's still sleeping. Go wake him up."  
Lee looked terrified. "Wh-why m-me?"

"Because we all agreed that you are the best one to do it," replied the technician. There were murmers of agreement.

"You guys can't tell me what to do..."

"Oh, yes we can. We're technicians for the Massive, you're a lowly service drone. And we're all taller than you."

Lee gulped. "But..."

"Get on with it!" The technician shoved him away.

Lee hung his head and started trudging. He had always been a pushover, and he was very short. He didn't have any choice but to listen to his Tallers.

But...he still didn't want to get sucked out into space!

Lee whimpered as he approached the Tallest's royal chambers. He tried not to start sobbing. He raised a shaking claw and knocked on the door. He instantly winced.

But no sound came from the beyond the door except for soft snoring. He knocked again, louder this time, but there weren't any grumbles telling whoever it was to shut up and go away.  
Lee turned and started down the corridor, breathing a sigh of relief. He had tried, and that should have been good enough.

"Hey!" said an annoyed voice.

Lee turned around and sucked in his breath sharply. A few of the technicians were standing there, obviously making sure that Lee finished his task.

"Get back there!" ordered one.

"But I tried," whined Lee.

"Not hard enough. We can't keep Tallest Red waiting forever, and you'd be in terrible trouble if they found out you did that," said the second one.

Lee did let out a sob this time, and shuffled back down the corridor. He cleared his throat and rapped on the door hard this time. He squeezed his eyes shut, hoping that if he didn't do it this time than the technicians would. Or they would get an advisor to do it.

"What do you want?" A sleepy, irritated voice came from the room.

"Er, um..." Lee cleared his throat again and blinked nervously. "I...uh..."

"Spit it out, or go away," snapped the voice.

Lee looked back to see if the technicians were gone, but there were still there.

"There's...My Tallest, there's a call from Tallest Red on Earth...you...might want to answer it," stuttered Lee.

"Tell him I'm busy and that he's a moron for waking me up so early."

"Are you sure?"

"Of course I'm sure! Don't question your Tallest! Who are you, anyway?"

Lee let out a squeak and wiped his forehead, which was shining from the perspiration.

"I...I...my name's Lee, My Tallest..."

"What status are you?"

"I'm...a...a...service drone..."  
"Oh, yeah? Not anymore. You're so fired for waking me up. Tell someone you're to go to one of the prison cells. Now shut up and go away."

Lee started crying as he almost crawled back to the technicians.

"Well?" The first one raised an invisible eyebrow.

"He said...to tell Tallest Red...that he's moron for waking Tallest Purple up...and that I'm fired..." sobbed poor Lee.

"Kinda figured." The second one grabbed Lee's antennae and pulled him along back to the control room so that the guards could take him away.

* * *

"Finally!" snarled Red, glaring at the technician who had answered the call. "Where's Purple this time? Is he playing with his favorite yo-yo while he's supposedly fighting off an attacking ship?"

"No, My Tallest, he's still sleeping, he said to tell you to call back later and that you're a moron for waking him up," answered the technician.

Red's eyes widened. "How DARE you speak to your Tallest like that!"

The technician gulped as his antennae flattened, realizing his mistake. "Oh, no, My Tallest, never, I was only passing along the message-"

"You're demoted to a table-headed service drone. Effective immediately. And tell Purple to call me back this second."

The technician saluted, dejected, and the transmission was cut.

"How ironic was THAT, Kig?" smirked another technician. Kig had been the one that told Lee to go wake up Purple.

Kig glared as several Irkens started to snicker.

* * *

Red scowled at the now-dark screen. Insolent, stupid twits. And Purple was so lazy. If only he had gotten stuck on Earth instead of ME, thought Red. I'd be able to handle the invasion of Greent way better than him.

His antennae perked up as he heard the front door open again, then a loud shout.

"TALL-REDSY! AH FOUND DA TACOS!"

Red rolled his eyes. He hoped that Gir wouldn't go looking for him.

"Incoming transmission!" called the house computer.

Red narrowed his eyes. "Good." He tapped a few buttons and waited.

* * *

Purple rubbed one of his lavender eyes as the screen crackled and then became clear.

"What is it, Red?" he asked with a yawn.

"It's not that early, Purple! Why couldn't you get up and just answer me!"  
"I was still sleeping. You know I always sleep in until ten on Sundays," responded Purple, his tone very annoyed.

"Oh, so you're the one getting annoyed! I'm the one who waited for, like, ten minutes for you to get off your rear and take this call!"

Purple huffed. "What do you want, anyway?"

"I just wanted to make sure that you didn't miss anything important in the past few days," snapped Red.

"It's fine, quit worrying! I'm not that irresponsible, you know."

One of Red's eyes twitched. "Sure. Sure, you're not. I haven't heard anything more stupid in my life."

"Hey! I've been taking care of everything! If all you did was call to nag me, then you're really being a jerk. I was-"  
"You were sleeping! And had to get up and answer a call from your co-Tallest! What hardship! You know what happened to me this morning? I was woke up at five-thirty A.M. by burning-hot marshmallow-fluff exploding through the house that almost suffocated me!"

Purple started laughing.

"SHUT UP! I NEARLY DIED!"

This did nothing but make Purple laugh harder.

"You...you...got suffocated by...marshmallows...?" he choked out.

"YES! And it was intensely painful!" Red snarled at Purple, who was definintely not showing any concern in the least.

Purple's chuckles dwindled after a moment. "Okay...sorry..."

"You should be. Look, did you take care of everything important since I last called?"  
"Yes! I made sure! Will you just forget about it?"

Red's face was now showing pure exasperation and annoyance.

"Fine. I'm going to call back tomorrow, and if you make up some stupid excuse about not answering me-"  
"Yeah? What're you gonna do, Mr. I'm-stuck on-Earth?"

"Just don't put off my calls!" shouted Red.

Purple smirked. "Whatever you say, Red." The transmission got cut.

Red growled at the screen. Idiot...jerk...

"TALL-REDSY! AH WANT TA SHOW YOUS SOMETHIN'!" Gir yelled from upstairs. "IF YA DON' SEE IT AH'LL 'ESPLODE!"

Red huffed and got up off the chair. He should've known that the SIR would've come after him sooner or later.

Gir was waiting for him eagerly in the kitchen.

"Dis is Minimoose!" he announced, pointing at a floating...something. It was purple, and did loook very much like a moose.

"Squeak!" it said.

"He says 'HAI'!" explained Gir. "An' we're gonna go eats poppy-corn on da couch and watch TV 'till Mastah gets home from playin' with Dibby!"

"Um, very nice..." Red eyed the very weird-looking floating object. At least it didn't talk as much as Gir.

"Common, Minimoose!" Gir ran into the living room. The moose-thing squeaked a few times in reply as it followed him.

Odd... Red shook his head. It wasn't any weirder than everything that had happened to him so far.

Almost dying because of burning-hot marshmallow fluff...that pretty much topped the list.

The door was flung open and Zim trudged in, nearly covered in cuts and bruises and his skin smoking slightly. The look on his face was one of both pure fury and pain.

"I HATE that DIB...how I HATE him..." he snarled, as he flopped down on the couch.

"Plans not go well, Zim?" Red questioned, coming into the room with a smirk.

Zim looked up. "Unfortunately not, My Tallest. That horrible Dib-pig assulted Zim with water balloons...and a wretched cat-beast attacked me on the way home...I will have to find another way to destroy the Dib's glasses."  
"Eat 'em with cheese!" suggested Gir. "And mud!"

"Squeak!" agreed Minimoose.

Zim stole a look at Gir and Minimoose before sighing and leaning back on the couch. He tapped his fingers together thoughtfully.

"I will need to find a better way of sneaking into that hyoo-man's house...instead of walking through the front door. And also, the Dib-sister-worm attacked me as well, with a can of soda. How it burned the skin of Zim..." Zim shuddered.

"I think I will go and work on my squid plan for a while. Gir, don't let anyone in the house. My Tallest-"  
"Don't say what you're about to say, Zim. I will hurt you badly," threatened Red.

Zim clamped his mouth shut as he walked into the kitchen.

"Ya wanna eats pizza, Tall-Redsy?"

"No." Red sat on the couch moodily. "I want curly fries and to be back on the Massive, but that's not happening. I also want to be planning out the destruction of the Greentians with Purple, but I can't. I'm stuck on this ball of dirt filled with creatures who seem to be made up of nothing but ultimate stupidity."

"I know what you mean," Gir responded sympathetically.

"No you don't," snapped Red, inclined to be very impatient with the robot at the moment. "No one does, not even Purple. He's too busy wasting an enormous amount of time and having fun while I'm suffering here with ZIM. And I think even I'm going crazy..."

"Ah like crazy!" spoke up Gir. "Don' you, Minimoose?"

"Squeak-squeak!"

"I'm so bored..." grumbled Red, glaring at the TV as if it had offended him. "I wanna...I don't know, blow something up or something. We could've hunted down one of the Resisty's ships and destroy them...who am I talking to?" he wondered. "I am going crazy!"

"Ya wanna color?" offered Gir. "Ah only gots da white crayon left, ah ate da rest."

"No..."

"We can eats flamin' corn and play with cows!"

Red blinked. "...I didn't hear that."

Gir suddenly hopped off the couch and pulled out his doggy suit (from where?).

"Ah'm gonna gets me some chocolate-bubble-gum! Ya wants some, Minimoose?"

"Squeak!"

"Okay!" Gir skipped out the door, humming cheerfully.

I could not get any more depressed or dreadfully bored... thought Red, looking at the open door. I'm not tired, I don't want to draw, there's no reason to talk to Purple anymore today...

"AAAAAAHHHHH!" came a terrified scream from downstairs.

"Let me guess, were the squids eating you, Zim?" dead-panned Red, glancing at the Irken who had come up in an elevator, gasping and shaking.

"Y-yes...they were...trying to...My Tallest..." stuttered Zim. "And...I barely managed to rid myself of them...but the almighty ZIM always prevails! But unfortunately, that plan just turned to dookie...I must find some other way to cripple the HUMANS! Er, where did Gir go, My Tallest?"

"How on Irk should I know?"

Zim stalked over to the door. "He left the door open AGAIN! That stupid robot!" Zim slammed it shut.

A horrible sort of sucking noise came from the kitchen. Zim swivled around, a look of horror plastered on his face.

The brain-eating squids had escaped from the lab.

Chaos ensued very quickly, and lasted for quite a while.

* * *

Red was still slightly shaky from yesterday's events, almost dying twice in one day. He really hated having to go to Hi-Skool the next day.

And he was ready to strangle the stupid girl who kept trying to talk to him.

He tried very hard to act like the noise was too much for him to hear her, but she just wouldn't give up!

"Red?" she called for the fifth time.

He finally spun around. "What do you want!" he snarled.

She blinked, but said, "I never did ask you for your phone number," she said, twirling a finger around a lock of hair.

"Well, how about that." He turned away from her and started walking again.

She grinned, jogging to keep up with him. "Aren't you going to give it to me?"  
He gritted his teeth, trying not to lose his temper and not caring if he bumped into anyone. "No," he growled, not turning to look at her this time.

"Why not...? I was thinking, well, maybe..." Kristen blushed and bit her lip.

"Leave me alone. I have places to be." He rounded the corner, but Kristen was still following him.

"Wait, Red! Come on! I want to ask you something!" she pleaded.

"Then ask it! What are you waiting for?"

"For you to turn around and look at me!"

"Well, I already did that, you missed your chance."

"Please." She grabbed hold of his shoulder.

He spun around, slapping her hand away, and looking at her with deep disgust.

"Leave. Me. Alone." He turned and stalked away again.

Kristen sighed, staring after his retreating figure.

He acted like he was so much better than everyone else, but she still really was starting to like him. A lot.

Maybe she could...find out where he lived. And then finally work up the strength to ask him out at his house, instead of at the Hi-Skool. He wouldn't be able to run away again.

She shivered at the thought. Was she really going to do that?

But it would be great to make Brian lose hope. She needed a boyfriend. She was seventeen! Gemma already had Brandon, and loved being with him. Akili frankly didn't care. But Kristen did. She hadn't really realized it that much before.

She was going to find the courage. That afternoon.

* * *

Red wanted very, very much to smash in the face of the teacher in front, but he didn't want to serve another round of what the humans called 'detention'.

The teacher, Mr. Meldas, was insanely and very creepily happy. And it made him sick to his squeedley-spooch.

"...and that's what makes up the last few elements of the Periodic Table! Isn't that just great!" called Mr. Meldas.

The room was silent.

Red looked down at his watch for the twentieth time. Lunch was going to be in about a minute. He tried hard to tune out the cheerful voice that was making his hidden antennae numb. It was like Gir, but not full of random shouts that involved piggies, cheese, or monkeys.

It was just more annoying than anything else in the entire universe.

Except for maybe one certain Irken...

Salvation. The bell rang out, and Red jumped out of his chair as quickly as possible and ran to the door, shoving anyone in front of him out of the way. He managed to get to the door first.

He started to the cafeteria, feeling quite surperior and smirking. Inferior human filth-

No, no, that's what Zim would say! He was NOT going to think things like that!

* * *

Zim grinned as he watched Dib carry his tray to his usual seat, next to his sister. The boy sat down, but jumped up again as he cried out in pain.

"Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-HA! Fear the mighty power of my vengance at the incredible hands of ZIM, Dib-stench!"

"YOU BETTER NOT HAVE PUT ANY BALONEY IN THIS TACK, ZIM!" yelled Dib, holding up the tiny pointy object.

"Maybe I did and maybe I didn't, stink-meat!" Zim called back gleefully. He hadn't, but it was very funny to see Dib worry. Chuckling, he looked down at his food again, picking it to pieces with a fork, to appear normal, of course.

A muffin hit his head in the next moment, and he looked up again, snarling. He snatched up the muffin.

"If you dare soil my normal-boy head with a muffin again, Dib, ZIM SHALL MAKE YOU SUFFER!" roared Zim, jumping up on the table and pointing at Dib dramatically in dire accusation. He chucked the muffin as hard as he could back at Dib.

He missed and hit Gaz instead, and the muffin dropped down onto her GameSlave 2 screen. She quickly tossed it away, at first unaffected, but then the system bleeped out two words that Gaz absolutely hated to hear, and the people that caused them payed dearly for it.

Game over, it said.

Gaz's eyes opened as she looked up slowly, and you could practically see the firey rage around her and in her eyes as she glared fiercely at Zim, who's eyes got wider as well. That look was scary.

Dib snickered as Gaz got up from the table. He sometimes appreciated his sister's skill to scare other people out of their wits. More specifically a certain alien.

* * *

Could you really call this 'food'? Did even humans actually eat this stuff? Red wondered silently, poking at an unidentifiable blob on his tray with a fork.

It actually growled...and swallowed up the fork.

Red gulped and pushed the tray away with a finger, eyeing it wairily.

This was so stupid. It was moments like this that he barely kept himself from destroying Zim for even inventing that terrible machine. He had even asked Zim what he was going to use it for in the first place, and there was no real answer.

That made him even angrier. If he didn't need to get back to the Massive...Zim would have been dead a while ago. Truthfully, Red wasn't exactly mechanically smart, or he might've fixed it himself.

He was honestly pretty lazy as well.

He was also very hungry at the moment...he would've given Zim's SIR a hug for some real Irken snacks right now.

He wasn't going to pick apart the so-called food on his tray anymore to appear 'normal', no matter how 'intensely vital' it was to 'fool the disgusting Earth-smellies'. He stood up, picking up the tray, and started back across the cafeteria, watching the food so that it wouldn't try to eat his fingers off or something.

He didn't notice anyone coming towards him, just like on his first day. He really had to start looking where he was going.

BANG! He collided with someone, and whoever it was didn't get knocked over, but he was now wearing the lunch on Red's tray. Red was knocked over, however, landing on the floor hard. He pushed himself back up and looked at the other figure.

It was someone even taller than him, by about two inches. He was sputtering angrily as he scraped the food off his face, glaring hard at Red.

The caferteria was silenced, except for some murmers. Kristen, Akili, and Gemma sent each other worried glances from across the huge room. He must have been having terrribly bad luck to run into the meanest guy in the whole Hi-Skool, Dominick. He made a hobby out of bullying the more wimpy or nerdy types, and anyone who made him mad got their face badly scarred, sometimes for life.

And Red had just smashed a tray of food in his face.

Too bad he's so good-looking... thought Kristen, looking forlornly at Red.

"You...are...dead...new kid..." snarled Dominick, leaning over Red with almost an aura of menace.

Red raised an eyebrow as he stood up again. "I'm alive, actually, if you haven't noticed. And that's NOT my name. And trust me, the food's a good look for you, it covers that mess you call a face." Red tried to brush past him, but Dominick grabbed the front of his shirt and slammed him against the wall.

"Get ready for YOUR stupid face to be permanently MESSED!" He raised a fist, but Red didn't even blink as he suddenly grabbed hold of his arm.

"You don't have any idea who you're dealing with, human," he hissed, his eyes narrowed to slits.

Red twisted Dominick's arm around and behind the boy's head painfully, and used his free hand to punch him directly in the nose as he let go, sending him backwards. Dominick landed on the floor face-down. Red kicked his side as hard as he could, making him right-side-up again.

"It's not my face getting permanetly messed, is it?" Red smirked as he lifted a foot, stomping hard on Dominick's face, and now making his nose a bloody and broken mess. He leaned down.

"Try and pick on someone other than an Almightly Tallest next time," he muttered to Dominick, who was moaning slightly.

"What...?"

"Yeah, that's what I thought. Oh, here, you missed some of this-" Red picked the tray up off the floor, and dumped the last bits of food on top of him, then dropping the metal tray on his face as he straightened up.

A few whistles and cheers rang out from the room.

"That...was...awesome," spoke up Akili, her mouth half-open in shock, awe, and glee.

"Yeah..." agreed Gemma, grinning.

Kristen slowly nodded. That was it, she was totally going to ask him out now. He was definitely one of the most incredible guys she had ever seen. He took crap from absolutely no one. She wondered breifly if he took self-defense classes; he seemed to know what he was doing.

* * *

Finally, Hi-Skool day over! Kristen slammed her locker shut. She made sure not to miss Red. She debated if whether what she was about to do would qualify as 'stalking'.

She dismissed the thought as she slung her backpack over her shoulder. She looked around and through the croud of students-

Ah, there he was! He was starting down the front steps. He stopped and looked around, seeming to look for something. He stopped a few moments later and looked relieved as he walked down the steps.

She followed him, making sure not to lose him through the croud. She made it to the doors.

She spotted him again, walking down the sidewalk. She walked behind him, a rather far distance away.

Someone came running towards Red, calling something. She listened hard. And no, she wasn't eavesdropping, either, just so you know!

"My Tallest! There you are! I was looking for you!"

She saw Red shut his eyes and rub his temples with his teeth gritted before he replied.

"Zim, I told you, I don't want you to walk hime with me! And what on Irk happened to your face?"

It was a boy, who looked a lot younger than Red, maybe nine or ten. And...his skin was green...that was weird. Maybe he had a disease or something?

And what did 'My Tallest' and 'Irk' mean?

"Oh, er...the Dib-sister went after me because I delayed one of her human amusements," the boy said dismissively.

'Human amusements'?

The boy started talking very quickly and rather loudly as they started walking. It was hard to follow, especially from a distance. Red was right next to him, and didn't seem to be trying to follow it either. He looked very irritated, staring straight ahead, one of his eyes twitching every now and then. The boy (didn't Red call him 'Zim'?) seemed to annoy Red profusely.

I didn't know he had a little brother, thought Kristen. They look almost nothing alike, not really at all.

Zim kept going on about something called a 'Dib' and how he was going to make him pay for something (Kristen thought it was about a muffin, but she wasn't sure). He kept jabbering on without stopping for almost ten minutes, and Red looked like he wanted to knock himself out. He finally spoke up.

"Zim, if you value your existence, you will shut up before I make you, permanently."

Jeez, harsh, thought Kristen. The kid wasn't old, cut him some slack. Red apparently had patience for no one, not even his little brother.

They reached a cul-de-sac a few minutes later. Zim had kept silent, but he looked like he was going to burst because of it. The pair headed for a house in the middle of the circle, and it was quite frankly the most terrifying thing that Kristen had ever seen.

It was colored in particular shades of green and purple, the shape skinny and tall, with irregularly-shaped windows on it. It was surrounded by a fence that looked like it was about to fall down, and several lawn gnomes with blank, staring eyes. Some plastic animals were placed here and there, and last but not least, a large white sign that read, 'I (heart) Earth'.

Kristen gaped up at it for almost two minutes, before blinking and shaking her head. She walked up to the front door. She heard a noise from inside. It sounded like a squeal. Kristen peered through the window.

NO, she was NOT spying!

There was a flash of something green, and the boy named Zim growling angrily at something. Kristen pressed her ear against the window.

"How many times must I TELL you, Gir, the Tallest does not want your ridiculous hugs!"

Did Zim call his older brother 'Tallest'? Maybe that was some kind of nickname.

What was a 'Gir'?

"But ah LOVES givin' him hugs!" protested a shrill voice.

"Well, I don't love it, okay?" snapped Red, who was scowling at something. It was bright green, and looked like a dog.

"Can ah make yous waffles? You'll reeeeally loves THEM!"

"NO! No more waffles, Gir! You made Zim eat dozens of those things all last week!" Zim was grabbing at his black hair, which was oddly fashioned in a rather Elvis-esque style. He pulled at it...and it turned out to be a wig.

Two black antennae were sprouting from his head.

Kristen's eyes went wide. She covered her mouth with a shaking hand. But that wasn't it. Zim felt his eyes, and...they turned out to be contacts. He took them off, and his eyes turned out to be flat and a pinkish-ruby color all over.

He...he looked like some kind of ALIEN!

Red got a disgusted look on his face. "I do NOT want any more of those horrible things you pass off as waffles." He pulled off the ruby ring that he always wore. Kristen almost felt her jaw scrape the ground as it dropped faster than it ever had in her life. She let out a terrified squeak.

Red's features wavered, then they disappeared into something else.

His head and arms turned green, the same color as the little alien. He also had antennae and flat eyes, but his eyes were a rather light scarlet color in contrast to the pink-ruby color. His normal clothes were replaced by what looked like silver armor and a long red robe. His arms were skinny and had more armor at the ends, and slender green claws.

Kristen choked back a scream as she stumbled back slightly, utterly horror-struck. She hoped with everything in her that they hadn't seen her looking in. She also hoped she wouldn't throw up.

She...had a crush...on an ALIEN. A disgusting, green, alien monster.

Of all the guys to fall for, it had to be someone who wasn't even from the planet.

She heard light footsteps behind her. She spun around.

"I wasn't spying, I didn't see anything!" she spluttered, looking down at a boy with glasses, a trenchcoat, pointy black hair, and a seriously huge head. He was carrying a spy camera.

He eyed her critically.

"You're a terrible liar, do you know that? And how did you get past the gnomes? And why are you spying on Zim and his leader? Did you guess they were aliens?" he demanded, his voice ecstatic.

Kristen blinked, trying to rid herself of the previous shock. "I...I...uh...no...I was following Red...to his house and I...happened to look in the window..."

" 'Red'? Is that the name of the taller one?"

She nodded slowly.

The boy grinned widely. "This comfirms it. Did he have red eyes, long antennae, and is close to seven feet tall?"

Kristen gave another small nod. The boy was smirking in a surperior manner as he folded his arms across his chest. "I knew it. Did you see Zim, too? Without his disguise?"

She cleared her throat. "Uh...yeah..."

He looked very excited. "This is GREAT! Maybe I'll finally have someone to team up with who has no choice but to face facts and believe me!"  
He pushed his glasses farther up on the bridge of his nose before extending a hand.

"Name's Dib Membrane."

* * *

GAH! I loved how this turned out! I hope you did too! Can you believe it, I've actually decided to write a sequel to this, called 'Closer to the Ground'. I have some details in my profile. G.L.T., signing off.


	10. Alien Hunting! Alien Hunting!

A/N: Gosh, I just feel so LOVED with all the reviews and such! Squee! To respond to reviews:

UltimateKawaiiGirl:

Thank you so much! :) The whole marshmallow-fluff thing was so fun to write about. I'm glad you thought it was funny.

invadermakayla:

Thank you!

Invader Johnny:

IS she smart enough? Well, now let's just see about that...

Guest:

Yeah, it would make an interesting tombstone, now that I think about it...

A Scribbler:

Yeah, sometimes I feel bad for making all that stuff happen to him...or maybe not...mwa-ha-ha. And yeah, I kind of want to finish this story so I can write the sequel...'twill be one of EPIC proportions.

Well, you guys seriously rock for all the reviews. I really wouldn't have continued this at all if it weren't for you guys. And is it sad that I named this chapter after a Spongebob quote? Hm...

* * *

Okay... thought Kristen. I just found out that the boy I was pretty much in love with was a freaky green alien, and I'm somehow following a fifth-grader to his house.

When did I become insane? Am I dreaming? Okay, I'll wake up and Red will be normal and I can ask him out.

Kristen pinched herself, hard. She winced. No, she was awake.

"So, there's kind of a lot I can tell you," said Dib, the boy who had introduced himself and wanted her to come to his house, so he could explain all about Zim and Red. She had agreed, still in shock and wanting to know exactly what the heck was going on in the first place.

"Not everyone realizes that Zim is actually an alien, but his skin is green, he has no nose, ears, and only three fingers, and he only refers to humans as completely inferior. And apparently no one found out about...what was his name? Red? Yeah. But his disguise was a lot more convincing. But he also keeps discriminating by height, and that's a definite trait of the alien race he's from. And anyone who studies and watches that stuff obsessively every day would realize things like that."

Kristen raised an eyebrow. The kid was weird. But he seemed very mature for his age, and he also seemed to know exactly what he was talking about.

"Ah, here we are," said Dib, stepping up to a house that had electric fences around it. He opened the door and stepped inside. Kristen followed him after a moment's hesitation.

"Look, Gaz! This is Kristen, she saw Zim and his Tallest through the window without their disguises on-"

"Your voice is making me sick!" snapped the purple-haired girl who was sitting on the couch and eating pizza, watching the large TV in front of her.

Dib shrugged. "Come on," he said, walking over to a flight of steps.

* * *

"So, you know absolutely nothing of the Irken Empire?" asked Dib, who was standing in front of the bed that Kristen was sitting on.

"What?"

"The Irken Empire. It's a rather advanced alien race. They live on the planet Irk. They're all ruled by leaders called the Almighty Tallest, who are just taller than everyone else. It's how they elect their leaders."

"So...wait..." Kristen looked up the floor and tried to push back her nausea. "I had a crush...on an all-powerful leader of an alien race..."

"What the heck...?" Dib eyed her with disgust.

"Nothing," she whispered, blushing. She hadn't meant to say that.

"Oookay..." Dib shook his head and went on. "So, is there anything you noticed about him before you saw him in his true form?"

That sounded weird. Kristen thought about it for a moment.

"He absolutely hates anyone taller than him-"

Dib smirked heavily. "Jealousy, intimidation, and unfamiliarity."

"I saw him look kind of scared when it started raining one morning-"

"Water burns Irken skin. So does meat. I want to test other foods, but I need a good skin sample from Zim."

I'm going to ignore how that just sounded... thought Kristen. "He gets angry over the tiniest thing-"

"So does Zim. Another Irken trait, I'm guessing. From what I've gathered, Irkens are very militant."

"He seems to like food a lot, mostly just junk food and snacks-"

"All Irkens do. Snacks are one of the weakest spots for them."

Kristen raised an eyebrow, but went on. "He has no ounce of respect for anyone at all-"

"Irkens are very fond of pride. And he's a leader of an Empire, he wouldn't anyway."

"I also noticed how he didn't really like the unfamiliarity of everything-"

"Nope. He's most likely really spoiled, and doesn't know as much about enemy planets, just Irk and that spaceship they have called the Massive. It controls the spaceship fleet that they have."

"Why would they need a spaceship fleet...? And who's they? How many leaders are there?"

"Just two. There's Red, and the other one's just as tall as him and wears purple. I wouldn't be surprised if that was his name, actually. I'd like to get another chance to talk to the pair of them, but that only happened once when Zim was out somewhere and his robot-dog-thing called the Massive. I didn't get much out of them, all they did was talk about how big my head was...but my head's NOT BIG!"

"I didn't say it was..." But she was sure thinking it.

"Maybe I shouldn't have kept calling them 'alien-scum' and 'space-lizards', they didn't really like being insulted, I could tell...I could've gotten Irk's coordinates or something..." Dib looked rather disappointed about it.

"And I'm not entirely sure about the spaceship fleet, but I do know that the Tallest sent some of their soldiers to enemy planets to take them over, and they call them 'Invaders'. It's something for universal conquest. And they sent Zim to Earth. But as Earth's supreme defender, I pledge to stop him AT ALL COSTS!" Dib pointed upwards in triumph.

"Um...okay...well, why is a leader of an Empire doing on an enemy planet? He'd probably have stuff to do..."

"That's just it, I don't know. I need to figure that out. I have absolutely no idea why. A theory is that one of them is checking on the progress of the Invaders, that's possible. But I'm really not at all sure," admitted Dib.

"Actually, I noticed that Red was very annoyed by Zim, and threatened to kill him if he didn't stop talking. And he did look very serious."

"It was probably just Zim being his usual loud, stupid, self. Anyone could get tired of him. That jerk," scoffed Dib. He was mature, but still acted in some ways like a normal ten-year-old, Kristen noted silently.

"I was hoping that I could get the answer on why Red was here sometime this afternoon. I was planning to sneak into Zim's base and put a spy camera in it, and hope the answer would come out."

"Why don't you just ask Zim?"

Dib looked horrified. "We're enemies! He wouldn't give me the answer! And I can't ask Red, either, because the last time I tried to get answers out of him he just said I was loud, short, and annoying. And that I was almost as loud as Zim. If Zim really does in fact annoy him...huh. Zim always brags about how the Tallest value him so much. But that could just be him being his normal egotistical self. But whenever he says it, it looks like he really does believe it. Maybe the Tallest treat a lot of Irkens that way. And Zim must be a better soldier than I thought, he's barely a third of the height of the Tallest. His skills would have to make up for his height, then."

"How do you know about all this?"

"Oh, aliens are kind of a hobby of mine. Well, more of a way of life, really," replied Dib. "I've been following the paranormal my whole life."

"Wow. At least you stick to things."

"Yes. Yes I do," he nodded, grinning. "Will you join me? I don't know how many times I've tried to prove to everyone that Zim's actually an alien. One of his contacts even fell out one time at Skool, and everyone believed he had pink-eye instead of being an alien monster! Everyone just says I'm crazy. But with two people, they'll have to start believing! No two people can be having delusional visions of something about the exact same thing. If we team up, we can prove to the world that aliens exist!"

Kristen looked down at the floor again as she thought. She wondered if she could still like Red, even though he was an alien. But...if he was part of an alien race that was utterly militant and that wanted to take over Earth... This seemed pretty intriguing. The Irken-thing was actually pretty fascinating. Maybe...

"You know what? What you told me, it's all just so crazy that it sounds kind of true. And...it actually sounds pretty cool. What the heck? I like adventure. As long as we don't, like, really hurt them or something, I'm in." She stuck out a hand.

Dib's face lit up. Kristen grinned. He looked so grateful and happy. He hurriedly shook her hand.

"This is PERFECT!" he cried. "I'm so glad you decided to join me!" He gave her a hug.

Kristen blinked.

Dib looked up and stepped away, his pale face flushing. "Sorry, got a little carried away...I'm just so pleased you decided to team up..." He settled for smiling at her. He started down out the bedroom door and down the steps again. "Okay, now, could you see if you could plant this spy camera in Zim's base?" He held out the camera. "If Zim's robot-thing isn't there and does it for you, then try a tunnel I dug behind the first gnome. It should get you inside Zim's communications room. I wanted to go down it earlier, but Gaz tracked me down and made me go out and buy some more soda. She doesn't get the whole 'me protecting the Earth' thing. And if you can, try to call the Massive. Write down any information you can get." He next handed her a notebook and pencil. "I'd go, myself, but if you're in Zim's yard he'll be less likely to notice you at first. He only keeps out an eye for me, mostly, he won't expect me. Good luck!" He waved as she went out the door.

She giggled slightly. He was adorable. And the alien-hunting was cool. She was getting pretty excited about it. She loved things that were out of the ordinary.

* * *

She was able to find Zim's base from where Dib's house was. They didn't live far apart.

She sneaked into the yard, eyeing the gnomes. Dib had said they were likely to shoot her with lasers. Apparently sometimes Zim's security was faulty. It must have been that day, because nothing spotted and shot her. She found the tunnel that Dib had spoke of, behind the first gnome as he had said. It was covered be a board that was painted to look like grass. And the paint wasn't even the same color as the grass. And it stood out like Zim's house did in the cul-de-sac.

Zim must really be an idiot, thought Kristen.

She lifted the board off. It was a rather skinny tunnel, with a few tiny lanterns that were stuck into the dirt every few yards so the trail wouldn't be completely dark. It looked like a slide. She looked down at he clothes. She wasn't wearing anything she particularly cared for. She shrugged. She tightened her grip on the camera and notebook, then hugged them to her chest as she lowered herself down into the tunnel.

"Woah!" she said, almost laughing as the wind rushed past her as she slid down the tunnel. She hadn't done something like this since she was a kid. It was actually really fun. The tiny, dim lights whizzed past her as she sped downwards.

She came to a stop, where the ground got rough and created friction. There weren't any more lanterns, and she was surrounded by complete darkness now. She felt around, and touched something metal. She brushed her hand across it.

Her head jerked up as she heard a voice. It was grumbling, and it sounded annoyed. It sounded like Red!

She pressed her ear up against the metal, trying to hear better. Red wasn't talking anymore, but she heard small clicks and beeps. What...?

Another voice was there. She didn't recognize it at all.

"What do you want this time, Red?" it moaned. The voice was high-sounding, but it still sounded male.

"What do you mean, what do I want! You know exactly why I'm calling, all the times I've contacted you it's been the same thing-"

"Yeah, it's getting pretty boring. And how do you know that I have any idea what you're calling for?" the voice said snottily.

She heard Red's exasperated sigh. She pushed slightly on the metal to see if it would give, and it did. It seemed to be a small trap-door. It swung open slowly and, fortunately, silently.

It WAS a communications room! There was a large control panel with a chair behind it, which was in front of an enormous screen. Sitting on the chair was Red without his disguise on, and on the screen was a figure that looked just like him, except that he was basically purple instead of red. He must have been the other Tallest! He looked bored as he sipped soda out of a straw. They must not have noticed her. Good. She remembered the spy camera and set it down on the floor where it could catch the screen.

"Are you being a jerk on purpose?" growled Red, his arms folded as he frowned at the screen.

"I don't know." The other Tallest shrugged as he put his soda down. He pulled a yo-yo out of his pocket and started playing with it.

Kristen raised an apprehensive eyebrow. This was a leader of an Empire? Sad. Having your rulers judged by only height and nothing else wasn't a good system.

"Purple! Will you stop acting like a smeet for ten seconds and listen to me?" snapped Red.

Huh. That was apparently his name. And she'd ask Dib what a 'smeet' was. Purple scowled but didn't take his lavender eyes off the yo-yo. "I'm not acting like a smeet! Just tell me what on Irk you called to nag me about this time and quit wasting time."

"Like you're so busy!"

"Yeah...kinda..." Purple kept watching his yo-yo bounce up and down. Red shut his eyes and rubbed his temples. Kristen held back a giggle. It was like a parent scolding a seven-year-old.

"What-at?" complained Purple. "Just tell me! I'm not keeping you from talking!"

"I was waiting for you to start listening to me for once," Red responded shortly.

"I'm listening! Jeez!"

"Did you remember to call Invaders Skutch, Slacks, and Sneakyonfoota earlier?"

"Those all start with 'S'. I just noticed that," commented Purple.

"For the love of IRK, Pur! Will you stop being so immature-"

"Okay, okay! Yes, I did call them! Sheesh! Why are you being so difficult?"

One of Red's eyes twitched, along with one of his antennae. Kristen didn't blame him.

Red said something to Purple in what must have been Irken. It sounded almost insect-like, with chirps and clicks and other different noises. Kristen of course didn't understand, but it was intensely fascinating. She grinned. Dib would love hearing this. She was glad she had the camera.

Purple's eyes widened slightly, and he dropped his yo-yo. "Take it back!" he snarled.

Red got the slightest of smirks on his face as he shook his head.

Purple said something back in the same way, and they went on like that for a while. They seemed to be trying to insult one another or call each other the worst names they could think of. It was very funny.

A shrill voice came from overhead.

"Ah wanna learn how to talk all funny like da Tall-guys!" it called.

"GIR!" yelled another voice. "Do not interrupt the Tallest! And be QUIET! I'm working on my latest and most brilliant plans- Speaking of which, My Tallest, I think you would be most interested in this! When you are done talking-"

"Shut up, Zim! Shut up and go away! I've told you not to disturb me when I'm down here!" hollered Red.

Purple smirked and said something else in Irken.

"You did not just say that," hissed Red.

"What'd he say! WHAT'D HE SAAAAY!" cried the squeaky voice, which must have been Gir. The other voice sounded like Zim.

"I'm not going to repeat it, Gir! Stop pestering the Tallest!"

"But you says it sometimes when your plans go 'splodey, Mastah, and when you're mad at Mary-big-head!"

Red snorted.

"Are you preparing the Armada for-" he started.

"YES! You called me about it a hundred times already! It's ready, it's planned out, the Greentians are doomed, blah blah blah, you get it. I'm leaving. And don't call me again unless it's important this time." The screen went dark, but not before Purple could stick out his tongue at Red.

Red rolled his eyes as he got up from the chair. Kristen ducked back into the hole and was able to shut the door without any noise. She couldn't hear footsteps, that was weird. She very cautiously peeked back out. What, was he floating or something-

Well. Guess he was. That was weird and extremely cool. He fortunately wasn't heading towards where she was, but to the other side of the room where an automatic door opened up. It was an elevator.

That was truly the most interesting experience I've ever had in my life, thought Kristen. She took hold of the notebook, and starting to climb back up the slope.

"Ow!" She fell backwards and hit the trapdoor. The slope was too steep. Just great...thanks, Dib. She'd have to find some other way to get out of this place. Which meant a good chance of running into the aliens when she tried to get out. She'd get experimented on or something!

How was she going to find her way out of THIS!

She remembered her communicator. She pulled the slip of paper out of her pocket, which had on it Dib's communicator number. She pressed the tiny buttons on the little device Dib had given her, which she had strapped around her wrist.

Her call was answered quickly.

"Kristen? Are you okay? What is it?" Dib appeared on the screen, looking alarmed.

"I can't go back up the tunnel, Dib, it's too steep. I just slid back down it when I tried to climb back up," she sighed.

Dib looked slightly embarrassed. "Oh, sorry about that..."

"Well, how do I get out of here?"

"That depends. Where are you?"

"The communications room."

"Oh, man! Really? Did you get anything on tape? At all?" Dib's face lit up.

"Yeah, I did. A lot of stuff. I can't wait for you to see it. It's really cool. But can we focus on this-"

"Oh, yeah, sorry. Well, um...I don't know my way around Zim's base as much as I'd like, but I'm pretty sure that the majority of the elevators lead to the house-level. Just find one and go up."

"Reassuring..." mumbled Kristen, stepping out of the trapdoor. She picked up the camera and then walked over to the elevator, hoping dearly she wouldn't run into anyone on her way out of this place.

* * *

The elevator ride was rather short. It was almost disappointing that it was short-lived, because the rooms she passed were incredible. There were things written in an entirely different language everywhere, and lots of mechanical devices and weapons and such.

She stopped at a room, which was colored in shades of pink and purple like almost everyone else was. She quietly climbed out of the trash-can that she had came out of. Odd...there was also a toilet sitting in one corner of the room, and the room looked pretty much like a kitchen besides that.

Very odd.

She heard voices in the next room, and froze. Oh, crap...

She spotted a table in the middle of the room. Good a hiding place as any.

* * *

"I am going to work on my latest plan, My Tallest, to get rid of the Dib-worm once and for all. I have decided to create a brain-switching device, so that I can trade my incredible brain-meats with the Dib. I can make his body walk off a cliff, and finally be rid of him once and for all!" cried Zim, looking quite pleased with himself.

Red wasn't going to say that if he walked off a cliff, his brain would just die, too. That plan was honestly about the stupidest one he'd come up with so far. He just had to make sure that Zim finished the teleporter first, then he could just sit back and watch the fun.

"Truly incredible, Zim," Red said dully.

"It is, isn't it!" agreed Zim, smiling. "And you might be pleased to hear this, My Tallest, the machine part I need will arrive tomorrow. I will be able to fix my teleporter after that in one more week, then you may go back to the Massive."

"Finally!" snapped Red. "I've been here for over two weeks already, you should have gotten started on your stupid machine already."

"Oh, I have, My Tallest, I just need the part to come and then I can fully complete it." Zim turned and started for the kitchen. "I have made the repairs it needed. I need to do no more work on it until the part comes, giving me time to work on my other amazing and brilliant plan." He started chuckling as he climbed into an elevator. By the time it started up, he was laughing his head off.

Gir giggled insanely along with him. He stuck a SuckMonkey straw in his mouth, still laughing. He inhaled the straw in the next moment, choking on it heavily. He finally spat it out, sitting up and grinning.

"Ya wanna play a game, Tall-Redsy? I wanna play hide 'n seek! You're it! Ah'm gonna go hide somewhere!" Gir ran about the room for a few minutes, before finally stopping and shutting his cyan eyes tightly, placing his robot claws over them.

"You can come find me now, Tall-Redsy!" called out Gir.

Instead, Red got off the couch and started for the steps. He decided that he might as well sleep. Yesterday's events were very tiresome. Getting practically suffocated by marshmallows, almost getting his brains sucked out by a squid-thing...

A giggle was heard. Again.

"I'm not going to play games with you!" growled Red, not turning around.

"Ah'm still waitin' for you to find meeee!" cried Gir.

"No!"

A small noise was heard in the kitchen. Red went up the steps, assuming that the sound was Zim. He really didn't want to be shown another so-called genius plan.

"Ooooh, you're pretty, lady! YOU SMELL LIKE WAFFLES!" yelled Gir, running into the kitchen. There was a gasp.

Red gritted his teeth, hoping to block out the voice. He finally reached the bedroom.

"TALL-REDSY!"

"LEAVE ME ALONE!"

"But there's someone real nice and pretty that wants to meet yous! She smells like a WAFFLE!" There was a shh-ing sound.

"No, stop, I have to leave!" whispered a voice.

Red stopped dead and blinked. That sounded like-

"Common, waffle-lady!"

"No! I have to get out! Right now!"

Red turned and choked back a shriek. It was...

"No! No! Please! Let go!" pleaded the voice. The owner of it was being dragged to the foot of the staircase.

"Tall-Redsy! Look! She's real pretty!" Gir dropped her and hugged her tightly. "Ah'm gunna name her MARY!"

* * *

Kristen looked up the staircase, her face completely white. She gulped. This was exactly what she had been afraid of happening. Red was staring down at her with his mouth hanging open slightly. He looked positively horrified. Like she wasn't already.

"You wants to meet Mastah, Mary? Him and Tall-Redsy's is good friends!" Gir ran off towards the kitchen.

Kristen straightened up slightly to a sitting position. "Um...this is...I'm...sorry?"

"How in the name of Miyuki did you find out where I was?" choked out Red.

"Um..." She spun around as an angry voice came from the kitchen.

"How could you let an intruder in the base, Gir! Why must you always put our mission in jeopardy!"

"But Mary wanted to meet you!" protested Gir.

"My name's Kristen, not Mary..." mumbled Kristen. She turned her head to see the tiny alien coming towards her, his claw-like hands curling menacingly as he advanced. He came face-to-face with her, and grabbed hold of her hair, pulling her head up as so he could glare into her eyes. She let out a squeak of pain and terror.

"How did you find your way into my base, human filth?" snarled Zim.

"I...I..." she spluttered. "There was a tunnel-"

"LIES!" spat Zim. "You must have let her in, Gir!"

"No I didn't!"

"Well, thanks to you, I'll have to wipe her brain so that she'll forget all she see!"

Kristen's blue eyes grew wide, and she was completely frozen as the alien struck her across the face and knocked her out.

The world went dark, as did her horror-struck thoughts.

* * *

Ooh, cliffhanger! Hoped you all liked this one!


	11. Captivity and Rejection

A/N: Thank you all, who reviewed, favorited, and are following this story! Wow, I now have 15 followers, 9 favorites, and 44 reviews! WHOO! XD To respond to reviews:

Unknown D Flamerose:

Thank you! This pretty much had no plot before...at all...I was just surviving on dialog. But I recently turned this slightly darker, so now it does. And yes, I felt sorry for her...

UltimateKawaiiGirl:

Oh, were you kidding? Hm... *eyes narrowed* Well, here's more to enjoy!

Invader Johnny:

Yes. Yes she is.

Guest:

Heh-heh, yes. I sure am. ;)

Review or Zim will catch you in his base and see what your organs look like...ON THE OUTSIDE! Eh, I don't know...please review. It makes me squee happily!

* * *

When Kristen awoke, she was lying in a on a cold floor, surrounded by a clear plastic material. She sat up slowly, blinking and rubbing her eyes to get rid of the grogginess. Her nose and cheeks felt sore from where she got hit. She hugged her knees to her chest and looked out the front of her tiny prison. She was in a rather dark room, colored purple. Tubes lined the opposite wall. There were rather gruesome things in them, such as eyeballs and organs. There was even a boy encased in one. He had something stuck in his head, and there was something deeply unnatural and disturbing about his smile. She must have been in one of the tubes. Her communicator and camera were both gone. That was probably to be expected. She shivered all over. She was going to get tested on and dissected by a couple of aliens on an autopsy table. She had agreed to hunt a few Irkens in hiding along with Dib, that was it. This was not what she had signed up for.

She looked up at the top of the glass tube. It was too high for her to reach, and the glass was too slippery for her to get a firm hold on and climb up. She tapped the glass. She tried to remember back to when she was in third grade and had taken karate classes. Maybe she could break the glass?

Summoning up her strength, she pulled a fist back, and rammed into the glass.

"Ooh!" she gasped aloud. Yeah, that wasn't happening. She held up her hand, which was red and throbbing. It was surprising that she didn't break any fingers. She hadn't done any damage to the glass, though, unfortunately. She didn't see any possible way out, but she had to escape from this laboratory somehow.

Footsteps sounded from across the room. Kristen turned to see Zim marching across the lab, his voice loud and smug. Red was following, looking intensely irritated.

"I am glad you decided to accompany me, My Tallest, this will be fascinating. I needed another human experiment, actually, I need to do more tests on their disgusting organs. I have absolutely no idea why they need so many. It would get tiring just to walk with all of that stuffed inside you." Zim shuddered at this as he looked up at the ceiling, apparently remembering something.

Eeeew...he's going to run tests on my organs? Kristen shrank back against the glass as Zim approached her.

"Well, looks like the little stinking worm-baby is finally awake," he smirked. She glared back.

Something came out of the pink-and-grey pod that was on his back. They were long, thin, silver, and looked like a spider's legs. They lifted him off the floor. He chuckled at the look on her face.

"I do suppose that Irken equipment and technology is too advanced for a hyoo-man such as yourself to comprehend, is it not? Computer! Drag the Earth-filth over to the experimentation table!" he ordered. He glanced back at Red with a grin to make sure he was watching. Red rolled his eyes in response.

Two claws withdrew from the ceiling, taking hold of her arms. They lifted her up in the air and out of the plastic tube. She thrashed and kicked her legs, trying to set herself free. They dropped her on top of a long table in the middle of the room. Metal straps instantly secured her arms and legs to the table. She tried to pull at them, but she stopped when a gloved hand reached out and slapped her.

"Make silence, human!" hissed Zim, leering over her on his spider-legs. "You have no escape! Now, tell Zim: why were you inside my base?"

"I won't tell you!" she said, trying to keep the tremor out of her voice.

Zim's ruby, hate-filled eyes narrowed to slits. "Yes, you will, stupid little Earth-monkey!" He snatched a knife off a tray that was next to the table and held it to her neck. "Why were you in my base!" he spat.

She shut her eyes and twisted her head to the side. "I...I was just doing something for Dib, just collecting evidence and proof of aliens!"

Zim's eyes widened. "The DIB-worm!" he snarled. "How did you run into that horrible bit of fffffilthy Earth-scum! TELL ME NOW!"

"H-he was going to your b-base to collect information...I was already outside your window and I just ran into him!"

"What were you doing outside Zim's base!"

"Um...I was...kind of...following Red...to your house..." She saw Red get a very disgusted look on his face.

"Why...?" he asked.

"Er...well...um...I wanted to...um..."

"Say it, human!" commanded Zim.

"Uhmwntoosskmot," she mumbled.

"Say it louder, pig-smelly!"

"I wanted to ask him out...ask him to be my boyfriend..." She looked at Red again, and would have laughed at the expression on his face if she hadn't been so scared. He now looked positively horrified.

"Yeah, um, NO! I mean...no! Ew!" he said, backing away from her slightly. She did let a giggle slip out this time. It was like he thought she had cooties or something.

"I liked you...a lot. And I hoped you liked me, too. I thought you were normal...before I found out you were an alien...I saw you and Zim through the window without your disguises on."

"So...you stalked me...and then spied on me..." Red looked at her again, then away, his skin pale and his antennae flattened. She would've loved to see his thoughts right now.

"And I kinda eavesdropped on you, too..."

"How DARE you do something like that to a Tallest!" yelled Zim.

"I didn't know he was the leader of an alien race then!" she snapped back. "I thought he was seventeen, like me! Just a normal senior in Hi-Skool! Obviously not! Well, actually, I don't know if you're really seventeen or not, how old are you, anyway?" she asked Red.

"I just may not tell you," he muttered back, still not looking at her.

"Don't ask stupid questions, you horrible, demented Earth-thing! Prepare to have your brain wiped, then I shall run some horrible, horrible tests on you..." Zim grinned and clasped his claw-like hands together. She gulped as Zim de-activated his spider-leg-things and went over to the tubes. She looked back at Red.

"Look, I'm sorry for doing that, but, Red, I really do still like you! Can't you...I dunno, just go out with me once? I mean, it doesn't matter all that much that you're an alien, I know you still have feelings, all living things do! Please? And can you tell Zim to let me go, maybe?"

"Not on your life," he growled. "Number one, you really are annoying, and two, you're a creature from a very idiotic and inferior alien race. You and all other humans are worse than a lot of races on other planets. Irkens do not have time or feelings for something such as you."

That...stung. Really stung. 'Something'? Not 'someone'? She blinked at him, biting her lip hard. She turned her head as a tear slid down her cheek. So he really didn't have any feelings at all for her whatsoever. And she was about to have her brain wiped. This was greeeeat...she instinctively tried to wipe the tear out of her eye, but her arms were chained down. But...she did feel the strap give a little. She pulled her hand some more. It slid out of the strap! She grinned and tried her other hand. It took a moment, but she pulled it out as well. Fortunately, neither alien was paying any attention to her at all. Red seemed to be interested in a bare wall at the moment, and Zim was scanning the tubes. She quietly sat up and pulled at the straps on her feet. They came loose after a few seconds. She smiled.

She heard Zim chuckle. He pulled something out of a tube. She silently got off the table and hid under it.

"Okay, filthy beast of meat and hair, prepare for your brain to be- Huh?" Kristen heard Zim's dumbfounded voice.

"My Tallest? Did you see where the human went...?" He sounded absolutely baffled.

She couldn't see Red from under the table. There was silence. He must have shrugged or something, she guessed. He obviously didn't care too much.

Zim must have been walking around to look for her, for she heard footsteps echo around the large laboratory. She squeezed her eyes shut. Please don't let him look under here...

Crap. She opened her eyes just in time to see him bend down to search under the table. She gathered her courage and suddenly kicked him, knocking his legs out from under him. He fell down with a cry. She scrambled out from under the table and started running. To where? There was an elevator entrance at one corner. She ran as fast as she could towards it, trying to ignore Zim's loud shout of anger and cry of, "COMPUTER! ANNIHILATE THE HUMAN!"

Lasers shot at her, and she screamed and ducked as Zim made his way over to her by the means of his spider-legs. She leaped over to the elevator, and it opened automatically. She got in and tried to pull the door shut as Zim got closer. It slid closed just in time. She pressed herself against the back of the elevator, her chest heaving. That was definitely a narrow escape.

The elevator took her up to the almost-bare living room this time. There wasn't much in it beside a TV and a huge, pink couch. But her eyes were set on nothing but the front door, which she ran towards, hoping against hope that she wouldn't get captured again. She flung open the door and raced down the front yard, trying to avoid the lasers that the gnomes were shooting at her. Panting, gasping, some tears stinging her eyes, she sprinted out of the cul-de-sac, not looking back at the green-and-purple house that was secretly disguised as an alien's laboratory.

She didn't want to have anything to do with Red anymore. He had scratched out a part of her with mere words. She had actually felt something for him...and he wasn't affected in the least. He had dismissed her as something utterly pathetic, nothing but a pest something that he could squish as easily as a bug.

He was the spineless bug. Him and Zim both were, they were nothing but creepy insect-reptile things. With those long, black antennae, flat reddish eyes, bright green skin, and freakishly-long tongues that they both had...and they both had the same amount of feelings for other creatures that bugs did. None.

She didn't stop running until she reached a certain house with electric fences in front. She rang the doorbell and waited, continuously brushing away the tears that were cascading down her cheeks.

* * *

Dib ran for the door and pulled it open.

"Kristen! You're back! You-" He blinked when he looked up at her face, and his smile vanished. "Are...are you okay...?"

She was sniffling and wiping tears out of her eyes. He stepped aside to let her in, and shut the door. She went over to the couch, and Dib sat down next to her. He bit his lip, unsure of what to do. He cautiously reached out for one of her hands and held it, hoping to comfort her somewhat. He picked up a tissue box lying on the side table and handed it to her. She took it gratefully.

"What happened?" he asked softly.

She looked down at her lap, not answering for a few moments. She finally spoke up.

"Zim caught me when I tried to escape. He brought me down to his laboratory. He was going to wipe my brain and run tests on me. He interrogated me on why I was down there in the first place...and I lost the camera, I'm sorry about that."

"Is that it?" She won't make a very good partner if something simple like that is going to make her cry, thought Dib.

"Well, no...I told Red...I wanted to ask him out..." she whispered. "And he just said, basically, that I was an utterly inferior and pesky little idiot and that he couldn't waste time on 'something' like me."

"Oh...I'm sorry, Kristen," replied Dib. "Well..." He shrugged. "What could you expect from a leader of a stupid, scummy alien race? I mean-" He half-laughed, "-he wouldn't fall for a girl from an enemy planet. You probably shouldn't have expected so much of him, anyway."

Her head snapped up to glare at him.

"I also probably shouldn't have attempted to talk about something like this with a fifth-grader, either. You're ten, do you really know anything at all about relationships?"

Dib narrowed his glasses-clad eyes angrily. "Hey! Just because I'm ten doesn't mean that I can't be sympathetic-"

"You weren't being sympathetic! You didn't even try to express tact!"

"I was just saying that it was kind of stupid to fall in love with an alien! Just because you're in Hi-Skool and I'm not doesn't mean I'm a completely naive child! I thought we were partners, we should treat each other as such!"

"Not anymore." She stood up. "I'm done with the alien-hunting thing. I almost got killed last time!"

"But that happens almost every time I go over there, it's no big deal!"

"And that makes me want to do it even more," she snapped. "I'm through with this. Good luck with all your paranormal junk." She made her way to the door.

"No, come on, Kristen, please, I'm sorry! Really!" protested Dib, sounding desperate.

She opened the door and sighed. "No, Dib. I hope that you eventually get evidence and proof of aliens, I just don't want to be the one to help you with it."

She stepped outside and shut the door.

Dib looked down at the floor, feeling downcast. Great. Another person that he thought could have helped him out, but she just left. Why did that happen to him so much? His future self that turned out to be a robot, Tak, Mr. Dwicky...

Why did he always have the worst luck in the universe?

* * *

"Stupid, foolish, idiotic HUMAN!" snarled Zim, who was pacing in front of the couch and ranting to his Tallest, who was getting very sick of Zim's voice. Gir was sitting next to Red and watching Master with interest, stuffing popcorn in his mouth.

"The Dib-pig must have an ally now, apparently. So of course this means I have to destroy her."

To tell the truth, Red wanted her destroyed as well. She had stalked and spied on him, she never seemed to leave him alone, and was...or at least to be...in love with him.

That thought made him shudder all over.

"First, I will have to find out where she lives, then I will attack her with- Oh, wait! Perhaps I can make the Hi-Skool explode while she is there, and I will also be able to reign DOOM down upon the rest of the hyoo-mans that are there!"

That actually would be really awesome, thought Red. But he sure wasn't going to tell Zim that.

"And after that, I will rid myself of the Dib-pig with my brain-switching device, and he will not stand in the way of my most amazingly grand and utterly diabolical plan to destroy this filthy rock!"

"Oh, is this one more amazing than the other ones that you dragged me to see during the past week or so? How is that possible?" Red rolled his eyes, his voice dull and dripping with sarcasm.

"Believe it or not, I think it IS, My Tallest!" nodded Zim, a smile spreading across his face as he put a claw to his chin thoughtfully. "At first I considered making another deadly orbital laser, but it apparently didn't work, even though I had told Gir specifically to press the button. And I saw him doing it...I must not have made the right modifications to it. I would have operated the laser myself, but I was dragged to Judgementia for that surprise party you threw me, My Tallest. You really had a great joke going that day..." Zim chuckled.

Red's claws clenched. "It wasn't a surprise party, Zim...and you know, it took almost a month to repair the Massive after you drove it," he growled.

"Yes, oh, I know how incredible I am, My Tallest, you don't have to tell me so many times...but it's not exactly tiring to hear. I can't wait until my newest plan is complete, then you can regard me even higher than you already do. What will you do when I take over Earth? Huh? Huh? Will I get promoted? Will you give me battle-tanks for the NEXT mission you will have in store for me? And maybe even a battle cruiser of my own?"

"Ah was King a' Earth when you was at the party, Mastah!" squealed Gir.

Zim scowled at Gir. "What you did, Gir, was make the base a complete mess! Do you know how long it took to rid it of germs?"

Gir thought for a moment. "Twelve!" he declared. "And then piggies!"

Zim's disapproving frown didn't waver. "That doesn't make any sense, Gir! And it took a very long time! And two cans of germ-spray!"

"I understand!"

"You don't really, do you?" deadpanned Zim.

"Noooo..." Gir giggled. It turned into full-blown laughter as he toppled off the couch, scattering popcorn all over the floor.

Zim let his face meet the palm of a black-gloved claw and let out a frustrated sigh.

"If only there were some way to work on that erratic behavior of yours," he muttered.

"It's not 'ratick! It's reeeal fun! I wanna play with a MONGOOSE!"

Zim chose to ignore this. "Computer, remove the popcorn from Zim's floor."

A tube popped out from the ceiling and started sucking up the popcorn like a vacuum would. Unfortunately, the air current caught Zim in the process, sucking him inside the tube as well.

Red and Gir both started laughing hard as Zim's muffled screams echoed around the room. There were slightly concealed but still furious shouts of, "COMPUTER! COMPUTER! ZIM COMMANDS YOU TO LEAVE YOUR MASTER ALONE!"

The sucking stopped, and Zim plopped back onto the floor, only half-conscious. He brushed off his pink uniform angrily. Red stifled his snickers.

"You horrible machine! If I didn't need the base protected then your AI would be completely reduced to NOTHING!"

"Sorry..." mumbled the house computer.

"No, you're NOT! You stupid thing! You should obey your Master whenever I tell you to do something!"

"Can I be in da sucky-thing like you was, Mastah?"

"No, Gir," growled Zim. He huffed. "I must go and check on the exploding-chicken experiment. I think that they're close to being ready..." He marched into the kitchen. "You're welcome to join me and check on my progress, My Tallest!" he called.

"No. I'm actually going to attempt to sleep now. If no one else is going to interrupt me with something else stupid that they want me to see."

"Of course not, My Tallest. Gir will not bother you in the least." Zim shot a look at his minion, who had followed him into the kitchen.

Red didn't care to respond this time as he headed for the steps. He had destroyed the alarm clock again that morning, and Zim had forgotten to get a new one. Good. That meant that he wouldn't wake up in time to go to Hi-Skool.

* * *

Gir sniffled as he walked down the hall, wiping the tears out of his cyan eyes as he clutched his most favorite piggy. But not even that cheered him up. He hadn't been able to wake up Master and tell him that he'd had a nightmare during sleep-mode. He was glad that Tall-Redsy was there at home, too.

Gir reached out a small, silver robot claw and pushed open the door. The darkness didn't do anything to blur his vision, as all SIR units had to ability to see under all conditions. He walked over to the bed that Master had slept in before Tall-Redsy had come to visit. Master slept down in his labs or on the couch now.

Gir cautiously poked Tall-Redsy's side, trying to wake him up. He did that many times, harder and harder until there was a small mumble of, "What?"

"Tall-Redsy?" whispered Gir. "Can I sleep with you?"

"Go away before I...do something..."

"Please? I had a bad dream. Master always lets me sleep with him when I have a bad dream, but he wouldn't wake up. I don' wanna sleep by myself anymores."

"You're a SIR unit. You can't have nightmares. Go away."

Gir climbed up on the bed anyway and curled up next to Tall-Redsy, who growled and shoved him off instantly. Gir dropped down to the floor. Normally, he would've giggled, but he still felt sort of scared.

"Can I sleep down here?" he asked, sitting up and cocking his head.

"Whatever..." Tall-Redsy yawned and pulled the blankets over his head. Gir half-smiled and laid down. Tall-Redsy was so nice. Gir really liked him lots. He was glad that they were all best friends, Master, Tall-Redsy, and himself.

A few moments later, Gir heard some snoring. He sat up again and carefully climbed back onto the bed, laying next to his friend. He fell into sleep-mode very soon afterwards. His fears had subsided and he was reassured that nothing could get to him, now that he was with Tall-Redsy. Master and him were both tall and strong, and could protect him. Well, Tall-Redsy was a lot bigger than Master, but Master was still really good at fighting bad guys, like Mary-Dibby was sometimes. That boy was bad sometimes and liked to hurt Master. But Master could fight him back real well with all his genius plans, 'cause he was so smart and good!

So was Tall-Redsy. Gir hoped that he wouldn't have to leave for a long time. His serious, regular SIR side reminded him for a few seconds that he was a Tallest and had duties to the Empire. But those thoughts left quickly. He hoped that Master didn't fix his telly-machine so that Tall-Redsy wouldn't have to leave.

* * *

The next morning, Red received a rather rude awakening from a certain Irken and a certain SIR unit.

"My Tallest! You must wake up, Hi-Skool is due to start in ten minutes!" Zim yelled from the doorway. He was tapping his foot against the floor and had his claws clasped behind his back as leaned against the open door.

Gir yawned. He looked up and smiled happily. "Good mornin', Mastah!"

"What- Gir, get off of the Tallest's head!" snapped Zim, pointing at the floor.

The robot obliged and jumped to the floor. Red blinked sleepily and scowled.

"Nice, Zim. You couldn't have been at least respectful this morning-"

"Nine minutes, My Tallest. Normally, I wouldn't be eager to please the hyoo-mans by being on time, but I have to work out my latest plan by getting to Skool early. And you must be at Hi-Skool soon."

"Not if I don't want to," Red snapped back at him. He snatched up the pillow and tossed it in Zim's general direction. He closed his eyes again as he pulled the blankets tighter around himself.

Gir picked up a corner of them that was on the floor and tugged on them. He made them fall to the floor and on top of himself.

"Hey!" Red cried out angrily.

Gir laughed. "Ah'm a GHOSTIE!" He started running around, flailing his metallic arms as he said, "Moooo! Moooo! Ah'm a scary ghost, Mastah!"

Without blinking, Zim held out a claw as Gir ran past, grabbing hold of the blankets. Gir tripped and fell to the floor.

"Aw, HAAAIII, floor! I missed you!"

"We now have eight minutes, My Tallest. I will be downstairs. Please put on your disguise and follow me." Zim went down the steps rather quickly, straightening his black wig. Gir followed him, singing the Doom Song.

Red glared after the retreating figures. To get both the blankets and the pillow, he'd have to get out of bed and get them. Which wasn't ideal. They were also too far away, so he couldn't use a metal claw from his PAK to retrieve them.

He instead just laid face-down back on the bed again. He'd just deal with being cold. The day didn't actually start until you really got out of bed, so he'd just stay here until someone literally dragged him out. Which wouldn't happen. At least he hoped.

"MY TAALLLEEESST!" Zim shouted up the stairs. "Six minutes!"

"I'll be right behind you, Zim! Just head out the door! And don't look back to see if I'm really coming or not! I order you to leave!"

"Well, very well, My Tallest! Make sure to guard the base, Gir, don't let any other human females in the house like last time!"

"But ah DIDN'T, Mastah! Mary got in da base all by herself!"

Zim of course ignored this as the front door slammed shut. Red sighed in relief. He'd be able to sleep as long as he wanted now.

Until he was woken up fifteen minutes later by an incredibly hyper-active SIR unit, who had made his best batch of waffles for breakfast.

* * *

Well, this was...hm. I don't know if I liked this chapter or not. Huh...well, this will be the second-to-last chapter. Yep, you all read that right- This fic is about to be OVER! Chapter 12 will be the last one! And then, we might even have a SEQUEL on our hands...mwa-ha...


	12. Epilogue

A/N: THIS IS THE LAST CHAPTER! WOOT! Gah, I just can't believe that this is about to be over. It's been almost two months...give or take. Well, it's been great, having you all to thank for taking me this far, through twelve chapters. So long to G.M.A. after this update...then hello sequel! Yes, there will most absolutely and certaintly will be a sequel, I hope you all read it! To respond to reviews:

UltimateKawaiiGirl:

Yeah, I feel mean whenever I make my characters cry or hurt in some way. :'( And I'm glad you enjoyed! The sequel shall come soon, I can promise you!

Invadermakayla:

Yep, he is certainty a jerk...

Guest:

Yeah, falling in love with a jerk isn't smart. Even if they do look talented and cute at first sight. And no big about the not logging in thing, at least you know who you are! Here's an update for ya!

HyperSpooches58:

Yayz! I am very glad you liked my chapters! :)

Invader Johnny:

He was pretty mean... :( And I'm glad you didn't hate her guts or anything, that would've made me sad. And I'm glad you liked that part, I had fun writing that scene! ;)

Unknown D Flamerose:

Well, it shall head to THIS! Another update for you to enjoy!

* * *

"There's none in there, either!" Red slammed another cabinet shut angrily. Apparently, he had eaten the rest of the snacks that had been in the kitchen...within the span of not even a day.

"Why don' you go and get some from the nice lady at the big buyin' place? Ah always do! Ah gets waffle mixin' stuff, mah favorite chocolate-bubble-gum, and cheese!" suggested Gir, running into the kitchen.

Red quirked an antennae. "And no one thinks it's weird that a green dog is out somewhere buying stuff?"

Gir giggled. "Ah don' know! But Mastah says lots to get out of da base when he's workin' on his plans. And ah goes out to buy stuffs! He never wants chocolate-bubbble-gum, though."

"Yeah, that's an idea. You, go out and get me some snacks somewhere," ordered Red, as he went into the living room to sit back down on the couch. Zim hadn't returned home from Skool yet, and Red had enjoyed the several hours that he had been gone. He decided that he preferred staying at Zim's base instead of Hi-Skool. At least he only had to put up with Gir, and not all those stupid humans. He really despised those creatures. They were all so annoying and idiotic, completely worthless.

"Ah caaan't...I not 'loud back in da store-place no mores, Mastah has to go an' buy everything now. Why don' YOU go an' buy stuffs, Tall-Redsy! Oh, that'll be FUN!" Gir gasped excitedly. "And ah can go with you! They'll let me in if ah'm with you, Tall-Redsy, they did when ah was with Mastah!"

"Not on your life," snapped Red. "I'm not going to spend any more time with all those humans then I have to-"

"PLEEEEASE!" screeched Gir, jumping on the couch and hugging Red. "Oh, PLEASE, Tall-Redsy! PLEEEEEASE!"

"STOP IT! Get off of me this second!" yelled Red.

Gir continued to sob loudly. "We'll have so much FUUUUUN!"

"No, we WOULDN'T! I, um, command you to stop right now, Gir!" He realized he hadn't ever said Gir's name before. But it obviously seemed to work better than just saying 'you' or 'it' all the time, since the robot instantly stopped and saluted, hopping to the floor.

"Yes, Sir!" said Gir, in the usual SIR unit monotone. But his eyes faded to cyan again and they quickly filled with tears once again.

"Pleeeeease! Oh, PLEASE, Tall-Redsy! PLEEEEASE!"

* * *

The cries lasted for about ten minutes. And the end of that, Red was stalking down the sidewalk, with Gir skipping along beside him cheerfully.

"I hate you..." growled Red. "I really do...I wouldn't be out here at all if you hadn't made me half-deaf."

"Ah love you too, Tall-Redsy!" beamed Gir.

Red sighed heavily. He wanted snacks, but not this badly.

Well, yes, he did, but he still didn't want to go out and actually buy some. He'd much rather demand Zim to go and get some, mostly because he missed ordering around service drones. He was going to toss one out the air-lock as soon as he got back, just for the heck of it. Just to make sure that karma wasn't still after him.

"HEY! TALL-REDSY! IT'S MASTAH! HIIII, MASTAH!" shouted Gir, loud enough for the universe to hear. Red's eyes got wide with panic and he looked around wildly, searching for a place to hide. Too late. Gir had run at the figure who was on the other side of the street, knocking him over with a large amount of force.

"AUGH! Gir! Get off! What are you doing out!"

"Ah was goin' to da store with Tall-Redsy!"

"My Tallest?" Zim straightened up, a smile spreading across his face. "Oh! I didn't see you walking to Hi-Skool when I left the base, and did you get let out early? Incredible! No, Gir, let go! Zim can walk himself!" Gir was dragging Zim across the street eagerly, pulling him with his little nubby arms. Zim's wig and uniform were singed, probably a cause of the plan he had come up with that morning.

"Now MASTAH can go to da store with us, TOO, Tall-Redsy!" announced Gir.

"No, I cannot, Gir, I have to finish both the teleporter and the brain-switching device! The piece I needed arrived early this morning, and I just have to install it. That means you can get back to the Massive tomorrow, My Tallest!" said Zim, who had a grin on his face, but he looked quite disappointed as well.

"Finally. And you're lucky I didn't die when I was stuck here, you almost killed me dozens of times, Zim. You almost suffocated me with those marshmallows, nearly smashed my PAK when you messed with the elevators, and those gnomes would've killed me off, too, if it wasn't for a security flaw! Not to mention all the explosions, the brain-eating squid-monsters, and everything else!" Red folded his arms as he fixed an angry glare on Zim, who gave an embarrassed "Heh" and shuffled his feet.

"Well, you didn't get killed, My Tallest, and that's the important thing! Zim is a genius, and that's why you're still alive!" Zim assured him.

Red rolled his eyes, but remembered something. "Oh, Zim? I command you to go out with your SIR and buy me more snacks."

Zim looked puzzled. "But Zim just bought snacks yesterday, lots of them, My Tallest!"

"I didn't ask you to question your Tallest, I ordered you to go and get me more snacks!" snarled Red.

"Very well, then...GIR!" Zim frowned at his minion, who was rolling on the ground in a sort of break-dance. "Gir, are you paying attention to me?"

"NOPE!" replied Gir.

Zim huffed and bent down, snatching Gir up by the ear of his doggy suit. "I order you to make silence and listen to your Master!"

"M'kay," answered Gir, swinging his little legs in the air.

"Now, go back to the base with the Tallest, and guard the house. Don't let anyone at all in. And do NOT mess with my machines downstairs. I don't want you wrecking my latest plan to destroy the stupid Dib-human, or my teleporter. Do you understand?"

Gir paused for a moment. He was about to say something, then he was quiet again. He finally said, "I reeeeally don't."

Zim face-palmed as he dropped Gir back on the ground. "Gir, all you have to do is go back to the house with the Tallest and...watch the Scary Munkey Show."

Gir smiled widely. "Oooh, okay!" He nodded quickly. "Mastah's gonna get somethin' for ya, Tall-Redsy, we'll go home and have fun together that way." Gir looked up at Red happily.

"Ooh, I can't wait," mumbled Red.

"I KNOW! WE'RE GONNA HAVE LOTSA FUN! BYE, MASTAH!" Gir waved ecstatically at Zim's retreating figure. "GOOD-BYE! GOOD-BYYYYE!"

"Silence, Gir!" Zim called back snappishly.

"BYYYYYE!" squealed Gir.

* * *

"Let's play somethin' FUN, Tall-Redsy!"

"For the last time, NO!"

"But ah wants to..." Gir climbed up on the couch again next to Red. "Please!"

"No."

"Please!"

"NO!"

Gir was silenced for a moment, then he opened his mouth.

"Don't say it again!" warned Red.

"Taco-piggies!"

"What?"

"Please!"

Red smacked a claw to his face as Gir fell into another giggling fit.

"Incoming transmission from the Massive," spoke up the house computer in a bored tone.

"AW! Is you getting calls from Purpley again? You two gots to be bestest friends!" cried Gir. He hugged himself gleefully. "I wish ah could give him some a' the orange juice ah made this morning!"

Red shuddered when the orange juice was mentioned. Gir had served it with the waffles, which had actually tasted normal. The same couldn't be said for the juice he had prepared. The juice was a new one, but that didn't mean it tasted any better. It had the flavor of a combination of cabbage, maple syrup, and pizza, with an after-taste of both mint and mud. Strangely enough, it didn't have any qualities of orange juice in the least, except for the color, which was still bright orange. Which was perhaps the weirdest fact of all.

* * *

"What did you do?" Red questioned as soon as he answered the call in the communications room.

"Hey, you don't have to put that much doubt in me, Red." Purple rolled his eyes and stuffed some more doughnuts in his mouth. Red was actually rather jealous.

"I kind of do, considering the fact that I've had to remind you of everything that you've had to do for the past three weeks!"

"Wow, three weeks? Has it been that long?"

"No, it's been ten years. At least that what it's felt like on this miserable rock. And you haven't been sympathetic in the least."

"Well, anyway, the Armada successfully invaded Greent." Purple smiled proudly. "And I didn't mess anything up in the slightest."

"Really? And you didn't fail miserably?"

"You're hilarious. Yes, everything went perfectly! The only thing is, we don't know what to do with Greent now...we were thinking of, I don't know, turning it into an entertainment planet or something, with a bunch of movie theaters and stuff."

"That could work. And are you going to assign Invader Skit to a new planet?"

"Oh, yeah, about that..." Purple gave a nervous laugh. "Well, you know we're both Tallest and we're best friends and everything?"

"So what? What is it?" demanded Red.

"So, you won't think of brutally harming me in the least when I tell you what happened to him!"

"What. Happened."

"Um...about ten Greentian rebels managed to capture Skit before the Armada arrived, and they took off with him and joined the Resisty...and Skit got a case of Stockholm Syndrome and is now kind of against us..."

"Wha- Purple! Skit was one of the best Invaders we had! He conquered three planets already! And you're telling me he's AGAINST us now? That's really bad, you know!"

"It wasn't my fault, don't blame me for this!"

"You know what? I blame you," growled Red. "Skit was a great Invader."

"We've got other ones! Like, I dunno, Spleen, Larb, Bik- Don't you start that, Red!"

A smirk spread across Red's face. "Have you talked to her recently?"

"Only when she's been giving her usual progress reports, like always." Purple scowled.

"HEY, TALL-REDSY!" a voice squeaked loudly. "HI, PURPLEY!"

Red nearly jumped out of the chair as Gir ran up to the screen, waving and grinning.

"How did you get down here?" hissed Red.

"Ah don' know! Hai, Purpley! I wish you was here! We's is having had a bunch of fun here! A waffle-lady named Mary came in here last night with a shiny camera!"

"Tall-Redsy? Is that your new name?" snickered Purple. "Nice. Almighty Tall-Redsy. That has a nice ring to it."

"Shut up. And you! Go away right now!" Red shoved Gir away from the screen.

"MY TALLEST! THE ALMIGHTY ZIM HAS RETURNED WITH YOUR SNACKS!" a voice from above yelled.

"Meow! I'm a puppy!" said Gir, his moronic smile growing wider. "I wanna fly to the moon in a rocket of flamin' cheese! AH LIKE CHEESE!"

"I'm gonna go now..." said Purple, who was the one smirking now. "Have fun with the idiots, Red." The transmission got cut.

Red looked at the dark screen, and then at Gir with a Gaz-worthy death-glare.

"My Tallest! Where are you!" called Zim. "I would like to show you my now-finished brain-switching machine! And I have my teleporter completed, just so you know!"

"Wait, so you can transport me back now?" Oh, please let him say yes...

"No, but I can tomorrow. I have to wait until the machine warms up some more, or else it would overload while you were in it and make your guts explode all over the walls of the base."

"Nice..." remarked Red dryly. "I'm in the communications room, I'll be up there when I want to come up there and not whenever you want me to!"

"Please, could you come and see it?" begged Zim. "PLEASE?"

Red's left eye twitched. He did not want a repeat of Gir's earlier episode. So he went over to the elevator, trying to ignore the fact that Gir was hanging on to his antennae.

* * *

"Shhhhh! Be quiet, Tall-Redsy! It's the Scary Munkey Show!" said Gir, pointing at the screen.

Red didn't respond. He was thinking up different ways to hurt Zim and writing them down in a notebook. He had filled up half of the pages already.

Gir was quiet for once, staring at the TV. Zim was down in his labs, still working on his exploding chickens. The house was quite still, except for an occasional growl from the Munkey.

Tomorrow I can finally get back to the Massive... though Red. It had been his most cheerful and contented thought since he had gotten transported to Earth. No more horrible indignities, or any more of those humans, or Gir. He'd of course have to deal with Zim, but that wouldn't be every day. He wouldn't be dragged to see any more of Zim's stupid machines, or have to deal with Hi-Skool, or yell at that insane SIR anymore. Life would be amazing.

* * *

Yes, I know that this was super-short, I just wanted to have a short-but-cute epilogue. This fan-fic is now COMPLETE! How many times have I said that? All of my followers, stay tuned for the sequel!

GirLovesTacos1311, signing off!


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